Month: October 2017

A Little Drama

Yesterday was my official day #1 of logging Weight Watchers points instead of counting calories, and I did pretty damn good, if I may say so myself.  I have 30 points per day, and I finished the day at 30 points exactly.

I showed my husband the app, explained the points, and showed him how I had used 30 of my 30 points and didn’t have any left for the day.  He was polite and pretended to be interested, ha ha.  A few minutes later, I asked him to toss me a caramel from the candy dish on the table beside him, and he said no.  He told me, “I am not going to contribute to the delinquency of your diet!”  So thanks to his diligent police work, I did not go even one point over for the day.  (For the record, I looked it up, and one caramel is one point.)

Today I had hot tea with my breakfast, because my usual breakfast-of-champions beverage, Coke, is 9 points, and that’s just way too much to use at one swoop.  I have had no soda today at all.  I don’t know what it is about the points system vs. calories that motivates me so much more, but whatever it is, I will take it!

Remember that wellness challenge at work that I mentioned, where we are tracking our miles?  This morning the person in charge of the challenge came to my office and, looking embarrassed, told me that he had gotten some questions about the number of miles I’ve been reporting on our chart.  I showed him my workout log, where each and every mile is accounted for.

He told me that a co-worker (he didn’t say who) complained that I should be converting Spinning class time to miles.  That makes no sense.  The Spinning bikes have little computers that track rotations per minute, time, and miles.  So I know precisely, to the hundredths of a mile, how many miles I cover during one class.  I told him the bikes track miles, so why would I convert time to miles?  If someone is walking on a treadmill, they are logging the miles from the treadmill, not converting time to miles.  Why would Spinning class be any different?

I can understand converting activities that don’t easily measure in miles, like yoga or weight training or Zumba.  But walking, running, and biking are easily measured in miles already.  There is nothing to convert.

Since he had no explanation, argument, or rationalization for me, I am not changing a thing.  To be honest, I am irritated.  If I was in dead last place, how I track Spinning class would not even be an issue to anybody.  But I’m winning, and pretty soundly spanking everyone’s butt at that, so now I am under the microscope, with jealous co-workers trying to find ways to discredit my hard work instead of stepping it up themselves.

Don’t like that I am whipping your ass in the miles challenge?  Then beat me.  Simple as that.

In honor of the sissy coward punk who complained and couldn’t even do that to my face, I did a 2-mile walk during my lunch today instead of the usual 1-mile.  Consider this game on.  Didn’t like how many miles I had last week?  Oh, wait until you see what I rack up this week!

Weight Watchers Warrior

I did a lot of thinking yesterday.  Now, usually, that is a dangerous thing.  But last night it seemed to lead me to a good decision. 

I had been kicking around the idea of joining Weight Watchers again.  My husband reminded me that last time, I got bored quickly with the meetings and quit going.  That’s true.  The first meeting or two, I was gung-ho, excited, enthused, practically tossing confetti and lighting fireworks as I strutted eagerly into that room.  Pretty quickly, though, it just felt like yet another chore on my to-do list, and I didn’t want to go anymore.

But there’s no denying that the points system helped me eat so much better.  I didn’t have a choice.  When a soda is about 9 points, and I have maybe 30 pounds for an entire day, I learned pretty quickly that I had to scrap the soda and the junk if I wanted to actually eat.  Counting calories is easier, but it’s obviously not motivating me to make better choices.  I’ve struggled long enough trying to get back on track on my own.  It was time for a change.

So I marched into work this morning, having decided I would join online only, that I would invest in a few months of access to the app and food-logging tools, that I would spend the money and the time to do this for myself, and hoorah and yippee, and…the Weight Watchers site had a server issue and was down.

What the…?  Are you freakin’ kidding me?  I finally decide to take a big step and do something to help myself, and their website isn’t working?  Is this some cruel practical joke of the asshole Internet gods?

It’s all good.  I tried a little bit later, and I was able to sign up.  So I am now a committed, full-fledged, all-in Weight Watchers warrior goddess again!  Too bad they don’t sell armor in their online shop. 

Maybe I can train my cats to enforce my WW points.

I set up the app and am getting used to their system and points again.  I logged my breakfast, just to get back into the habit, and ohhhhhh boy, let’s just say I really need to make some serious changes, and fast!  Is it bad to have only point left for the day at 11 AM?  Ha ha.  Just asking for a friend.  Yeah, ummm, not for me. 

Another change I made, in line with the kinder, gentler approach I mentioned: for now I am eliminating all weight goals, charts, logs, contests, challenges, etc.  Putting pressure on myself is not motivating right now.  I will keep the My Marine Boot Camp Challenge image on my page, since I still intend to support my stepson by losing weight while he is gone, but I’m not measuring a certain number of pounds in a certain number of days.  It will just backfire on me right now.  Maybe down the road, I will feel ready to jump into challenging myself, but for now, it’s all about being kind to myself and gaining my strength back up, emotionally and physically. 

Just Do Something

I didn’t want to work out yesterday.  I wasn’t simply reluctant to work out, or a bit less than motivated to work out.  I flat-out, violently didn’t want to work out, and the very idea of it made me want to scream, curse, and throw my workout DVD’s into a raging pit of fire. 

