Ever watch “My 600-lb. Life”? I’m not a big TV watcher, but while my husband was flipping channels one day, that show caught my eye. They were old episodes, not even sure why they were on, but one of the morbidly obese women made the comment that to do something like this to yourself, to let yourself be so overweight, you have to hate some part of yourself.
Wow. That really stuck with me. Okay, so I am nowhere near 600 pounds, but her words made me think: do I hate something about myself to let myself be overweight? Do I hate part of myself so much that I refuse to take care of myself or respect my body enough to be a healthy weight?
Off the cuff, I’d say, no. I don’t hate myself at all. I think I’m a pretty cool person. I don’t think I can use hating myself as an easy cop-out for being overweight. But it’s an interesting thought and leads me to ask, well, why then? Why did I let myself get this overweight and out of shape?
One huge reason is, I am overwhelmed. I am juggling too much, and the whole diet-and-exercise thing just feels like one more ball to keep in the air. When it’s time to let some of them drop, that is the first one I let fall.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m grateful beyond measure to have a job where I am considered critical, important, valuable. Just this morning, the president of our company came into my office, told me the draft of a letter I did was impressive, and said, “I know you could find a job somewhere else with your skills. I’m glad you stay here.”
I don’t hate my job, not at all, especially after some changes over the past few months. I just have a lot of responsibility, a lot of demands, and that translates into a lot of pressure. Right now, I have a lot of deadlines and due dates, and I feel rushed and frantic non-stop.
All right. So how do I take some pressure off of myself? Obviously, I can’t just tell my boss, “Sorry, buddy. Gotta lose some weight, and I need some me-time. See you in a few months.”
I am going to experiment for the next few weeks. All this measuring, logging, tracking, recording…to hell with it. I know damn well what a normal serving size looks like. I know water is better for me than soda, and that wings (however heavenly and delectable they are) are not a good daily food choice. I know if I was active today or not. I’m going to drop my food diary and the pressure to get every bite, every sip, logged.
I kicked around the idea of a monthly weigh-in instead of weekly, but I don’t know about that one. I can do a lot of damage in a month! I believe I need to stick to weekly weigh-ins to keep myself in check.
Last night, my stepson had plans, so my husband and I took his dog for a long walk. It was fun, just strolling along, talking, joking around. My husband said he’d like to do it more often, and I would, too.
I’m already feeling like I’m in a better headspace about this. I won’t pretend I have it all figured out and am an expert on getting my shit together, but at least I have the process started!
Sweat & Sparkle 