Almost My Day Off!

The end is in sight!  I am only working one job today, I have an 8 hour class tomorrow, and then Sunday…glorious Sunday…I finally have a day off.

The store manager had other ideas, even though I requested both days off in plenty of time.  She scheduled me for Saturday anyway.  I sent her a text last night after I saw the schedule that I already asked for the time off and cannot work.  She hasn’t responded, and I am truly at the “bite me” stage about my work schedule there.  I am NOT working this weekend.  I nearly killed myself last week with over 70 hours, I haven’t had a day off in two weeks, I need a day off, and by god, I am taking it.

Tomorrow morning I will bite the bullet and weigh in.  I have a feeling I am back to my highest weight, if not over.  It won’t be pleasant to see, but I did this to myself.  I don’t handle excessive stress well, as you can probably see.  The first thing to fall to the wayside is taking care of myself, and I end up a complete wreck.

To top it all off, my stepkids will be home this weekend.  It’s actually not a regularly scheduled weekend with them, but Psycho, my boyfriend’s ex and my stalker, claims she is going out of town. She repeated herself many times, desperately hoping my boyfriend would ask where she is going, but he just replied “okay” and focused on what time to pick the kids up, ha.

I love my stepkids, but I am thoroughly exhausted.  It’s going to be hard to keep up with them this weekend.  I’ll make the most of our time together and hopefully get some rest and sleep next week!

Checklist

I thought I was going to have this evening off, and I had a scintillating night of cleaning the house planned, but I was just asked to come into the store tonight.  Two new people have been hired, so this should be the last time I am worked to death called in.  I reluctantly agreed to come in if they absolutely can’t find anyone else.  I am already working tomorrow night, and I worked last night, so there goes my week.

That means no workout today, because I expected to be able to work out this evening.  Frustrated doesn’t even begin to cover how I am feeling.  I am frazzled and just feel like there is no way to lose weight when my life is like this.  I can’t plan for anything, I don’t have a routine, and I am too tired to have even a lick of motivation.

I am going to steal an idea from a fellow blogger and make a daily to-do list for myself, a simple, basic checklist.  Nothing flashy, nothing too challenging, just reminders of what I should be focusing on each day.  I want to set a daily list and a weekly list, so things like “stay under calories on MyFitnessPal” on my daily list and “4 workouts” on my weekly list.  I will start very small, get into the habit of focusing on these things, then change them as (hopefully) my schedule frees up and I feel more human.

The way I feel right now, the #1 item on my daily checklist will be “Don’t kill anyone”.  🙂 Let’s just see about making it through that one before adding too much else!

Eating Habits

Last night was my first workout in nine days.  Nine days!  Wow.  I feel very discouraged right now. Losing weight is hard enough when you have free time to work out.  Trying to focus on losing weight when you are working constantly is nearly impossible.

I skipped weigh-in this past week.  Nothing good could have come of it.  I was exhausted, wiped out, and grumpy.  I worked both Saturday and Sunday, so I have yet to have a break.

It’s time to admit defeat.  Setting goals of losing 2 pounds a week or working out 6 days a week are just silly right now.  I am not saying I give up or that there’s no way to lose weight when you are pressed for time, but it’s got to be slow and sane and in proportion to what I have left to put into it, which isn’t much.

My eating habits have got to change.  Without the time to work out and burn off extra calories, how I eat is going to take center stage.  That is going to take a lot of work.  I have horrible eating habits. Give me soda and junk food, and I’m a happy woman!  Vegetables?  Yuck.  Water?  Gross.

Yeah, I have my work cut out for me.  I wish I had time to think up and run a challenge based on eating better, something to help me focus on it each day.  For now, I’m scrambling to find time to even blog.  I feel disconnected from support when I don’t have time to blog, so I’m glad I was able to find a few minutes today.

Tired and Grumpy

I haven’t abandoned my blog.  Really.  Every time I have started to write something, I have been interrupted.  This week has been, quite frankly, hell, and I’d give anything for it to be Saturday morning and finally my day off!

I am working nearly 70 hours this week between my two jobs.  By now my brain is a fog, my feet are so sore I can barely walk, and let’s just say I just might be a tad bit on the grumpy side.  I really need some solid sleep.

I gave up on even entertaining the notion of workouts this weekend.  Not gonna happen until my day off on Saturday.  Unfortunately, with my all-or-nothing thinking, that has also led to giving up on my eating.  Well, why bother?  If I can’t incorporate one healthy habit, they may as well all go to shit, right?  Yes, that is how my brain functions!  It’s a self-defeating mentality, but one that is hard to shake.

I have managed to log my food this week, at least.  What I’ve been eating may not impress anyone, but at least I tracked it.  My plan is to finally work out on Saturday (no alarm, though, definitely not a morning workout). If I’m working Sunday, I will either work out after work or track my steps/activity at work (it’s at a store, so I’m constantly in motion) and see which way makes the most sense for how I feel that day.

It’s actually been driving me nuts that I can’t work out this week.  I’m looking forward to my schedule easing up just a bit next week so I can get back to at least 4-5 days of exercise for the week.  My exercise ticker has been stuck at 35 minutes all month!  I set a low goal of 600 minutes for May and am determined to reach it.

Back to Zero

You may have noticed that my weight loss ticker has gone from one measly pound to zero.  Big fat zero. *sigh*  Let me explain.

Last week was a lot of eating out, at work and also with my boyfriend, and eating out is a huge trigger for me.  I know there are salads on the menu.  I know there are things like vegetables and grilled chicken and fish.  But who the hell wants that when there are things like hamburgers and french fries that are so much more appealing?

I had a gain this past Saturday, my weigh-in day, and I was tempted to not update my weight ticker, but I want to keep it honest.  Though to be completely honest, my weight loss is now technically in the negative numbers.  I reset my starting weight and am back at square one.

This week is going to be challenging too.  I work two jobs, and I was just asked to work a third night this week.  That makes three 13+ hour days in a row.  How am I supposed to work out or sleep or even think straight?  Ugh.  Not looking forward to it, but I need to plan and get through it.  I need to quit using my crazy work schedule as an excuse to eat crap.  It shows on the scale, and on my butt, loud and clear!

Design a site like this with WordPress.com
Get started