This quote actually makes me cringe, because it’s painfully true: I have wasted immeasurable time and energy on so many things over the years that ultimately just don’t matter at all. The saddest part is, doing so has drawn my time and energy away from people who matter most to me.
I let myself get dragged into a tornado of spitefulness, jealousy, and bitterness, whipped up by someone else, but I can’t deny my part in taking digs where I could and feeding the fury. Looking back on it now, though, I just feel tired and embarrassed and ready to move on.
I know others involved will never reach that point. By their own choices, they are incapable of growth or of even desiring it. That is out of my hands. I, for one, am ready for happiness and peace. It will have to be a one-sided pissing match from now on.
Another quote I like is “If I cut you off, it’s because you handed me the scissors.” That is exactly how I feel lately. I refuse to try to figure out why someone does this, why someone does that. A mature and honest person will be upfront and direct with me about how they feel. Immature, emotionally stunted people will rely on silent treatments, backstabbing, spreading lies, attention-seeking drama, and passive aggressive bullshit that I no longer have any patience for, no matter who it is.
The heart of my world has tightened, closed up around what I truly care about and the people I love intensely. I want to be sure I leave this world having left no doubts in their minds how much they matter to me, how much joy and happiness they have brought to my life, and how much I wholeheartedly treasure them.
I want to focus on that which brings me peace: gardening, being outside, reading, learning, exploring, laughing, fully living. I want to focus on bringing as much affection and appreciation to my loves ones as I possibly can.
I want to focus, from here on out, on what really matters, and to hell with whoever and whatever do not. I have wasted all the time I going to waste on meaningless nonsense. I value myself, my peace, and my loved ones too much to do anything else. I need to make up for lost time…starting now.
Sweat & Sparkle 