Month: December 2016

Happy New Year!

Who doesn’t love penguins?

Goodness, three blog posts from me in three days!  What on earth is happening?  I guess I just feel the need to check in now that I’m trying so hard to get back on track.

Yesterday I made a list of small rewards for every 10 pounds that I lose.  I started with the smallest rewards, like a workout DVD, and will give myself bigger rewards, like a manicure at a salon, as I lose more weight. Nothing elaborate or silly expensive, just things I don’t typically buy for myself that I like the idea of earning and looking forward to along the way.

I have a long weekend coming up due to the holiday, and I plan to get some yard work done but also find time to get organized and get my mind into the game so I can hit the ground running on January 1st.

I know it’s trite to make New Year’s resolutions, but I am making one anyway.  My biggest goal for 2017 is to reach my goal weight before the end of summer.  In order to do that, I need to get into my routine again and stay consistent.  No more backpedaling, no more giving up.

Last night I did a Leslie Sansone walking DVD and walked for 3 miles.  My fiance can’t stand her. When he imitates her, he uses a nasal, high-pitched monotone and squawks, “Walk, walk, walk!”  Ha ha. Okay, she does say that a lot, but nothing beats her workouts when you want something gentle, low-impact, and simple to ease back into a workout routine.

Not sure how much I will be online over the weekend, so I will wish all of you a happy new year right now!  If you are like me and didn’t reach your goals in 2016, then now is the time to drop those regrets and baggage in the trash and stroll into 2017 with your head held high, because no matter what the past held for us, we are going to accomplish a lot in this new year.  It’s a genuine new start.  Let’s make the most of it!

My Year

Yesterday I said I wouldn’t say “2017 is MY year”, but guess what?  I’m going to say it anyway.  So what if I’ve said it before?  So what if I’ve failed before?

I like this quote from Thomas Edison.  I have found many, many ways that didn’t work for me.  Time for me to find what does.

When I joined my gym, a consultation with a personal trainer was included.  I met with him last night.  Of course we worked out, but the most motivating part was sitting in his office, talking to him and answering his questions.  When he asked me how motivated I feel, on a scale of 1 to 10, I told him, “My motivation is high, but so is my discouragement, because I have failed so many times.  I can’t get out of my head that I just can’t do this.”

The trainer reminded me of a less hyper, more serious Bob Harper.  He put down his pen when I said that and told me that yo-yoing has a lot of negative effects, including psychological.  I can’t remember exactly what he said, but I do remember how he looked when he said it, almost leaning across the desk to emphasize that I can do it.  I still don’t fully believe it, since it will take some time to shake off this dust and disappointment, but I sure as hell want to try.

I have way too many events coming up this new year to waste time and add one more year to the accumulated time that I’ve been overweight and miles from my goal.  My oldest stepson graduates in June, and I will be getting married this year, to name just two!  I want to feel good, and definitely look good, especially in the wedding pictures, since we already have a space reserved on the fireplace mantel for our wedding picture. I don’t want to cringe every time I look at it.  I want to feel happy and proud and healthy, and look at that picture and know I earned how I look.

I want the kids to be proud of my hard work.  I want them to have a strong, fit, healthy female role model in their lives.  I should have lost this weight years ago.  I don’t put myself down or moan and whine about my weight to them, but naturally they can see that I am overweight and out of shape. Their egg donor makes things worse by blabbing non-stop about her weight, criticizing other women for theirs, and basically making the kids hyper-aware of weight, especially for women.  I want to offset that with positive and healthy attitudes and behaviors, neutralize some of that damn negativity.

I’ve waited far too long to lose this weight and the self-consciousness and disappointment that comes along with it.  I’m embarrassed that I have let it go this long.  There is no excuse for it.  But I can start making changes now to ensure that I start moving toward my goals and make 2017 my year, after all.

Still Here!

Merry (belated) Christmas!

Don’t send out the search dogs!  I’m still here!  It’s been well over a month since I posted anything, but I am very much still alive, have not been abducted by aliens, and am ready to get back to it.

I was just tired of hearing myself, like a broken record, repeat the same things over and over.  I didn’t want to come back and write anything until I had something new to say.

First, the same old, same old: yes, I have gained weight.  I am back up to 213.8 pounds.  Blech, I cringe just typing that.  But I faced the scale on Saturday (on Christmas Eve, nonetheless), and that is what I have done to myself.  It is what it is.

I am barely a pound away from my highest weight ever.  Here we are, the end of 2016, and after all my new starts, promises, and declarations, I have truly accomplished nothing this year as far as weight loss goes.

The biggest problem is, I have accomplished nothing as far as weight loss goes for much more than this past year.  I reached my goal weight back in 2008, and I haven’t been able to get back to it since.  That is EIGHT YEARS ago.  Holy crap, almost nine years since I have been a healthy weight!  Nine years of struggle, and nine years of failure.

That leaves a heavy feeling in my heart.  That could have been nine years of enjoying my health and looking and feeling my best, instead of starting and stopping diet after diet, disappointing myself, and falling on my face.

I can sit here and type all I want about how 2017 is going to be MY year, how I’m going to do this, I’m going to do that, but I have done that nine times already.  What is going to make this time different?  What is going to make this time, the time that I finally and actually do it?

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