December 2019 – My Time to Bloom

Clean Slate

newbeginning Well…hello there! I’ve made a few changes around here. Actually, I’ve made a lot of changes in general.

I wanted a new start, a clean slate, a blank sheet of a new book. I didn’t want old posts, past victories, or old defeats cluttering up my blog or my mind. From here on out, the weight I have lost or gained in the past does not matter. What matters is what I do today and every day forward. So I removed my old posts and changed up some images, gave my blog a new look. I like it!

I didn’t stop there. Over the weekend, I decided that it’s silly to cling to clothes in styles and sizes I will never wear again. I yanked open my dresser drawers, tugged piles out of the closet. If something hasn’t fit in the past year or so, then I got rid of it. It was a relief. I had items like a pair of pants in a size 5 that I kept because they fit once, years and years ago, so I pressured myself to fit into them again, never mind I no longer have the time (or the desire) to work out twice a day to be that size again.

I guess it sounds like giving up. I don’t feel that way. It was more like getting real. I still intend to lose weight. I just don’t intend to force myself into the restraints of a past self. Quite frankly, at my lowest weight, I was doing some very unhealthy things to be there. Why ever aspire to do that to myself again?

So it was like throwing off chains and shackles to drop those bags of clothes at Goodwill. Let someone else enjoy them! And let me have more room in my closet and dresser!

I got reacquainted with my gym earlier this week, and yesterday I took my stepson’s dog for a nice, long walk. When we got home, the dog lapped up some water, then flopped onto his belly on the cool, wood floor…pretty much what I felt like doing too!

The rest of this week is packed. I will barely see my husband, stepson, or our home. It’s no ideal, but it is what it is. I had resigned myself to no workouts the rest of the week, then stopped and thought, “Why not? Why can’t I walk during my lunch break?”

So that is my plan today: walk at least one mile during my lunch. It’s a time for changes, and one thing that needs to change is my mentality, the way I think about all of this. It’s not punishment. It’s not drudgery. It’s an investment in myself.

I am striving toward having a healthy, balanced attitude toward my weight loss journey this time around. One mile is better than zero miles, and some days, like today, that is all I can expect from myself. And…that’s okay.

Protected: Let’s Catch Up

Plot Twist

Plot Twist I saw this image yesterday, and I fell in love. It fits how I feel right now perfectly!

The last few months have certainly taken their toll. I have been swamped, overwhelmed, stressed out, and worn out.

When I logged into my gym account yesterday afternoon to see when my membership renews, I saw that my last visit to the gym was almost three months ago. THREE MONTHS!

Yes, I have truly let myself go. I have let things slide. I have stopped taking care of myself in so many ways. And it shows, on the scale, how I feel, how my clothes fit.

I’m not here to kick myself in the head, though. I’m here to say, “Damn, this has been a tough year, but I never even thought about quitting. I never wavered in taking care of my family. I did not fall behind at work. Bills got paid, the house stayed spotless, I helped the kids with homework, Christmas presents are already hidden in my closet. My shit got done, no matter what!”

I keep waiting for things to ease up, for life to slow down, but changes just keep coming down the pipeline at work, and I keep hopping, doing my best to keep up. There are a few other changes coming up quickly too, that I will write about later.

For now, I am going to focus on creating this plot twist for myself for the last month of 2019. Instead of ending the year tired, wiped out, and frustrated, I intend to implement some changes to get back to taking care of me. Maybe it won’t be at the same level as before, but I can do a lot better than I am doing now. And I need it!

I am stopping after work today to pick up the last few straggling Christmas presents for the kids, and I think, for once, I will not be practical and frugal and so freakin’ sensible. I am not going to go wild and stupidly rack up a credit card, but damn it, I deserve a small splurge! I am not even going to try to plan ahead for this one. I will just look around and see what my heart says it wants.

Last night I got home late from work, and it was dark already. As I neared the house, I saw Christmas lights twinkling, and I thought how cool it was that one of our neighbors decorated already…then I got closer and saw it was our house! My husband surprised me by not only putting up all the outdoor lights, but also setting up the Christmas tree. It’s funny how happy and excited I got when I saw the lights. I went inside and gave him a big hug and kiss for making my day!

Expectations

0518057c631b4f3262239d2dd57cfcd4fb921b I expect a parent to be concerned when a child is failing one class and nearly failing another.

I expect a parent to make sure the children are actually attending school and arriving on time.

I expect a parent to refuse to allow individuals with known drug issues to live in the same house with the children.

I expect a parent to make some attempt to hold a job.

I expect a parent to notice when a child is chronically not turning in homework.

I expect a parent to encourage children to read, to learn, to take school seriously.

I expect a parent to care when a child has a painful injury and needs help.

I expect a parent to not take a young child to a sexually suggestive establishment.

I expect a parent to care about the dignity, self-esteem, and safety of all the children.

I expect a parent to actually earn the title, put in the work every day, not just perch languidly on a self-designated pedestal and wait for undeserved praise and attention.

Maybe I need to be more specific. I expect a good parent to do these things.

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