I’m Still Alive!

It’s been nearly 3 weeks since my last post (that sounds like the beginning of a confession…sorry, I was raised Catholic!)  I’d like to say I’ve just been so busy, dazzling myself with success, dropping pounds like melting butter, but that would be an outrageous lie.

Okay, it’s not as bad as it could be, either.  I’ve kept up some semblance of a workout routine, so even though I’ve gained each week since the wedding, it’s been less than 10 pounds total.  Of course, if I keep going this way, it’s going to be over 10 pounds…then 20…then 30…all the way back to my starting weight.

No one has commented on my weight gain, so I don’t know if that’s because they haven’t noticed yet, or because they have manners.  Who is going to march up and say “Lordy, porky!  Packing pounds back on?”  But I’m not going to give anyone a reason to notice, or a chance for others (they know who they are) to gloat about me gaining weight back.

I’ve gotten flaky with my workouts, and that stops right now.  No excuses!  I am going to work out after work tonight.  Probably weights, and add on some light cardio or abs.

I’m back to logging my food.  LoseIt had their premium accounts on sale for 50% off, so last week I upgraded to premium.  If anyone else is on LoseIt, send me a message (mystalkerisfat2015@gmail.com) so we can find each other and buddy up!  (That’s not the email address I used for LoseIt, so you won’t be able to find me with that address.)

There’s no way for me to reach my goal weight in September, or even by Halloween.  I’ve screwed around too long for that.  I will weigh in this Saturday and get my new starting weight, then reset my goals from there.  But I already know I don’t want to be still trying to lose weight during the holiday season, so my new goal is to reach my goal weight before Thanksgiving.

Funk

I am big-time in a funk.  (I hate that word, but it was the first one that came into my frazzled brain).  I feel down and drained, and I am just floundering around, not making any progress.  More than likely, I will have another gain this week.

My car is finally running good (knock on wood), but it took a big bite out of my wallet.  I’m overwhelmed at work and desperately need to clone myself to get everything done.  But to be honest, I don’t even know for certain why I feel so down.  Yes, there has been a lot of stress lately, but it’s not anything I normally wouldn’t bounce right back from and just keep plugging away.

I need to change some things up.  I don’t like Insanity Max 30 anywhere near as much as I liked Insanity, so I tore down that workout calendar and am just scrapping that idea.  I am not going to force myself to do workouts I don’t like, because that is a guarantee that I will soon find a way to just not do them at all.

I hate that my original goal of reaching goal weight by the end of September has been obliterated.  There is just no way.  I have completely wasted two full weeks and am working on pissing away a third, with a likely gain again, putting me even farther from my goal.  What the hell is wrong with me, anyway?

I am frustrated with myself and just wanted to check in, let you guys know I am still here, just not doing much good for myself right now.

Gain :(

Want to know a recipe for disaster?  Try two very stressful weeks, ongoing car issues, work hassles, and skipping weigh-in last week.  For me, at least, all of this mixed together resulted in a gain of 3.6 pounds at this morning’s weigh-in.  Grrrrrr!  I am so angry with myself.  It’s my first gain since I started over, and I am very disappointed in myself.

It could have been worse.  In fact, it could have been a lot worse!  The only reason the gain isn’t even higher is that I forced myself to keep up my workouts.

Well, it is what it is.  Not much I can do about my bad choices over the past two weeks except stop making bad decisions!

Over the past two weeks, my car has been back to the mechanic six times (yes, for the love of God, SIX times).  I am breaking up with this mechanic, because I strongly feel it should not have taken this long to diagnose the problem.  That whole situation didn’t help with my stress level, but yesterday I picked up my car, and so far, so good.  I gave my poor baby a good cleaning, polished up the interior with Armor All, and stopped on my way to work this morning to vacuum it and shake out the car mats.  (Can you tell I can’t stand when someone else has been in my car?)

Time to reorganize, regroup, get into the mindset for a fresh start.  I already set up a new weight chart for myself, counting down two pounds per week, which would put me at my goal weight around October 14.  I’m disappointed that I won’t reach my goal by the end of September like I’d hoped, but it’s my own fault.  And I need to do something about it NOW, before I push back my goal even farther.

Yesterday at work, a co-worker told me I am looking slimmer.  It meant a lot, even though I hadn’t weighed in yet and didn’t know the damage yet.  Of course I already knew I was going to have a gain! But at least, apparently, it’s not obvious to anyone else yet.  And it won’t be!

Back at it this week, Insanity Max 30 workouts, food diary, no excuses, and I will have a good loss at my next weigh in.

Insanity Max 30 Challenge

I was struggling so much last week, with such huge disruptions in my schedule and routine, and temptation everywhere, that I finally said “Enough.”  I decided to skip weigh-in on Saturday.  I still worked out each day, but it let me take some pressure off myself and get ready for a new week.

Today I am going to start the Insanity Max 30 workouts.  I printed the workout schedule and hung it up in our workout room.  I am going to modify the schedule, because I refuse to give up my strength training workouts, so I will be using Insanity Max 30 for my cardio workouts but keeping weight training in the rotation as well.

I am going to take my photos and measurements this evening for the Day 1 stats, and I have to do them again at Day 30 and Day 60.  Then I send everything in to get my t-shirt for completing the challenge!

I feel excited again and ready to put my all into this.  If I work really hard and don’t lose focus, I should be at (or very, very near) my goal weight and goal size by the time this 60 day challenge ends. It was nice taking a few days off, but now I’m ready to get back at it and kick these pounds to the curb.  Goal weight, I’m coming for you!

New Mini Goals

After struggling the last few days, I decided that obviously I need a clear goal to work toward, or else I cut myself so much slack that I lose my way.  Before the wedding, every time I wanted to skip a workout or eat like it’s a competitive sport, I was able to think about the wedding dress, the pictures, how I wanted to look and feel, and it would kick me back into gear.  Now that the wedding is over, my brain has decided it’s time for a smorgasbord, non-stop eating, cake for breakfast (hey, don’t judge), etc.

I refuse to gain back the weight I worked so hard to lose.  Last night I sat down with a notebook and started scribbling out some ideas.  I need a new goal, something new to focus on.  Well, the kids start school soon, but that is only about two weeks away, too short to set any kind of goal.  But their Open Houses will be the end of August.  And conveniently enough, my company is holding a large event at the end of September, and I will need to dress up for that.

So, behold!  My newest two mini-goals:

1. To lose 10 pounds (and be 147 or lower) by the kids’ school Open Houses at the end of August

2. To bust my butt and be at goal weight/goal size by the work event at the end of September

I don’t know what kind of damage I’ve done this week with two days of overeating, but I still have today, tomorrow, and Friday to salvage the week and hopefully have at least a 1-pound loss by Saturday’s weigh in.  I feel better having something to aim for again, something to focus on and work toward.

I have a size 8 skirt that I love and haven’t been able to wear in a long, long time.  I’d be thrilled to be able to wear that to the kids’ Open Houses.  I feel like I have been a size 10 forever.  Surely if I am able to lose 10 pounds by then, I will finally fit into the size 8 skirt!  That’s my hope, anyway.

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