5K

It had been far too long since I went for a run, so after work yesterday, I laced up my running shoes, braided my hair, and headed to the gym. I was surprised how much I had missed it, even in the short break that I had taken. It felt good to fall into that rhythm, to move, to work up that sweat.

I ended up running just over a 5K distance, then stretched and went home to clean up, change clothes, and treat myself to a new face mask I had just picked up. I have a ridiculous amount of body lotions, face masks, serums, you name it, but what can I say? I love self care, and hey, I deserve it!

Then, at last, my favorite time of the day: time to cuddle up with my husband, relax, chat about anything and everything, unwind from the day, and just enjoy some time to ourselves before heading to bed and closing out the day.

I slept so much better last night. I feel like I am getting my stride back. I am sliding back into my happy routine and am getting excited again about setting goals for myself.

On top of that, we have fun plans for this weekend, our favorite holiday is next week, and this morning was the first noticeably cooler weather of the season…ahhhh! Bye, summer! Don’t hurry back. I have a huge stack of sweaters and sweatshirts just waiting for the chilly days!

Insomnia

I couldn’t sleep last night, so I spent most of the night listening to my husband’s soft breathing beside me, watching shadows shift slowly on the bedroom walls, and thinking. A lot.

Maybe it was actually a blessing in disguise, because instead of getting frustrated that I couldn’t sleep, I decided to go with it. Think. Pick up that thread. Pull on it. Keep following it. And when the train of thoughts got uncomfortable, I pushed on, let it sting, and then simply asked: “So what now?”

I won’t bore you with too many details of my late-night pondering. Hours of sleep-deprived imaginings are not exactly coherent, anyway. In a nutshell, I just got to thinking about how I am back to playing games with myself, doing a half-hearted workout to say I did one, snacking and not logging it in my food diary, convincing myself I will do better tomorrow, and how all of that is inevitably going to add up to being right back where I started.

The very thought of that made me feel like someone was stepping on my chest. Hell, no! I worked so hard to lose this weight, to get stronger, to run again, to be proud of myself. Why am I so hell-bent on shitting on all of that and ruining all of my hard work and progress?

I woke up today, after finally dozing off, with one thought: I am going to succeed today. It’s non-negotiable. I owe it to myself. Get back on track, finish this journey strong, find new goals to focus on and surpass.

I don’t want to regain any more weight or slowly slide back into unhealthy habits that leave me discouraged and unhappy. I have wasted enough time in that dismal head space over the years, and I don’t want to go back.

I don’t know why last night’s insomnia-induced musings finally opened my eyes, but it is worth the fatigue I am slogging through today. I just keep repeating to myself, “I am going to succeed today.” And I will. And tomorrow too, and the day after that.

I owe it to myself, and no one can do this for me, so time to get back to work.

Set the Tone

I’m never particularly happy when the weekend is over, especially a relaxing and peaceful one like we just had. It rained yesterday, and it was wonderful, staying inside, just watching football, cooking, and snuggling with the Husband Guy.

I won’t lie and pretend that I woke up this morning, pumped up and excited to start a Monday morning. But I look at it like this: Monday is going to come, every single week, whether I want it to or not. So shouldn’t I make the best of it?

Five work days are sprawled out in front of me. Today sets the tone for how the rest of the week goes.

I am heading out soon for lunch with a co-worker and friend, and I am looking forward to that. What are you doing today to set the tone for a good week?

Pretty Damn Good

After weeks of barely-existent workouts and eating like a ravenous, growing baby dinosaur, I squared up with the scale this morning. I joked with my husband that if he heard me shriek in horror and collapse to the floor, to pay me no mind. He told me, “You’re doing fine, and I like your butt the way it is anyway.” I laughed and ventured forth to face the scale.

It was a gain, of course. No surprise there. Not as atrocious as I was expecting, but still, it’s icky to see numbers on the scale that I thought I would never have to see again.

But I know that where I go from here is 100% up to me. Keep wallowing in bad habits, gain some more, or accept this new starting point, learn from the stumble, and get back on the path to badassery.

I saved this quote to my phone as a reminder. There is nothing to be gained (no pun intended) by being angry with myself or punishing myself for a slip-up.

I take responsibility for gaining some weight back, and I accept that it’s up to me to reverse course and get back on track. Simple as that. In the past, I have blown it up to insurmountable proportions and made it so much worse for myself. I refuse to do that again.

Let’s put it into perspective. Look around! I have a loving, supportive husband who can’t keep his hands off of me, no matter what I weigh.

We have a beautiful home that is our refuge and retreat.

We have love, happiness, and plenty of laughter, thanks to my husband and the goofy kids (and now grandkids).

We have it pretty damn good. I don’t want to ever lose sight of that again, and I want to appreciate and honor all the blessings in my life. Even while working on myself, I want to embrace the beauty and joy that already exist in my life, and never miss an opportunity to feel loved and happy.

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