STRESSED

Wow, I had no idea it’s been over a week since my last post!  Time is flying.  Work is crazy, and I just haven’t had time to put thoughts to keyboard.

I am aiming to lose 3 pounds this week to bring me down to my next 10-pound goal and down to 169. I weighed in at 172.6 on Saturday, and I’d love to reach my next mini-goal this week.  I know it’s asking a lot to drop 3 pounds in one week, so I’ve stepped up my workouts and am religiously logging everything.

This week started off with my car sitting in the shop, and today my fiance’s truck, which we’ve already dropped a ton of cash into, was towed to the mechanic.  The mechanic couldn’t find anything wrong with my car, and it completely quit doing what it was doing this weekend (sounded sluggish when I started it).  So that was good…sort of…because now I still don’t know why it was doing that.  And the truck rose to the challenge and is more than making up for it by having plenty wrong.


*sigh* 

I had a stomachache and a headache just thinking about it.  Instantly, my stressed-out brain started churning out excuses for why pigging out would be totally justified.  Who can worry about weight loss when we have bigger things to worry about?  Come on, it won’t hurt, and I deserve it, all this stress to deal with.  Leave that healthy lunch sitting in the fridge and go grab some fast-food drive-through for lunch to feel better.

To make matters worse, someone brought in a box of cookies, sitting temptingly in the work kitchen, cooing to me.  I even went so far as to have my hand on the lid, lying to myself that it would be just one.

But I walked away.  I knew damn well it wouldn’t be just one.  It would be one after the other, after the other.  I’ve worked too hard to lose the weight I’ve lost so far.  It would be comforting to fall into bad habits, but I’m not going to do it.

Forward Is Forward

Last week was a challenge, with Memorial Day (and a day off) on Monday, then my stepson’s graduation on Friday.  Any change in my routine makes it harder for me to stick to a workout plan, but I got up early Friday and worked out in the morning, since I knew we’d be home late after graduation.

It paid off: I weighed in Saturday to a loss of 2.6 pounds.  I’ve now lost just over 40 pounds total. That leaves me with about 30-40 pounds to go to my goal, depending where I decide my goal weight will be.  It still feels like a million miles away, but it sure beats being almost 80 pounds away!

I saw this today on a Facebook fitness page, and I had to steal it.  I’ve been struggling with feeling like this whole weight loss journey is taking forever, I will never get there, and I needed to see this today:

It seems really odd to me that no one, and I mean no one, has mentioned my weight loss.  Well, Gary and the kids are very encouraging and compliment me, but beyond that, no one has said a word.  I think I know why.  I have lost weight and gained it all back more than once.  I imagine everyone assumes I will gain back anything I lose this time, so it’s not worth talking about.  I will prove them wrong, though.  I am going to reach my goal, and I am going to stay there this time.  I am determined to lose this weight once and for all, and to stay at a healthy weight!

Mind Games

I really struggled yesterday.  All I wanted to do was eat, pig out, binge.  After getting excited about losing 38 pounds and realizing I am halfway to my goal, my jerk brain picked it up, twisted it, and cruelly gave me this to ponder instead: I am ONLY halfway there.  Suddenly I felt like my goal is a million miles away again, and I felt so discouraged.

I hate the little mind games that make this so hard.  I will get excited and feel proud of myself for fitting into clothes two sizes smaller than when I started, or being able to feel the difference in my body, then I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and feel disgusted.  I’ve been working so hard to still have chubby cheeks and look like that?

Well, of course I still look overweight, because I am.  I still have about 40 pounds to go.  I hate that I let this get in my way and bring me down.  I’ve worked 38 pounds off of this body!  I want to focus on that, be proud of that, not tear myself down for the 40 pounds I still need to lose.

I hung in there and stayed under my calories yesterday, and I did a strength training workout and told myself that each workout shapes and strengthens my body to look awesome when I reach my goal.  I am not there yet, and it shows.  Nothing wrong with that.  I am still working toward that goal.  I still have 40 pounds to lose, and that shows too…and that’s okay too.  Because I am working on it, making the changes I need to make.

Today my shoulders are sore from yesterday’s workout, and after work, my Insanity workout is waiting for me.  I’m trying hard to focus on what I have accomplished, not on how far I still have to go.

Magnificent Transformation

My goal for May had been to get down to 179 pounds, and at Saturday’s weigh-in, I weighed in at 179 on the nose.  I’d like to lose 10 pounds by the end of June and be down to 169.

I started to think this weekend about how far from my goal I still am, how I feel like I’ll never get there, then I realized, if I can get down to 165 by the wedding (end of July), I will only have about 25 pounds to go to my goal after the wedding.  My goal weight is tentatively 140.  I’m playing it by ear, seeing how I look and feel instead of setting an arbitrary number.

My LoseIt app estimates I will reach my goal weight by mid-October.  That is only 3 months after the wedding and 5 months from now.  Realizing that got me excited and motivated again.  I’m not a million miles from my goal anymore.  I’ve lost 38 pounds and have about 40 more to go.  I’m halfway there!

I saw this quote and loved it so much, I added it to my Motivation page:

That is exactly what I want: the next few months to be a period of magnificent transformation for me. I will reach my goal weight, I will be stronger, I will be fitter,  I will be able to finally, finally say “I did it!”

More Insanity, and Eye Liner!

As promised, last night I did the 55-minute Insanity workout called Max Interval Plyo.  It was a piece of cake, a walk in the park, and I barely broke a sweat…just kidding!  I seriously need to remember to grab a towel before I start these workouts.  I end up snorting sweat up my nose, which I’m sure you’re glad to know all about, but hey, this is an honest review!

There are a lot of push-ups in this workout.  I’m not sure if I’ve ever mentioned I hate push-ups.  And mountain climbers.  There are a lot of those too, as well as other exercises that require my head to be upside down, a huge pet peeve of mine.  I just don’t like it.  But I know the moves are in this workout for a reason, so I do my best to just do them, though I have to admit I take more breaks during the moves I don’t like, like this one:

This move is called the “What the Hell are We Doing, and Why Would We Even Think About Attempting This?” move.  Okay, that’s what I call it.  I believe Shaun T calls it something else, like side to side hops or something less inventive like that.  I hate my shirt wadding up around my ears like that.  Refer back to “I hate moves that require my head to be upside down”.

I adore Shaun T, so I grit my teeth and do my best, until I just have to yank my shirt back down or catch my break or swear at Shaun T, constructive things like that.  As much as I hate some of the moves, there is absolutely no denying that these workouts are intense, working my body like crazy, and making me stronger, even though during the workout, sometimes I feel like this:

I hadn’t intended for my workout review to turn into a make-up review, but I noticed that when I went to wash my face after the Insanity workout, all my make-up had of course sweated off, except my eyeliner.  Granted, it wasn’t as prominent or neat and tidy as it was pre-workout, but it was still there, and still looked pretty good, which was impressive, given all the sweating and face-wiping.

So here is a shout-out to L.A. Girl Glide Gel Liner, which I picked up for something like $3.99 at Ulta.

Today’s workout is done already, since I got up at oh-my-god o’clock to hit the gym.  I’m leaving work early today to head to my older stepdaughter’s awards ceremony at her school, and since the kids’ schools are an hour drive each way, we won’t be home until late, so I had to fit in my workout this morning.  My stepdaughter has straight A’s, and has carried that most of the school year.  She is intelligent and works hard.  She texted her daddy last night to tell him she is excited to see us there, so I wouldn’t miss this for the world.

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