Category: work

Here We Go Again

Of course, the morning I have to get up extra early is the coldest morning of the season!  It was so hard to slip out from the warm covers, my soft pillow, and my husband’s sleepy arms, but I had a work event bright and early, so I braved the cold morning…reluctantly.  Very reluctantly!

By some miracle, I have no events, appointments, or obligations after work, so I get to head straight home and actually enjoy an evening with my husband and stepson.  Number one on my agenda is to fit in a workout: any kind of workout, even just 10 minutes, just to move my body, sweat a little, and then enjoy a long, hot shower on a chilly evening.  I can already hear a cozy blanket, the fireplace, and my husband’s lap calling my name.

We got some news recently that didn’t exactly surprise us.  Psycho is playing her latest round of me-me-me drama, dragging the kids around yet again, and and it’s already taking its toll.  All three kids’ grades have dropped over the past week or so.  Two of them are getting serial Fs.  

I already knew, just from seeing their grades, that the crazy had been dialed way up at their other home.  And I already suspected the source: the same person who typically causes upheaval and stress in their lives, but wastes not even a precious second worrying about the impact on them, as long as she is getting what she wants.  

I certainly hope the attention, the drama, the pity, and the handouts from her daddy make it worth it to her.  Because it sure as hell isn’t worth it to the kids.

No one is exactly shocked that yet another person has decided his life would be better without Psycho in it.  We are also not surprised that she has made no effort to protect the kids from her incessant lust for melodrama, and that every choice has been made for her maximal gain and the kids’ utmost detriment.  Her priorities are loud and clear, and once again, the kids don’t even make her list.

My older stepson said he described his dad’s and my relationship as “solid” when he was telling a friend about us before meeting us for the first time.  That meant a lot to me, and I am proud that he feels safe, secure, and stable in our home.

If the best someone can offer the kids is instability, stress, yelling, worthlessness, and total dependence on others, then perhaps she should spend more time reflecting on much-needed personal improvements, and less time obsessing over my husband and me.  But that would be rational, sane, and empathetic to the kids, and I already know better than to expect that.

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My One

It was dark by the time I got home from work yesterday.  And cold!  We’re talking take-your-breath-away, bone-numbing, just-stay-inside chill.  As I turned down our street and approached our house, I could see, through the tree branches, our Christmas lights twinkling on the house and in the yard.  I smiled.  It was like the house was welcoming me home.

I ran into my stepson in the driveway, who had just stepped out to walk his dog.  I had to laugh, because I could tell by the look on his face that being outside, in that temperature, was far from what he really wanted to be doing at that moment!  (The dog, however, was thrilled with the temperature drop.  Go figure.)

As I finally, happily stepped inside the house, I was greeted by our lit Christmas tree, my husband waiting to hug me, and a warm fire crackling in the fireplace.   Any tension remaining from the long day melted away.

There are so many jokes about being married, making fun of the spouse, winking knowingly about the shared distaste for married life, the drudgery, the boredom, the old ball-and-chain crap.  I don’t feel that way.  I feel sorry for anyone who does.  At the end of a long day, like yesterday, I could think of nowhere else I wanted to be, and no one else I wanted to be with, than at home with my best friend, my partner in crime, my one, my husband.

Day Off

One benefit (and probably the only one) of being so busy at work the past few months is that I still have time off I need to use before the end of the year.  I decided that yesterday would be one of those days, and I looked forward to a much-needed quiet day to myself.  I considered making an appointment to get my nails done, something just for me, and I daydreamed of lounging on the couch, tucked under a blanket, reading a book, beckoning the servants to bring me another fruity drink…okay, I got carried away.  But I was really looking forward to a day off and a day all to myself.

I got up early with my husband, then headed to the gym while he went to work.  I managed to run a  little over two miles on the treadmill and was really proud of myself for getting back at it.  Bonus points for not dying.

Throughout the morning and afternoon, my husband kept me updated on my younger stepson, the one who recently had knee surgery.  Any information we receive about the kids is sketchy at best, percolated through multiple layers of bullshit, details skimmed off, facts stretched and manipulated and occasionally completely fabricated.  As the day progressed, it became apparent that what had been presented as a simple doctor visit and procedure was actually quite a bit more serious.

We headed to the hospital, found the surgery waiting room, and took a seat, not realizing it would be home-sweet-home for the next five freakin’ hours.  I realize patients are observed after surgery, but not for five hours, for Pete’s sake.  My husband offered his keys so I could just drive home, then come back for him later, but I decided to stay with him.

While everyone else in the waiting room made out with their cell phones and drooled onto their precious screens, my husband and I found the crossword puzzle from a newspaper sitting nearby and filled that out.  He loves crossword puzzles and knows the most obscure words.  One clue was something about the Egyptian word for something or other, and my husband nodded his head like it was the most elementary thing ever and scribbled the word into the appropriate little squares.  How the heck does someone even know that?

