Sweat & Sparkle

Soft

I love every word of this. It matches my mood perfectly. I feel reflective, contemplative. I want to ponder the lessons and opportunities presented to me from the past year, but without chastisement, without judging where I think I should be now, and without grand, sweeping vows for the new year.

That’s not to say I don’t have goals for 2026. I certainly do. But this year, something is different. I strive to enter 2026 from a position of peace, with a positive mentality, a focus on love and spirituality and family and simply becoming a better version of me: for me, for my husband, for my stepkids, all my loved ones.

Soft is something I used to actively avoid. I saw it as weak, ineffective. If I was going to do something, then the only way to do it was balls-to-the-wall, full speed ahead, with no room for setbacks or slowing down or flexibility. In hindsight, it shouldn’t be a surprise that that sort of approach has led to a lot of self-doubt, disappointment, frustration, and slipping back into bad habits. It’s not a sustainable mentality.

Usually by this time, I have written down a list of New Year resolutions, and my planner would already be full of next steps, to-do items, tasks to be completed. My need to have everything perfectly organized and planned down to every tiny detail would be in overdrive.

I just feel different this year. I don’t feel like I need to “fix” anything about myself. There are areas I want to improve, sure, but I am done with the attitude that there are things that are wrong that need to be corrected, or that I need to put anything on hold until I achieve a certain goal. I guess I just don’t want to be so hard on myself anymore, simple as that.

So, I am ending 2025 with a softness. Clarity. Peace. Simplicity. Gentle introspection. I want to leave anything that interferes with that where it belongs: far, far behind me.

Protected: Encounter

The Party

Yesterday, we were invited to celebrate my oldest son’s 27th birthday with a surprise party. All four of the kids were there, as well as our youngest grandbaby. I didn’t get to hold him last time we saw him, because I had a stuffy nose and didn’t want to get him sick. So I was more than happy to snuggle him on my lap through dinner, laughing as he reached for my hands as I tried to eat.

It doesn’t take very long for the volume to ramp up when all four kids are together, especially when they are relaxed and feel safe to be themselves. Sitting there with my husband’s arm around me, our grandbaby nuzzled into my neck, and the kids and their sidekicks acting up and laughing around the table, I thought, this is beautiful. I love not only that all of us were able to get together, but that the kids feel free to cut loose, get goofy, and have so much fun with us.

I know it’s not like that for them everywhere. Not everyone in their family accepts them as they are or loves them unconditionally. There’s a huge difference between obligatory attendance at a parent’s home to avoid a narcissistic tantrum, versus truly enjoying themselves and feeling welcome. Thankfully, we are the latter, as they have told us many times.

Sitting in the living room after dinner and cake, the kids started swapping funny stories about when they were little. Each of us had to jump in and add details for the significant others in the room, to make sure they got as vivid a picture of the events as possible. Some of the stories were from when the kids were so small, and it was nearly breathtaking to sit there with that image in my head, yet this grown adult sitting there with me now. Where did the time go?

I ended up with a splitting headache from laughing so hard, but it was worth it. I had a great time. I love seeing the kids happy.

Later, after we got home, it occurred to me that the person who invested the most time in trying to destroy our relationship with the kids was not invited to this party. The fact that we had so much fun speaks volumes about how the greatest gift some people can give is their blessed absence.

The Norm

Having the past week off for the holidays, and spending each day with my husband, made it very difficult to return to work this morning. It says a lot, I believe, that we can spend an entire week together and still want more time together. I joke with him that it’s because he loves picking on me and irritating me on purpose so much, and he has to laugh, because he can’t deny that!

We were walking into a store together one day over the holiday break, and an older man standing near the entrance commented on us holding hands, saying, “Well, that’s not the norm these days.”

Maybe. Maybe not. It is the norm for us, though. And I am glad it is.