August 2021 – Sweat & Sparkle

I like this quote so much that I saved it on my phone. The hard truth is, I have done exactly the opposite for quite some time. Without wanting to, I have let the slow drip (and more than occasional flood) of other people’s toxins seep into my head, and it has taken its toll.

My focus and clarity clouded, obscured for so long that I accepted as normal things that should not be a part of my life. I have walled myself off from feeling as fully happy and free as I could.

This likely doesn’t make much sense to anyone but me. That’s okay. I just wanted to attempt to set free some of the thoughts and words battering the inside of my head.

I am sorting through a lot of thoughts, actions, and habits. I am holding each one up, inspecting it, determining if it adds quality to my life or drains positivity from it. I am tossing away what needs to go and holding on even tighter to what needs to stay, like my best friend, my husband; the pure joy I get from hobbies like reading and gardening; and, of course, writing.

I had drifted away from writing here much because I was still categorizing my blog as a my “weight loss blog”, and what could I possibly say when there is little to no weight being lost? Compartmentalizing pieces of my life, like my health efforts, has been part of the problem, part of what I am changing. Everything about me, all pieces of my life, are intertwined and interacting. Why try to tease them apart and draw hard lines where none naturally exist?

Self-improvement is a foreign concept to some unfortunate people in my life. I have prided myself on not being like them, but at the same time, I have unintentionally allowed their negativity to hold me back. I never realized just how much until recently, and now that my eyes are wide open, I refuse to shut them at all.

There are a lot of changes in the works. I am not even certain yet what all of them are. But I feel excited, happy, and hopeful for the first time in a long time.

On Saturday, my husband and I wore ourselves ragged, working in the yard. It was hot and humid, and we were both grateful to finally collapse on the back deck with ice water, panting and sweating, exhausted…but hey, the yard looks great!

We more than earned a day off, so on Sunday, we slept in, then left all to-do lists, obligations, and everything else behind and set off for a day trip. Our original plan was to stroll around antique shops and stores in a town not terribly far away, but we hadn’t anticipated that entire town being shut down tight because it was Sunday.

No matter. We still enjoyed checking out what was there to plan our next trip, then admiring the gorgeous Victorian houses and elaborate, old churches. We selected whatever side road looked interesting to us and then explored it, then picked another one.

We stopped for lunch at one of the few local places open on a Sunday, then decided to tour the grounds of a nearby plantation. My husband fell in love with a horse in the stable, and I was starting to think we weren’t going to be able to leave. The horse headbutt his stall door when my husband tried to walk away, and he did it harder and harder until my husband walked back over to him. The horse leaned into my husband’s hand as he scratched his neck and rubbed his ears, and his large, brown eyes were half-closed like he was falling asleep.

We promised we would be back, then wandered around the plantation. It had threatened to rain all day, and drizzled on and off, so we had the grounds mostly to ourselves and managed not to get rained on. We had a lot of fun, exploring, getting grand ideas for our yard from the gardens. Then, true to our word, we ended up back in the stable so my husband could say good-bye to his new friend, who was waiting patiently at his stall door for more scratches.

Even the drive home was fun, pointing out cute houses or plants we like, talking about where we would like to go when we come back on a Saturday, when things are actually open!

We stopped for dinner at our favorite Italian restaurant, which conveniently was on our way home. I have enough leftovers to pack lunch at least two days this week!

Then we headed home, full and happy. My husband said he had a fun day with me, and I smiled. Yes, it was a beautiful day. I enjoyed it very much.

My husband was still asleep when I left for work this morning at it’s-still-dark o’clock, and I was careful not to wake him. I wanted so much to just stay at his side and spend another day with him. I hadn’t even made it to work yet when I had a good-morning text from him. (Guess I wasn’t as quiet as I thought I was!)

I’ve already scrolled through our pictures from yesterday and looked up some of the shops, restaurants, and other places we decided we want to check out on our next trip. I suppose I should actually get some work done now, though, but in my head, I am still hand-in-hand with my best friend, exploring the plantation, making friends with horses, and just being happy.