Month: May 2017

Mind Games

I really struggled yesterday.  All I wanted to do was eat, pig out, binge.  After getting excited about losing 38 pounds and realizing I am halfway to my goal, my jerk brain picked it up, twisted it, and cruelly gave me this to ponder instead: I am ONLY halfway there.  Suddenly I felt like my goal is a million miles away again, and I felt so discouraged.

I hate the little mind games that make this so hard.  I will get excited and feel proud of myself for fitting into clothes two sizes smaller than when I started, or being able to feel the difference in my body, then I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and feel disgusted.  I’ve been working so hard to still have chubby cheeks and look like that?

Well, of course I still look overweight, because I am.  I still have about 40 pounds to go.  I hate that I let this get in my way and bring me down.  I’ve worked 38 pounds off of this body!  I want to focus on that, be proud of that, not tear myself down for the 40 pounds I still need to lose.

I hung in there and stayed under my calories yesterday, and I did a strength training workout and told myself that each workout shapes and strengthens my body to look awesome when I reach my goal.  I am not there yet, and it shows.  Nothing wrong with that.  I am still working toward that goal.  I still have 40 pounds to lose, and that shows too…and that’s okay too.  Because I am working on it, making the changes I need to make.

Today my shoulders are sore from yesterday’s workout, and after work, my Insanity workout is waiting for me.  I’m trying hard to focus on what I have accomplished, not on how far I still have to go.

Magnificent Transformation

My goal for May had been to get down to 179 pounds, and at Saturday’s weigh-in, I weighed in at 179 on the nose.  I’d like to lose 10 pounds by the end of June and be down to 169.

I started to think this weekend about how far from my goal I still am, how I feel like I’ll never get there, then I realized, if I can get down to 165 by the wedding (end of July), I will only have about 25 pounds to go to my goal after the wedding.  My goal weight is tentatively 140.  I’m playing it by ear, seeing how I look and feel instead of setting an arbitrary number.

My LoseIt app estimates I will reach my goal weight by mid-October.  That is only 3 months after the wedding and 5 months from now.  Realizing that got me excited and motivated again.  I’m not a million miles from my goal anymore.  I’ve lost 38 pounds and have about 40 more to go.  I’m halfway there!

I saw this quote and loved it so much, I added it to my Motivation page:

That is exactly what I want: the next few months to be a period of magnificent transformation for me. I will reach my goal weight, I will be stronger, I will be fitter,  I will be able to finally, finally say “I did it!”

More Insanity, and Eye Liner!

As promised, last night I did the 55-minute Insanity workout called Max Interval Plyo.  It was a piece of cake, a walk in the park, and I barely broke a sweat…just kidding!  I seriously need to remember to grab a towel before I start these workouts.  I end up snorting sweat up my nose, which I’m sure you’re glad to know all about, but hey, this is an honest review!

There are a lot of push-ups in this workout.  I’m not sure if I’ve ever mentioned I hate push-ups.  And mountain climbers.  There are a lot of those too, as well as other exercises that require my head to be upside down, a huge pet peeve of mine.  I just don’t like it.  But I know the moves are in this workout for a reason, so I do my best to just do them, though I have to admit I take more breaks during the moves I don’t like, like this one:

This move is called the “What the Hell are We Doing, and Why Would We Even Think About Attempting This?” move.  Okay, that’s what I call it.  I believe Shaun T calls it something else, like side to side hops or something less inventive like that.  I hate my shirt wadding up around my ears like that.  Refer back to “I hate moves that require my head to be upside down”.

I adore Shaun T, so I grit my teeth and do my best, until I just have to yank my shirt back down or catch my break or swear at Shaun T, constructive things like that.  As much as I hate some of the moves, there is absolutely no denying that these workouts are intense, working my body like crazy, and making me stronger, even though during the workout, sometimes I feel like this:

I hadn’t intended for my workout review to turn into a make-up review, but I noticed that when I went to wash my face after the Insanity workout, all my make-up had of course sweated off, except my eyeliner.  Granted, it wasn’t as prominent or neat and tidy as it was pre-workout, but it was still there, and still looked pretty good, which was impressive, given all the sweating and face-wiping.

So here is a shout-out to L.A. Girl Glide Gel Liner, which I picked up for something like $3.99 at Ulta.

Today’s workout is done already, since I got up at oh-my-god o’clock to hit the gym.  I’m leaving work early today to head to my older stepdaughter’s awards ceremony at her school, and since the kids’ schools are an hour drive each way, we won’t be home until late, so I had to fit in my workout this morning.  My stepdaughter has straight A’s, and has carried that most of the school year.  She is intelligent and works hard.  She texted her daddy last night to tell him she is excited to see us there, so I wouldn’t miss this for the world.

Hump Day

Today I should be trekking all over an amusement park with a wild, loud gang of elementary school students, but thanks to the weather, the field trip I planned to chaperone was cancelled.  My stepdaughter is disappointed, because her dad and I have chaperoned the same field trip for her older siblings, but maybe we’ll get another chance.

So instead, I’m sitting at work.  I guess I could have still taken the day off, but I want to save up my vacation time for the summer and holidays.

Hump day, and how has this crazy week been going?  It feels like it should be later than Wednesday! I’ve been struggling with wanting to eat, eat, eat this week, but I have managed to stop myself and remind myself that I really want to drop into the 170’s this weigh-in.  I won’t do that if I pig out and lose my focus.

Tonight I will try another Insanity workout.  The name of the workout is “Max Interval Plyo”.  Whew, just reading that leaves me gasping for breath.  I never in a million years would have thought I’d fall in love with the Insanity workouts, but I honestly like them.  I especially love the feeling when I’m done, dripping with sweat, lungs burning, knowing I just pushed my body and burned some serious calories.  But during the workout, mostly I’m just thinking “Why in the hell am I doing this?”  Ha ha.

Cleaning Out the Closet

My weigh-in on Saturday was a loss of 1.8 pounds.  I knew it would be a much smaller loss, since I lost so much last week.  I have lost a total of 35 pounds now, so I am not complaining at all!

This week is going to be rough.  It’s the kids’ last week of school, and there are ceremonies, parties, events, and field trips packed into each day.  I sat down with my planner this past weekend, reviewed each day, and scheduled my workout for each day so there are no excuses for skipping and claiming I just couldn’t fit it in.  I need to get up early and work out before work a few days this week, but it’s just what I have to do.

My fiance and the kids were teasing me on Saturday because I was wearing my favorite jeans, but they are at least 2 sizes too big now.  My fiance called them my gangster pants, because they sag so much.  I finally kissed them good-bye and added them to the Goodwill bag after I did laundry.  I cleaned out some sweaters, t-shirts, and other tops that are too big, and I dropped a bag at Goodwill yesterday.  My first round of too-big clothes!  I can’t wait to lose enough weight to have to do another round.

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