self-improvement – My Time to Bloom

A-Ha Moment

Recently I had an a-ha moment. It wasn’t a brand new revelation, exactly, and it was something I have touched on and mentioned before, but it was the first time that it really sank in, grabbed something deep inside, and refused to be brushed aside again.

I take care of things. I mean that in many ways.

First, I mean it in the sense that I get things done. I am very task-oriented. Let me know something needs done, and I am already formulating a plan to finish it. My husband is the same way. When we helped our older daughter move recently, he and I jumped right in, stayed in motion, never slowed down, and focused on getting the job done. The entire move was completed in less than two hours. Now, we were exhausted, sweaty, and thirsty, but the important thing to us was…we got it done!

Second, I mean it in the sense that I take care of others. I am not a coddling, baby-talking kind of caretaker. I believe in tough love when needed, and that nurturing means honesty and guiding people to take care of themselves. But I feel responsible for the ones I love and want to help them in any way I can.

I take care of my husband, my stepkids, my grandbabies. That will never change, and I don’t want it to. I love them and want to take care of them. I am not complaining or nominating myself for martyrdom. I have never thrown what I do for them into their faces, because that’s an asshole move.

But this is the realization I had recently. I had just come home for work, and my husband wasn’t home yet. The first thing I did was take care of my cat, picking him up, loving on him, getting his dinner and clean water. Then I went outside to take care of the cats who refuse to live inside: petting them, talking to them, changing their water, serving dinner.

And after that, I was strolling to the back edge of the yard to pick up the large water bowl I leave for squirrels and raccoons, getting ready to clean and refill it, when the thought hit me that I actually prioritize taking care of everything and everyone under the sun before myself. Again, not because I demand praise and want a medal for my sacrifice, but because I simply run out of energy before I get to me, and that has been happening for a long time now.

I had to laugh. I have a house full of plants and orchids that I take care of and fawn over. A yard I fuss over all the time (weeding, trimming, mulching, you know, the never-ending maintenance). A car that gets washed and detailed every week. A house that stays cleaned and organized. The neighborhood’s happiest birds, squirrels, raccoons, rabbits, and possums, thanks to multiple feeders, bird baths, and water bowls. Four amazing kids, an awesome husband, two beautiful grandkids, three brothers I adore, all of whom only need to ask, and I will be there, because I love them all and am happy they are in my life.

I wouldn’t trade any of it or take any of that off the table. What made me laugh was realizing that I have prioritized absolutely everything, including random wildlife, over taking care of me. So much of my time and effort are devoted to everything and everyone but me, and I have come to view taking time for me as as a waste of my time. I actually get irritated about doing something for myself.

I love animals, but come on…when raccoons, squirrels, and hummingbirds are tended to better than myself, maybe it’s time to reevaluate and reprioritize just a bit!

I am not dropping anyone off my list, human or animal or plant. They are all still important to me and worthy of my attention and energy. I have just finally come to the realization that hey…I am worthy of my energy and attention, too! And I need to slide myself to the top of that list sometimes, because I not only want it and deserve it, but because I honestly need it.

Word of the Year

I have read other blogs about choosing a word of the year, but I have never chosen one myself. It seemed like a silly, cliched thing to do, a touchy-feely gesture with no tangible purpose. But for some reason, when I read this quote, I found myself wondering, what will my word of the year be for 2026?

I kicked a few words around in my head, but nothing sunk in its teeth and held on until I hit on one in particular. It clicked into place and felt perfect:

BLOOM.

That is exactly what this year will be for me. Last year, I did the dirty work, the digging, the cultivating, churning things up underground, just like preparing a garden bed for the seeds and the beauty to come. I dug deep, ripped out weeds, and finished the year exhausted from the work but also at a level of peace I have never felt before.

Lasting change is impossible without that prep work, just like a thriving, healthy flower garden is not possible without making sure the ground is ready to accept the seeds, ready to embrace them and nurture them into something beautiful. Weeds pop up, as any gardener knows, and vigilance is needed to tear them out before they take over and suck vitality from the flowers.

That’s where I am now: waiting patiently for the seeds to burst from that ground. Waiting for the flowers whose home I have prepared. Tired from the battle to get to this point, but in a calm, happy way, because I know it will be worth it.

More of Me

Ever since I could hold a pencil, writing has been a release for me. I filled countless notebooks, diaries, and now blog pages.

Over time, though, I strayed from being fully open about things like my weight and fitness goals and struggles. I feel like a broken record, and if I am being completely honest, I am also a bit embarrassed by how many times I have started, fallen, started again, landed on my face again, cursed, gave up for a while, started yet again…over and over.

But seriously, isn’t that something that an awful lot of people can relate to? How many people wake up one day, decide to lose some weight, and then do just that, effortlessly, with no struggles or stumbles, and continue on their merry way?

Conversations with some other bloggers this week made me see how silly I have been. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. We can all only support each other, learn from each other, kick each other’s rear ends as needed, and be human together.

After fitting into my goal jeans last month, I faced the anniversary of my mom’s death, experienced a death in my husband’s family, traveled for the funeral, went out of town for another trip, and returned to a dumpster fire of a mess at work. As an emotional eater, I responded the way I always do: eating like my life depends on perpetually munching on something sweet and calorie-laden.

I could do one of two things at this point. I could keep hiding, keep digging myself further into this ditch, and move even further away from my goals. Or I could come here, write about it, connect with others about it, hold myself accountable, and turn it around before I get too far out of hand.

Which one sounds more logical and helpful to you?

So, expect to see more of me here. I miss writing. I miss sharing my story, openly, honestly.

I skipped weigh-in last week, but I am going to bravely face the scale this Saturday morning. I already know it’s going to be a gain, and probably one hell of a whopper of one, too. Oh, fun! But once that number has been recorded, it’s time to turn to the future, not tear myself to pieces for falling down.

Where do I go from here? It’s up to me. It’s important to me that this isn’t all about a number on the scale, though. True change doesn’t happen without a significant shift in thinking, in mindset, in your soul. That requires a lot more work, of course, but it will be worth it. If you are on the same path, let’s do this together.

Pretty Damn Good

I typically skip over quotes like this. I call them rah-rah-girl-power quotes and usually find them annoying, at best. But this one felt personal. This year has been a lot of work, a lot of clean-up, a lot of introspection, and now I am finally reaping the benefits. I look better. I feel better. I am happier.

After facing and conquering some of the emotional hurdles that have held me back since my mom died, I feel so much more gratitude and peace. A lot of people never battle their demons, and they spend the rest of their life paying the price for it. It’s exhausting, but worth it. After climbing that treacherous mountain, well, all of my other goals seems so much more doable now in comparison.

Am I perfect? Hell no. The beauty is, I know that. I accept that. And I am more than okay with that, because I had the honesty and strength to pinpoint, examine, and release the parts of me that had to go, for me to be happier. So, no angel wings here, but I do have a smile, love, a sense of accomplishment, and excitement for my future. I’d say that is doing pretty damn good.