I sat down and turned on the computer to play a workout DVD.  I turned it back off.  I turned it back on.  I got up and decided I needed to eat dinner first, even though eating first was a horrible idea. 

So I ate.  I came back.  I felt like I had eaten a bowling ball, since naturally I had eaten too much, and I can’t work out after a big meal, now can I?

Good lord, the stupid stuff that I do, then wonder why I am overweight!

In the end, I put on my sneakers, grit my teeth, and did a 30-minute workout.  I had finished a 1-mile walk during my lunch earlier, so I finished the day with 3 miles for my work wellness challenge.

I also finished the day wondering just what the hell is the matter with me.  I want to lose weight, I need to lose weight, so why am I standing in my own damn way, making certain that doesn’t happen? 

When I was done with my workout last night, I stormed into the living room, furious, at what, myself, the world, I don’t even know.  I started venting about not getting anything done that evening, and my husband said, “You got something done.  You worked out.”

Well, yes, he had a point there.  It was a major accomplishment, considering I was possessed by some sloth demon who decreed that I shall not exercise, so help me god.  I did it anyway.  I didn’t enjoy one single second of it, but I did it anyway.

I decided I need to back off the schedules, the weight charts, the mapped-out plans, just for a little while.  It’s doing nothing but frustrating me and making me feel like I’m not measuring up.  It’s not up for debate whether I work out or not, but doing a particular workout on a certain day, for a specified time frame…well, that’s not working for me right now.  Just move.  Just do something.  That is all I can give right now, and I need to work with that until I gain some traction and feel that spark again.

Kinder and Gentler

Yesterday I got frustrated enough to decide I really can’t do this alone, and that obviously I need some extra help.  I went online and researched everything from Weight Watchers to apps to weight loss programs, and I almost had myself convinced that whatever it took, whatever it cost, I clearly needed to just do it.

I stopped myself this morning for a reality check.  Do I really need to pay someone to tell me to eat less and to move more?  Do I need to pay a program or app to find out that soda with every meal is likely a bad idea? 

Don’t get me wrong.  I think Weight Watchers is an awesome program.  But if I don’t have time to go to the in-person meetings, and if the in-person accountability is what I truly want, then it doesn’t make any sense for me to shell out that cash for the comfort of feeling like I did something, when really I didn’t, at least not long-term.

I took a deep breath.  I had a talk with myself.  I’ve done this before.  I’m not clueless about what works for me and what doesn’t.  I know it’s hard work.  But I also know I’ve stuck to it before, and the only reason I’m not right now is because I’m choosing not to.  Over and over and over.

I keep bouncing from MyFitnessPal to LoseIt, back and forth.  I think LoseIt has better tools, but even with friends on that site, it tends to be pretty quiet, not much feedback.  MyFitnessPal seems more active, chatty, supportive.  That’s what I need right now.  So I set my computer bookmark to have MFP at the top of my screen, put the MFP app on the main screen of my phone, and (*gulp*) opened my food diary so my buddies can see it, in all its shining glory.  No more hiding my awful eating!

Part of my problem is feeling almost panicky about the weight gain and wanting to charge all-out, full-speed-ahead from the gate, making all the needed changes at one time, then getting frustrated when I can’t stick to that, feeling like a failure, wondering why I bother, and losing motivation to even try.  Enough already. 

I need a kinder, gentler approach.  So what if I don’t launch straight back into Insanity workouts and hour-long weight training sessions?  The world isn’t going to end, and no one is going to die.  I’ve gained 20 pounds.  I can’t do the same workouts I was doing 20 pounds ago.  I need to build back up.  Sucks, yes, but the only solution is to lose it again, and for heaven’s sake, not gain it back again!

Hurry Up and Wait

False alarm!  My stepson did not leave for boot camp yesterday after all.  I am not feeling overly confident about the Marines’ ability to schedule, plan, or coordinate much of anything right about now.  His swearing-in was just like this too: hurry up!  Get here NOW!  It might start at 10 AM, it might start at 4 PM, but you better arrive around 7 AM and sit in an uncomfortable waiting room with no idea what is going on and no one willing to tell you.  On second thought, might be today, might be tomorrow, hell, might be exactly forty-seven days from now, who knows?

If they can’t put together a competent ship-out to boot camp, how do they operate during a war?  Maybe their tactical plan is to confuse, irritate, and discombobulate the enemy until they collapse of sheer exasperation. 

My poor husband drove over 6 hours total yesterday for mostly nothing, then got up early and went right back to the processing station this morning.  I got up early with him and hunted down an old, cheesy-but-wonderful workout called Cardio Boot Camp Live.

I adore Billy Blanks.  Who doesn’t, right?  I used to have the DVD’s from this workout set, and the resistance bands, but I don’t remember what ever happened to them.  I used light weights instead of the bands this morning.  So another morning workout in the bag for this week.

I’m still struggling with my eating habits, but I am just trying to do a little better each day.  Which at this point is “not as horrific as yesterday”, but hey, it’s a start, right?

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