Spring Cleaning

A few years ago, I started a personal tradition of spring cleaning. Not just some casual dusting and mopping. That’s for amateurs! I’m talking a serious purge of every square inch of the house. I start at one end of the house, go through each closet, drawer, and cabinet, and empty it. I go through every item, one piece at a time, decide if we are keeping it, tossing it, or donating it. I clean the drawer, vacuum the closet, then replace whatever we are keeping, but organized and neat.

This year, I stocked up on matching baskets and containers so that as everything went back into closets or cabinets, it all looks nice and tidy. Even the laundry room shelves have cute little matching baskets now.

I don’t do all this just to indulge my OCD impulses, though. There is a method to my madness. It’s amazing what you can accumulate in just one year! The only way to keep it under control, remember what we have, and eliminate the clutter is to make a conscious effort to look at all of it, one piece at a time, and really think about what we need and what we can give to someone else or toss out.

I am almost finished. I went through my make-up drawer over the weekend and tossed some lipsticks because I don’t really need the same baby pink shade in 10 different brands. (At least I am consistent!) Next I want to go through all my jewelry, which will take a while.

When I am done with that, though, why stop there?

There are more kinds of clutter than just what accumulates in a house. I would like to really take stock of some habits, thought processes, and behaviors that I should consider clutter and junk too. Why keep it? I need to hold those to the same standard: if it’s not serving a useful and healthy purpose, then throw it away!

Diet Advice from My Husband

Today I would like to share with you some gold-standard, in-demand diet advice from my husband. I was griping about my pants feeling a bit tight after a big lunch, and without hesitation, he offered up this gem of weight loss guidance:

“Just don’t wear pants.”

Well, can you argue with that?

Joke

What better day to post this than on the exclusive day set aside specifically for fools, clowns, and walking jokes? For some people, every day is April Fool’s Day! They spin lie after preposterous lie, hoping desperately that everyone believes them or at least pretends to, so they don’t have to face how comically pathetic they are.

I could not live knowing that everything I have is due to the pity of others who believe I cannot handle anything on my own. It should be devastatingly embarrassing to be about as capable of adult functioning as a tree stump.

Today, in honor of April Fool’s Day, we will indulgently pat such folks on their vapid little heads. We will give them the placating, approving thumbs-up they so impotently seek. We will graciously pretend that they actually belong at the adult table instead of tottering helplessly on their training potty with feet a-swinging, waiting for the next handout.

Tomorrow, we will return to reality, while they vacuously prance their way through their fabulous fantasy world, pretending that we actually believe they accomplish anything for themselves, while others, including their own children, tirelessly pull double duty to maintain the façade.

Here’s to you, fools! Enjoy your special day. Will it really feel much different, though, if every day of your life is a pitiable joke?

Spring

The first day of spring was actually a few days ago, so I am a little late. Fall is my favorite season, but spring is close behind. I love gardening, so that first trip of the year to the garden center is like Disney to me. I get excited and jittery and make myself come up with a plan and a list, or else I will come home with one (or two) of everything.

Today’s workout is going to be yard work, if the weather cooperates. I don’t mind yard work in a light rain, but forget it if it’s pouring or thundering. It was drizzling but seems like it stopped, so I am eager to turn off my work laptop and head outside.

You know…I just might accidentally-on-purpose turn off my computer a bit early and make my way outside (shhhhh!)