Category: changes

Measures of Success

Even after taking Monday off, this was a long week.  I’m more than ready for the weekend!

I made some important changes this week, took some needed steps.  It was a busy, hectic week, though, with something going on pretty much every evening, and barely any time to breathe.  I am looking forward to the weekend and doing some recharging, reprogramming, getting my head ready for a killer week next week.

It’s funny, I have been moaning and lamenting about how off-track I have been, how I am going in the wrong direction on the scale, yet just a few days ago, my husband told me I look great and that he would be happy if I didn’t lose another ounce.  He was quick to tell me, “It’s your body, though”, and that he loved me either way.

Hmmm.  Well, of course I am happy that he likes me the way I am right now.  Who wouldn’t?  But I know that even with the weight I have managed to keep off, I am not at a healthy weight.  So not losing another ounce is not an option.  Sorry, dear husband!

I am not aiming to be an Olympic athlete or have zero body fat or launch a lucrative fitness modeling career here.  But I do want to be healthy.  I want to look in a mirror and truly like what I see.  I want to be strong.  I want to feel fit.  I want the clothes in my closet to fit again!

I know the scale can’t tell me the whole story, so I am only loosely basing my goal on the scale.  I need to spend some time this weekend setting goals that are not related to any number on the scale, so I have other ways to measure my progress and success, based on what will make me happy and what will make me feel like I finally did it.

Look Who’s Back!

I don’t think I have even been gone long enough yet for Psycho to properly miss me.  Luckily for her, Blogger has been an uncooperative jerk, and after one technical difficulty after another, I gave up.  Either people are not receiving the link, or they can’t comment, or Blogger refuses to notify me that anyone has commented…you name it, it’s not working.

So…ta-da…I’m back!

I decided to make some updates around here instead.  I toyed with the idea of changing my blog title, but the “sparkle” part has significance and sentimental value to me, so it is one thing that will stay the same.

I saw this on a notebook yesterday, and I thought it was perfect:

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I have stumbled the past few weeks, all right, and I have set myself back several steps.  But the time to moan, whine, and sob about that is long over.  It’s time to get back to dancing.

It’s important to learn from our mistakes and stumbles, and I have done a lot of thinking about that.  I am quite good at taking care of others.  I have always been, and will always be, there for my husband, my stepkids.  I am only one call away from my family, and I will drop everything to help a friend I care about.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, and I have no intentions of changing that.  But I need to stop letting myself be one of those things I am willing to drop to help someone else.

Last night I took some time for a face mask, and I deep-conditioned my hair and painted my nails.  It was nice, just taking those small moments for myself.  I also sat down with my planner and scheduled my workouts for the week.  I have a few new workout DVDs to try out this week, which is exciting because I’m easily amused 🙂

This morning I felt the need to sheepishly explain to my husband that I am back on track today and that I’m not just giving up.  He looked at me like I was nuts and said, “I never thought you were giving up.”  Well, then he’s had far more faith in me lately than I’ve had in myself!  But this week I feel like I am starting from a more peaceful place.  This is just my new starting line, that’s all.  I am ready to stand back up, move on, and get back to dancing.  I hope you’re still with me!

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Back at It

No workout last night, but I swear it’s not the beginning of the end, or me slipping back into old, bad habits.  My husband, stepson, and I went out to dinner to celebrate the recent positive changes at my job, and I enjoyed myself thoroughly.

Back at it today, though.  My breakfast has been logged, and I will work out this evening, no matter what.

One Pound a Week

February 1st already!  January was such a hectic month, I blinked and it was gone.

I came to the realization yesterday that I just have too much going on to devote the energy and time to weight loss that I thought I could.  Setting weekly goals, or vowing to reach goal weight by a certain date, is just adding more strain and piling on more responsibility that I don’t want or need.

