Month: December 2020

Perspective

I had to get up at oh-my-god o’clock this morning for work. I stumbled to my office in the dark, half-asleep, trying not to wake up the whole house. I have a to-do list today as long as my arm, and it’s still growing.

It would be easy to be a bit crabby about it. I sure didn’t want to slide out from under my husband’s snuggling arm or the warm, cozy covers this morning. I would need to clone myself to get everything done today.

Yesterday evening my stepdaughter asked me, “You aren’t done working yet?” It was at least an hour or two past most people’s quitting time when I finally wrapped up my phone calls and turned off my laptop. What can I say? This is a hopping time of year for counseling programs, and my providers have had a lot of questions and just need someone to listen to them every now and then.

Maybe it’s because I hear so much from people reaching out for help. Maybe it’s because I know quite well how much a lot of people are struggling right now and how hard they are treading water. This job has forced me to look at life through a different lens, and I just can’t gripe about much when I walk out of my office and my husband smiles because I am done for the day, and I just feel loved.

I don’t pretend everything is perfect or that I never get grumpy (just ask my husband!) I don’t bury my head in the sand or ignore problems. But I do take a fresh look at them and place them into perspective.

Being miserable takes a lot of energy! I would rather spend that energy on the people who love me than making everyone around me miserable. My husband already spent way too many years with someone like that. He deserves better than that. So do the kids.

It will be another long work day today. When I finally shut down my computer tonight, I need to squeeze in a quick workout, re-energize myself and recharge my drained batteries. Then I will leave work on my desk, where it belongs, and shift gears to enjoy the evening with my husband and stepdaughter, and just have fun.

My Wagon

You know that feeling when you are falling backward, and you fling your arms out and grasp wildly, like frantic windmills, desperately seeking anything and everything to latch onto and break your fall? That is how I have felt the past few weeks.

For some reason, I fell off the wagon right after Thanksgiving. I held it together for the holiday itself, even lost a small bit of weight that week, then burst apart at the seams after that. I keep drifting further and further away from my elusive wagon.

That resulted in the windmilling arms and flinging arms mentioned above. What could I do to motivate myself, relight my spark? I’ll join this challenge, I’ll sign up for that, I’ll promise this.

I am not exactly aiming for a specific weight, though. I weigh in, yes, to monitor my progress (or regression, as the case may be lately), but my ultimate goal is to fit back into a specific pair of jeans in my closet that has been waiting for me for a long time. I figure once those fit comfortably again, I don’t care what the scale says, I am back to my happy weight.

My husband asked me the other day how close I am to my goal. When I asked him why, he said he would honestly be happy if I didn’t lose another ounce. He was quick to add that he wants me to do whatever makes me happy. I had to smile. It’s good to know, while I am wracking my brain how to get back on track with losing weight, that he thinks I look awesome just the way I am.

Back to that quickly disappearing wagon of mine that I fell off weeks ago. I decided a challenge based on weight loss alone will not be very motivating, since my goals also include increasing my fitness and strength, and running a half marathon in 2021. I shifted gears and have decided to hunt for a running challenge instead.

This week, I have back-to-basics goals: logging all my food and drink. Working out at least 30 minutes a day. Drinking more water and easing up on my crack-addict level soda addiction.

The holidays are a tough time to get back on track, but if not now, when?

Inspire

A lot of people seem to be struggling right now. Chalk it up to the virus. Chalk it up to the holidays. I just know a lot of people are saying they are not motivated right now, feeling “off”, just not into this whole fitness and weight loss thing right now.

I am one of them. I have forced myself to work out the last few days, but I really didn’t want to. I know I will have a substantial gain at weigh-in this Saturday, and while I don’t like it, I also don’t feel super driven to do anything about it.

Then a funny thing happened. A friend of mine gave me a pep talk and told me that I inspire her. Who, me? I was flattered but surprised.

Then, out of the blue, someone on LoseIt sent me a message saying she hoped I would be back soon, because I motivate her when I post my workouts. Again, I was surprised that anyone had noticed I was not posting as many workouts lately. I matter to a total stranger online?

It was a kick in my rear. Sure, this is about me, but it’s not only about me. Same as I root for my friends, both online and in real life, there are people out there cheering for me, and why would I want to let them down?

My husband encourages me and tells me how great I look, no matter what I weigh. He has been so supportive, putting up with the alarm in the pitch black for early morning runs (well, not lately), nudging me when I don’t want to work out, letting me know that he loves me either way. How can I let him down?

And then there’s my beloved and inspiring cat…just kidding. I just wanted to see if you are still paying attention.

Obviously losing weight and getting in shape is about me. It’s about my health. It’s about my well-being, my happiness, my success. But opening my eyes and seeing everyone else who I affect by my choices certainly puts this into a different light.

And then there’s you. Yes, you. If you are reading this, you are taking time to catch up on my journey and take a few steps along the way with me. I don’t want to waste your time with a “whatever” attitude and just stop working out because I feel lazy.

I want to succeed for me, for my husband, for my family, for everyone who has supported me and cheered me on and taken the time to comment here. It would be selfish to tuck into a ball and stuff my face and gain weight like crazy, after the time others have taken to encourage me to take steps to better myself.

I admit that a large part of coming here to write this today is to publicly commit to getting back on track. But it is also to say thank you. I hope that I return the favor in at least some small way for everyone who encourages me and makes me want to be a better me.

Design a site like this with WordPress.com
Get started