“Don’t let the ugly in others kill the beauty in you.”
As soon as I saw this quote, I saved it, and not just because it has a butterfly on it! These are words that, in some fashion, I have said to myself, to my husband, and to our kids a million times.
Sounds so simple, doesn’t it? Except it’s really not. Not when toxicity is exhaled with every acrid breath of certain of people in our lives.
I can’t even count how many times the kids have cried and asked me or their dad why certain people lie, why others do the things they do. Brushing away tears from young, innocent eyes, being face-to-face with the hurt deliberately caused by someone else, is painful, maddening, and enraging.
As the kids get older, they have become embarrassed by the behavior of others in their lives. As they realize, more and more, how abnormal and downright bizarre the actions of those people are, it is increasingly important to remind them: you are not responsible for the choices of others. You cannot control how another person wants to live her life. All you can do is learn from it and be a better person because of it.
It seems like every day, I end up shaking my head, at a loss for words at the actions and choices of people in the kids’ lives who absolutely refuse to mature, grow, move on. Day in and day out, they consciously choose to live this way. When they have an opportunity to do what is best for the kids, or do what is best for their crippling ego and raging immaturity, without fail they unhesitatingly and selfishly choose the latter.
It’s easy to get tied up in the insanity of asking “Why?” Don’t. You will never, ever find logic in illogical acts. You cannot apply reason to unreasonable people.
Retaliating would be easy. When we hear the hateful, childish things said about us, sure, we could leap into the ring and start slinging insults and throwing punches too. But why? The only ones taking hits are the kids. We refuse to do that.
Simple: we avoid hurting the kids. We don’t consider it a victory to bruise and batter their emotions. We don’t smile triumphantly at their tears or take smug pride in their scars. We don’t fire straight through them, hoping we hit a target on the other side, cheering as they bleed.
It will never change. If the toxic people in the kids’ lives were ever going to evolve as human beings, they would have done it by now. Years later, they are still lying, using, manipulating, hissing, lashing out, obsessing. They are still spiritually and emotionally retarded, and they always will be.
Sometimes the best a person can offer is serving as an example of how NOT to be. That is the case here. I don’t believe the kids have yet to let go of hope that these people will change, so they will inevitably be hurt again, many times.
Each of the kids has been injured by growing up like this. It’s not fair to them. It’s downright insane. And wrong.
Each of the kids has amazing beauty inside. They are worlds better than the people trying to hold them down. My hope for the kids has always been that they never let the poison of others seep into their hearts, that they stay exactly who they are, who they are meant to be, no matter what others choose to be, or attempt to choose for them.
It will ultimately be up to them. I just hope they always choose the beauty in their own hearts instead of the ugly in others.
Sweat & Sparkle 