friends – Sweat & Sparkle

More of Me

Ever since I could hold a pencil, writing has been a release for me. I filled countless notebooks, diaries, and now blog pages.

Over time, though, I strayed from being fully open about things like my weight and fitness goals and struggles. I feel like a broken record, and if I am being completely honest, I am also a bit embarrassed by how many times I have started, fallen, started again, landed on my face again, cursed, gave up for a while, started yet again…over and over.

But seriously, isn’t that something that an awful lot of people can relate to? How many people wake up one day, decide to lose some weight, and then do just that, effortlessly, with no struggles or stumbles, and continue on their merry way?

Conversations with some other bloggers this week made me see how silly I have been. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. We can all only support each other, learn from each other, kick each other’s rear ends as needed, and be human together.

After fitting into my goal jeans last month, I faced the anniversary of my mom’s death, experienced a death in my husband’s family, traveled for the funeral, went out of town for another trip, and returned to a dumpster fire of a mess at work. As an emotional eater, I responded the way I always do: eating like my life depends on perpetually munching on something sweet and calorie-laden.

I could do one of two things at this point. I could keep hiding, keep digging myself further into this ditch, and move even further away from my goals. Or I could come here, write about it, connect with others about it, hold myself accountable, and turn it around before I get too far out of hand.

Which one sounds more logical and helpful to you?

So, expect to see more of me here. I miss writing. I miss sharing my story, openly, honestly.

I skipped weigh-in last week, but I am going to bravely face the scale this Saturday morning. I already know it’s going to be a gain, and probably one hell of a whopper of one, too. Oh, fun! But once that number has been recorded, it’s time to turn to the future, not tear myself to pieces for falling down.

Where do I go from here? It’s up to me. It’s important to me that this isn’t all about a number on the scale, though. True change doesn’t happen without a significant shift in thinking, in mindset, in your soul. That requires a lot more work, of course, but it will be worth it. If you are on the same path, let’s do this together.

Excited

The hardest part of Christmas shopping this year has been fighting the urge to just go ahead and give everyone their presents. I always start shopping very early, so some of the presents have been tucked away for months. One of the presents for my husband was particularly difficult to hide away instead of give to him as soon as I got it, because I think he is really going to like it. I can’t wait for him to open it.

This week has been so busy that it’s all been just a blur. Christmas parties, lunches with friends, events at work, baking…I can’t believe it’s Friday already.

I am heading to one of my newly-discovered favorite places with a friend for lunch today to catch up, then I will head home not long after that to start my Christmas break. I’m excited for wide open days with my husband, no particular place to go unless we feel like it, and finally seeing everyone open all their presents!

Lasting Love

Days

I have had this conversation with at least two people recently. A friend of mine from school, who I have known since 6th grade, just celebrated his 50th birthday and wrote on Facebook, “Fifty years of my life is past…gone…never a chance to get back the time lost, undo the mistakes made, rebuild bridges burned or even care just a little more about those around me or even myself.”

I hope he doesn’t mind me sharing his words. I knew I couldn’t say it better.

We talked on the phone not long ago for the first time since we were in school. It’s funny, because even though I know we are obviously not in middle school anymore, I expected him to sound the same. He actually did when he laughed. I could picture him in front of me, plaid button-up shirt, crooked bangs in his eyes. Now he has a daughter almost the same age as we were back in 6th grade.

I was showing pictures at work of a co-worker’s baby, who is over two months old now. Someone commented how time flies, since it seems like just yesterday that our co-worker went out on maternity leave. I said time has started going by so fast that it’s scary, how I look forward to each weekend, but as each one shows up, I am reminded that another week is gone in the blink of an eye.

My friend turning 50 ended his post with, “We never know how much time we may have left, so for the next however many years I may be here, I’m gonna live life, have fun, love more…”

I like that plan. It’s a good one. I want to find meaning, love, peace in each day. I want everyone I care about to know how closely I hold them in my heart. I don’t want to just cross days off a calendar. I want to live them, feel them, enjoy them, and treasure each one.

Baby Shower

I was so nervous on Friday morning, hoping I hadn’t forgotten anything for my friend’s baby shower. I decided to throw it at work, which added an extra layer of complication: trying to bring in presents, stash diapers, and decorate without her seeing any of it!

I decorated the room with help from some co-workers, and I placed the pink diaper bouquet in the center of the table. I was worried it would turn out goofy looking, but so many people asked me where I got it and said it was so cool. We spread out the food, cupcakes, little pastel candies, anything that was colorful and pretty, and arranged all the presents on a table with balloons.

When it was time to start, we asked her to come to the conference room for a quick meeting. I came in the door behind her, and everyone shouted “Surprise!” She actually froze in place, and I thought for a second she was going to cry. Then she smiled from ear to ear, and I showed her to her seat of honor at the head of the table.

When I got a chance, I asked her, “Were you really surprised?” She laughed and said yes, then said she couldn’t believe no one had said a word. I told her how long we had been planning for it, but I didn’t tell her I verged on threatening to break kneecaps if anyone mentioned it to her and ruined the surprise, ha ha.

I was so stressed about every detail, but I was finally able to relax and enjoy myself. As she opened presents, and her eyes lit up and she looked so excited, and everyone simultaneously cooed “Awwwww” at all the little baby items, I was able to smile to myself at how cozy and fun it was.

Everyone was laughing and calling out comments and enjoying themselves. It was such a far cry from the baby shower I attended in December, when everyone looked like they would rather be absolutely anywhere, and doing anything else, than being trapped in that cramped, cluttered room. I’m glad it was nothing like that.

I helped her carry gifts and cases of diapers to her car after the shower, and she was still smiling. She told me later that her mom saw the diaper bouquet and told her to use the diapers from the bouquet last, so they wouldn’t have to take it all apart, because it was so cute. That made me happy.

A co-worker came to my desk this morning to thank me for the baby shower and said that everyone had such a good time. How can you not have a good time, oohing and ahhing over tiny little baby dresses and bibs and fluffy blankets and toys?

Time to actually do some work now, I suppose. Planning a baby shower was a lot more fun though!