Category: slow down

Everything

I had a lot of plans for my blog after the new year: a recap of last year, goals for this year, catching everyone up on my little world. But my workplace has had other plans for me.

I am known at work for being very detail-oriented, thorough, reliable. Great, right? Well, sure, until the number of people who depend on me, ask me questions, and send me documents to review became a bit overwhelming.

Yesterday I stayed late to finish reviewing a 60+ page budget for someone else in my department. I stared at numbers, followed table rows, and corrected adding errors until I was damn near cross-eyed. Meanwhile, my own work sat, untouched, because I was interrupted all day long with questions and requests for help. I am flattered that I am considered so reliable and helpful, but I really need a breather and time to handle my own work, too.

I want to think a bit about how to make this blog serve me best this year: how to use it more for accountability, for just getting thoughts out of my head, for recording snippets of my life. I haven’t had much time to ponder that since coming back to work, but it’s churning in the back of my head.

Today is officially one full week into the new year already. I know I can’t make time slow down, but I want to take some time each day to really focus on what is happening around me, from the scattering of clouds in the sky to the feel of the breeze as I sit outside at night, to a new bud on one of our roses, to the sound of my husband laughing at something I said, the way his eyes shine when he is happy, all of it…the small things that are actually everything to me.

I Love…

photo-1518199266791-5375a83190b7I have a to-do list a mile long today, so I got up extra early to tackle it.  I have had so much going on lately, my spinning head feels like it’s going to explode, and I never know if I am coming or going.

I need to take a moment.  I need to pause.  I need to stop dead in my tracks and focus on things that make me happy.

I love:

  • The smell of coffee.
  • The gentle purr of my fat cat when I pet him.
  • Laughing at my husband and the kids joking around together and being silly.
  • Waking up with my husband’s arm around me, or his hand holding mine in his sleep.
  • Our home, and knowing we worked for every bit of it and take care of it ourselves.
  • When someone stops me when I am working in the yard to tell me how adorable our house is or how nice the yard looks.
  • New roses just opening up.
  • Quiet afternoons with a good book.
  • Getting random text messages from my husband, just letting me know he misses me or is thinking of me as we go about our day.
  • Chicken wings (hey, who doesn’t?)
  • Chilly, drizzly weekends, and snuggling up under a blanket to listen to the rain.
  • A fire crackling in the fireplace on a cold winter night.
  • Coming home and seeing my husband smile when he sees me.
  • Animals. Penguins (and cats) are near the top of my list, but I have a soft spot for all animals.
  • Waking up early, realizing it’s Saturday, and being able to roll back over, tuck back under the covers, snuggle close to my husband, and go right back to sleep!

There’s a lot more, but this did the trick.  I still have a lot to do, but at least now I can do it with a smile on my face.

First up?  Time to cross my workout off today’s list!

Kinder and Gentler

Yesterday I got frustrated enough to decide I really can’t do this alone, and that obviously I need some extra help.  I went online and researched everything from Weight Watchers to apps to weight loss programs, and I almost had myself convinced that whatever it took, whatever it cost, I clearly needed to just do it.

I stopped myself this morning for a reality check.  Do I really need to pay someone to tell me to eat less and to move more?  Do I need to pay a program or app to find out that soda with every meal is likely a bad idea? 

Don’t get me wrong.  I think Weight Watchers is an awesome program.  But if I don’t have time to go to the in-person meetings, and if the in-person accountability is what I truly want, then it doesn’t make any sense for me to shell out that cash for the comfort of feeling like I did something, when really I didn’t, at least not long-term.

I took a deep breath.  I had a talk with myself.  I’ve done this before.  I’m not clueless about what works for me and what doesn’t.  I know it’s hard work.  But I also know I’ve stuck to it before, and the only reason I’m not right now is because I’m choosing not to.  Over and over and over.

I keep bouncing from MyFitnessPal to LoseIt, back and forth.  I think LoseIt has better tools, but even with friends on that site, it tends to be pretty quiet, not much feedback.  MyFitnessPal seems more active, chatty, supportive.  That’s what I need right now.  So I set my computer bookmark to have MFP at the top of my screen, put the MFP app on the main screen of my phone, and (*gulp*) opened my food diary so my buddies can see it, in all its shining glory.  No more hiding my awful eating!

Part of my problem is feeling almost panicky about the weight gain and wanting to charge all-out, full-speed-ahead from the gate, making all the needed changes at one time, then getting frustrated when I can’t stick to that, feeling like a failure, wondering why I bother, and losing motivation to even try.  Enough already. 

I need a kinder, gentler approach.  So what if I don’t launch straight back into Insanity workouts and hour-long weight training sessions?  The world isn’t going to end, and no one is going to die.  I’ve gained 20 pounds.  I can’t do the same workouts I was doing 20 pounds ago.  I need to build back up.  Sucks, yes, but the only solution is to lose it again, and for heaven’s sake, not gain it back again!

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