I have so much dumped on me at work right now, it’s positively absurd.  My to-do list runs onto a second sheet of paper every day.  I am interrupted constantly, and I am astounded at the random things my co-workers ask for my assistance with, everything from an error message on the copy machine to someone’s computer freezing to someone not being able to log into e-mail.  A co-worker once told me that happens because I seem to know what I am doing, but how that translates into me being a copy machine technician or an IT expert, I have no idea.  All I know is, it gets frustrating when I am incessantly interrupted from things I really need to get done.

Today I wrapped up a major project I’ve been chipping away at for weeks, so I am taking a small break to catch up on my blog and read some others.  So…hi!

By the time I leave work, I don’t have the mental or physical energy or motivation to do much else.  My husband and my stepson are great with keeping up with chores around the house, so I usually come home to the trash already taken out, floor swept, dinner started.  It’s wonderful.  But I am wound so tight from being keyed up, in a rush, and under pressure all day long, I don’t know how to unwind once I get home.

So the last few days, my workouts have slid off my evening to-do list.  I know I am not doing myself any favors.  I need those workouts right now more than ever, for my health and my weight loss and my well-being.  But just the thought of trying to fit in a workout set my nerves on edge, and facing one more obligation makes me snarl, bare my claws, and roar “Bite me!”  I realized I was chafing under the idea of another deadline, another item on my task list, something else to measure and evaluate and track…

It doesn’t need to be that way.  I am removing all expectations of running a half-marathon anytime soon, or any other deadline-focused goals.  It just can’t happen right now.  I am burning the candle at a million ends, and there isn’t enough of me left to worry about one more damn thing.  That is just how it is.

So no more “x pounds a week” goals, or pressure on myself to run a certain number of miles, or reach a certain weight by a certain date.  I have one goal for myself: aim for one pound a week.  That’s it.  I need to cut myself some slack for now.

My fresh, new, blank workout log for February is ready to go, waiting for me to log some workouts.  They don’t need to be power-lifting, Olympic-training, all-out workouts.  I just need to get moving, a little something each day.  I need to make the time for that, and I need to consider it a gift to myself, not just one more thing to get done.

Kinder and Gentler

Yesterday I got frustrated enough to decide I really can’t do this alone, and that obviously I need some extra help.  I went online and researched everything from Weight Watchers to apps to weight loss programs, and I almost had myself convinced that whatever it took, whatever it cost, I clearly needed to just do it.

I stopped myself this morning for a reality check.  Do I really need to pay someone to tell me to eat less and to move more?  Do I need to pay a program or app to find out that soda with every meal is likely a bad idea? 

Don’t get me wrong.  I think Weight Watchers is an awesome program.  But if I don’t have time to go to the in-person meetings, and if the in-person accountability is what I truly want, then it doesn’t make any sense for me to shell out that cash for the comfort of feeling like I did something, when really I didn’t, at least not long-term.

I took a deep breath.  I had a talk with myself.  I’ve done this before.  I’m not clueless about what works for me and what doesn’t.  I know it’s hard work.  But I also know I’ve stuck to it before, and the only reason I’m not right now is because I’m choosing not to.  Over and over and over.

I keep bouncing from MyFitnessPal to LoseIt, back and forth.  I think LoseIt has better tools, but even with friends on that site, it tends to be pretty quiet, not much feedback.  MyFitnessPal seems more active, chatty, supportive.  That’s what I need right now.  So I set my computer bookmark to have MFP at the top of my screen, put the MFP app on the main screen of my phone, and (*gulp*) opened my food diary so my buddies can see it, in all its shining glory.  No more hiding my awful eating!

Part of my problem is feeling almost panicky about the weight gain and wanting to charge all-out, full-speed-ahead from the gate, making all the needed changes at one time, then getting frustrated when I can’t stick to that, feeling like a failure, wondering why I bother, and losing motivation to even try.  Enough already. 

I need a kinder, gentler approach.  So what if I don’t launch straight back into Insanity workouts and hour-long weight training sessions?  The world isn’t going to end, and no one is going to die.  I’ve gained 20 pounds.  I can’t do the same workouts I was doing 20 pounds ago.  I need to build back up.  Sucks, yes, but the only solution is to lose it again, and for heaven’s sake, not gain it back again!

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