Sweat & Sparkle

Yesterday’s goal was simple: just move. Anything. Anywhere. For any length of time. I just wanted to set a goal, no matter how small, and actually stick to it. I felt like working out about as much as I felt like licking a toad, but I made myself change clothes, tie up my sneakers, and hop onto my stationary bike for a bit.

I wish I could say it was an exhilarating experience and made me fall deeply in love with working out again, but mostly I grumbled irritably under my breath and watched the clock and counted each agonizingly slow second until it was over. About halfway through, my husband wandered into the room, gave me a kiss, and told me, “Good job, baby”, so that helped a lot and got me through to the end.

This evening, I will do it again. And the day after that, I will do it once again. What other choice do I have? Gain more weight? Get even more out of shape? Let my health decline even further? I am at an age where this isn’t all about fitting into a favorite pair of jeans anymore. It’s much more about health and quality of life and setting the stage for rest of my life.

A friend of mine wrote yesterday about her self-care goals, and she takes it seriously enough that she is tracking it each day. It got me to thinking about how I treat myself, talk to myself, especially when I am not on track or doing well, by my own standards. I would like to set some self-care goals myself, but I need to think more about that, how to make it meaningful for me.

Just Start

Sometimes, you just know when it’s time for a change. That time is today.

I started this blog what feels like a million years ago, as a weight loss and fitness journal. I drifted away from that, and in the process, I lost my support crew of other bloggers making their way along this same road. I decided it was time to rejoin them.

I want to be honest and open here. So I will admit that a huge part of my hesitancy to blog about my weight loss efforts has been insecurity, fear of failure, and not feeling quite sure that I can really do this. I mean, I have been battling my weight for years. Decades. If I was capable of winning this war, wouldn’t I have done it already?

But today I decided to take that chance. Here I am, ladies and gentlemen, with about 55 more pounds to lose, so this isn’t going to be a short or easy journey. It is what it is. I got myself here, and I need to get myself to where I want to be, simple as that.

I am going to start with a small goal today: just work out. Any workout. Anything. I don’t care if it’s five minutes, or if it’s simply skipping back and forth across our living room, as long as I commit to a workout and actually complete it. I can build on that. But in order to progress, I have to take that crucial first step, and that is the focus today: just start. Believe. Take a chance.

Anyone want to get this party started with me?

Stronger

Today, I am celebrating the day that I stood beside an amazing man and became his wife, and he became my husband.

I write about my husband a lot here, because he’s my best friend. So many people complain about their spouse, but I am the opposite: I enjoy spending time with my husband. We don’t get nearly enough time together.

Part of feeling that way is that we took so long to find each other. Both of us had been married and divorced already, so both of us knew what it feels like to tie that knot with the dreadfully wrong person. We both learned first-hand what it’s like when your marriage was a mistake instead of a blessing, and we knew with certainty what we did not want, ever again.

We stumbled across each other one day and were drawn to each other, despite all the chaos and negativity around us at the time. Other people tried like hell to keep us apart. They failed. Through all the lies, attacks, and rages, we held onto each other, supported each other, and went to battle for each other.

This past weekend, we escaped for a long weekend to one of our favorite beach spots as an early anniversary gift to each other. Sitting beside him in the sand, listening to the waves, is one of my most cherished ways to pass an afternoon.

We slept with the drapes pulled back so we could watch the sunrise from the bed, relaxed in each other’s arms. Typically we get up early, walk on the beach, pick up shells, and watch the sunrise from the water’s edge, but this time, we just wanted to stay right where we were. And it was perfect.

We have been together about 18 years now. Who knew, that first time I saw the tall, loud man who can make everyone laugh, how much my life was about to change?

We haven’t always had it easy. We haven’t been allowed to. But in sweet irony, every attempt to drive us apart only forged us closer together. We have leaned on each other, supported each other, and backed each other up, and through it all, we knew that what we found with each other is well worth fighting for.

Today, we celebrate our decision to make it official, to become husband and wife, to face all of our tomorrows as a team. There is no one else I want to watch sunrises with, for the rest of my days. Words cannot adequately describe how I feel about him, so I will let my actions show him every day instead.