I read about 10,000 magazines, took a walk around the hospital, almost took a nap against my husband’s arm, and still we sat.  Then sat some more.  Finally, we were told that my stepson had a hospital room, and we rushed there to wait some more, but by then, all of us were pros at sitting, waiting, and restraining ourselves from leaping up and bellowing “For the love of God and all that is holy, what the flying hell is taking so long?”

He waved at us as his bed was rolled up the hallway and into the room.  I thought he would be groggy and sleepy, but he seemed pretty alert, talking to us, making jokes.  It was a relief to see him and know for sure that he was okay, although I didn’t like the idea of him sleeping alone in a hospital room.  Knowing hospitals’ reputations for waking someone up on an hourly basis all night, though, I knew he would be checked on very frequently!  So my husband and I hugged him good-bye and left to let him rest as best he could.

So my day off wasn’t exactly what I had planned.  That’s okay.  It was important to be there for my stepson and to wait with my husband, who would still be sitting there this morning if he had to, just to make sure my stepson was okay.

Back to the grind today.  I completely forgot about a meeting this morning, or our Christmas party at work this afternoon, so it’s been hectic since I walked in the door.  Is it time for my next day off yet?

Plot Twist

Plot TwistI saw this image yesterday, and I fell in love.  It fits how I feel right now perfectly!

The last few months have certainly taken their toll.  I have been swamped, overwhelmed, stressed out, and worn out.

When I logged into my gym account yesterday afternoon to see when my membership renews, I saw that my last visit to the gym was almost three months ago.  THREE MONTHS!

Yes, I have truly let myself go.  I have let things slide.  I have stopped taking care of myself in so many ways.  And it shows, on the scale, how I feel, how my clothes fit.

I’m not here to kick myself in the head, though.  I’m here to say, “Damn, this has been a tough year, but I never even thought about quitting.  I never wavered in taking care of my family.  I did not fall behind at work.  Bills got paid, the house stayed spotless, I helped the kids with homework, Christmas presents are already hidden in my closet.  My shit got done, no matter what!”

I keep waiting for things to ease up, for life to slow down, but changes just keep coming down the pipeline at work, and I keep hopping, doing my best to keep up.  There are a few other changes coming up quickly too, that I will write about later.

For now, I am going to focus on creating this plot twist for myself for the last month of 2019.  Instead of ending the year tired, wiped out, and frustrated, I intend to implement some changes to get back to taking care of me.  Maybe it won’t be at the same level as before, but I can do a lot better than I am doing now.  And I need it!

I am stopping after work today to pick up the last few straggling Christmas presents for the kids, and I think, for once, I will not be practical and frugal and so freakin’ sensible.  I am not going to go wild and stupidly rack up a credit card, but damn it, I deserve a small splurge!  I am not even going to try to plan ahead for this one.  I will just look around and see what my heart says it wants.

Last night I got home late from work, and it was dark already.  As I neared the house, I saw Christmas lights twinkling, and I thought how cool it was that one of our neighbors decorated already…then I got closer and saw it was our house!  My husband surprised me by not only putting up all the outdoor lights, but also setting up the Christmas tree.  It’s funny how happy and excited I got when I saw the lights.  I went inside and gave him a big hug and kiss for making my day!

Back to Me

It’s time for change.  A lot of changes.  Why not change up my blog, too?  No disrespect to Wonder Woman, but I wanted something calmer, prettier, quieter.  For now, anyway.

I also changed my blog title, because things are so hectic and crazy right now that I am just not motivated by the notion of Wonder-Woman-in-training.  Hell, I already am Wonder Woman, each day, just getting by and surviving and living to do it all again the next day.

With some staff changes at work, I thought things would settle down, but instead, I am in and out of meetings all day.  It’s great they want my input, but I just want to grab my keys, turn off my computer, and tell them I am calling in sick for the next month.  I desperately need some time off, time to myself, time to relax and breathe.

Everyone around me has been deathly sick lately, first my older stepson, then my poor husband, and now almost everyone at work.  By some miracle, I have not caught anything…yet.

The phrase “back to me” appealed to me for my new blog title because that is my fundamental goal right now: getting back to me.  Shifting gears, changing my mindset, and forcing myself to remember that I need my own attention and time and care.  Now, how to squeeze out that time, I haven’t figured out yet.  I just know I need to.

Starting with tonight!  My goal this evening, no matter what else is going on, is to carve out at least 20 minutes for a simple workout.  Nothing fancy, nothing hard-core, just moving this tired body and taking time to take care of worn-out, exhausted, I-need-a-vacation me.

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