Hard Headed

I really expected a gain at my weigh-in on Saturday.  I had eaten out on Thursday, brought my leftovers for lunch on Friday, drank a lot of soda, and skipped at least one workout.  It wasn’t a banner week.  Luckily I slid by with a 0.6 loss, a small one but still a loss, and happily not a gain!

Still, I really want to lose this weight and just get rid of it already.  Scraping by with barely half a pound a week isn’t going to get me anywhere terribly fast.  I want to tighten up and have a stronger week and a bigger loss this week.

It didn’t help that Friday night, already dressed for my workout, I bent down to pick something up and managed to slam my face right into the corner of the desk.  Instantly, a black and blue bump popped up beside my eye, and I had a raging headache.  I ended up seeing a doctor since I felt groggy and couldn’t shake the headache.  Needless to say, no workout happened Friday night!  But the good news is, I don’t appear to have done any permanent damage to myself.  (According to my fiance, that’s because my head is hard as rock!)

I got up early this morning and logged a 40-minute step workout before work, since my fiance and I will be headed to one of the kids’ schools this evening.  It’s going to be a busy week, so I sat down over the weekend and planned all of my workouts to make sure I have time each day.

Happy Monday!  Here’s to a great week and an even better weigh in this Saturday.

Negativity

In what insidious, destructive, and wicked place do negative self-thoughts come from?  Earlier this week, I was working out, working up a sweat, doing what I was supposed to be doing if I want to lose weight, when suddenly, out of absolutely nowhere, the self-defeating thought crossed my mind that I am so far from my goal weight, I may as well just give up because I am never going to get there.

What the…?  Where did that even come from?  And why? I tried to push it out of my head, but it kept circling back like a rabid dog, clamping down and snarling and viciously refusing to be shaken loose.

I told myself to knock it off.  Yes, I have a long way to my goal, no denying that.  But there is absolutely no reason I will never get there.  The only thing that can stop me is me, and of course bullshit ideas like that one.

I’m not going to lose 60+ pounds from one workout.  It’s not going to happen overnight.  All I can control is what I am doing right now, today.  I could control if I finished that workout, or if I let negative thoughts defeat me.  I finished the workout.

I haven’t completely shaken the negative self-talk, though.  All week I’ve struggled more than usual with my eating, and I think some of those seeds of doubt have taken root.  I need to grab them in a tight fist and yank them out before they sprout any bigger.

Good news from this week: I ran 4 miles yesterday, and the other day, my fiance told me he can tell I’ve lost weight.  Awesome!  Hopefully this negative garbage in my head didn’t throw me off too much this week, and I will have another loss at weigh-in tomorrow.

Weigh In and Yard Work

I was very nervous about weigh-in this past Saturday.  I stepped up the intensity of my workouts this week, but my eating left a ton of room for improvement.  I worked out hard Friday evening, hit the gym Saturday morning, then went home for the fateful moment of truth with the scale.

I lost 2 pounds!  I was going to be happy with a tiny loss, as long as it wasn’t a gain, but this was even better.  It left me wondering how much I would have lost if I’d have kept my eating in check, but hey, lesson learned.  I’m thrilled I had a loss, and I will work on my eating habits this week.

The constant rain eased up a bit over the weekend for me to get some yard work done, but high humidity and temperatures in the 90’s made it grueling and not terribly pleasant.  I didn’t get done everything I had planned, but I finally just yanked off my gardening gloves and went inside for some much-needed water and a very needed shower!

I can’t wait for cooler weather.  I’ve never liked summer.  Fall is my favorite season, cool but not uncomfortably cold.  Give me sweatshirt weather, jeans, snuggling under a blanket on the couch with a nice fire crackling in the fireplace.

For now, though, it’s blazing hot, disgustingly humid, sweat-as-soon-as-you-step-outside weather. Yuck!

Back to Running

Why is it that after a great weigh in, I struggle like crazy the next week?  After losing nearly 3 pounds last week, all I’ve wanted to do this week is eat, eat, then eat some more, and it’s been like pulling teeth to make myself work out.

My fiance and I went out to dinner earlier this week, and I didn’t even bother to pretend to watch what I ate.  Then we had a work luncheon, and I’m sure that meal had enough salt and calories for half a lifetime.  I skipped one workout but managed to force myself to exercise every other day this week.

One major accomplishment this week: I finally started running again!  While we were packing and stressing over buying the house and all the hold-ups with closing, I let running fall to the wayside. Then I just got lazy.  It’s been well over 8 months since I went running. I decided to get back to it, nice and easy, so I started with a treadmill run with just the slightest incline.  I lasted 3 miles and it nearly killed me, but I did it!  My plan is to run again either this evening or tomorrow morning.

I have no idea what to expect at tomorrow’s  weigh in.  I did pretty well with workouts, especially considering that I really, really didn’t want to work out much this week.  But my eating…well, that could have been a whole lot better.  I will be happy with even a tiny loss tomorrow!

2.8 Pounds

I had a great weekend and am far from ready to be back at work today.  My stepkids were home, and they were excited to tell us about their first few days of school.  Then I weighed in Saturday morning to a 2.8 pound loss!  Yessss!

I was proud to show them that my workout log is filled in each day of this month so far.  My goal is to finish the month with each day filled out with some sort of workout.  I’ve been adding more weights and more variety.

I used to be really into running, but it fell by the wayside while we were preparing to close on the house and then with moving, packing, unpacking, setting up the house, etc.  Oh, and getting lazy, if I am entirely honest here.  It’s been at least seven months.  I know getting back into it is going to be painful and humiliating, and my ego is going to take quite a beating, but my goal this week is to get at least one run under my belt.  It can be just five minutes, but I want at least one running workout on my log this week.

I’m still in a state of amazement that I’m back on track and not screwing up every time I turn around, like I have been for so long.  To keep up my motivation, I’m going to make a list today of weight loss rewards, something small but meaningful to me for each 10 pounds, all the way down to my goal weight.

I’ve been in a much better mood since I started working out and losing weight, too.  I just feel more in control and hopeful and happy.  It must show to others, too, because my fiance and the kids and I had a beautifully peaceful, fun weekend, a lot of laughing, a lot of snuggling, a lot of “I love you” ‘s.

In stark contrast, when we dropped the kids off yesterday evening in Hickville, Psycho stormed out of the house as we were leaving, a pissy, tight-lipped expression on her face.  She radiated hostility and negativity, like a dark, bitter cloud hovering above her glowering head.  I almost feel sorry for her sometimes.  Almost.  She chooses to be how she is, and the only one who can change that is her. The ones I truly feel sorry for are the kids, who have to live with that.

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