Category: what matters most

Stop

Sometimes I specifically search for quotes that will motivate or inspire me, something I can save and tuck away for later, something that speaks to me, shakes me and bellows, “Hey, you!” It didn’t take long for me to come across this quote today, and as soon as I read it, I saved it and knew I had to share it.

Deciding to change is the easy part. Actually doing it is the hard work. Add in some stress, irritation, hurt feelings, or anger, and it becomes a seemingly impossible task. It’s so much easier to fall back on comfortable, old behavior patterns, even if they are straight-up dysfunctional or harmful.

Stopping, breathing, and thinking…how often are these steps skipped in the haste to react, respond, strike back? I’m guilty of it. Everyone is.

How much time and energy are wasted in this frivolous game? I have come to see every second diverted to drama and silliness as precious seconds robbed from what really matters in my life. It changes my perspective a lot. I ignore much more than I ever used to, because I simply refuse to shift my focus from my life, my priorities, my loved ones.

I’m no saint. Far from it. I’d still like to crack skulls together when people are acting stupidly. But I am learning to pause before reacting, think before speaking, determine if something actually warrants further attention from me. You might be surprised how infrequently it does.

Bring It

I want to post this quote everywhere: on my blog, on Facebook, on a t-shirt, on my damn forehead, just so no one misses it.

Losing my mom has taught me a lot, and one of the most important is that life is so shockingly short. Our time and energy are precious, and we have choices about what we spend them on. It’s mystifying to me how some people opt to blatantly waste time: on jealousy, pettiness, competitiveness, childishness, absolutely worthless drama and silliness.

I say: if you are hell bent on wasting life, go ahead. Knock yourself out. Gossip until your lips fall off. Whisper and lie and make up the most fabulous fabrications that your shallow head can muster. Stalk, compete, and hate to your jealous heart’s content. Whip up drama and storm about and indulge in infantile histrionics until you pass out from lack of oxygen.

Carry around your absurdity and melodrama everywhere you go. Wear it like a cloak. Caress it and adore it. It makes no difference to me. I am not interested in you or it. Bring it. I won’t take it. It’s your burden to fondle, and I am above it.

In the meantime…I willfully choose to be happy. I choose to take my husband’s hand, continue to build our life together, create even more memories with him. I choose love, happiness, growth, discovery, and hope. My priorities include only my loved ones, my family, my peace.

We have one shot at life. Why waste so much of it on meaningless drivel? It’s sad. I won’t do it. I love life. I love my husband, my stepkids, my family. I love myself. I won’t disrespect them or myself by frittering away the precious few moments we have together on abject silliness.

That is likely the biggest difference right there: because of love, I value, I cherish, I savor. Without love — and it’s not terribly surprising when some people end up bereft of it, given that they never dispense it on anyone but themselves– then what is left to treasure and honor beyond frivolity and foolishness?

Heartbeats

When a weekend starts out with impromptu slow-dancing to “Stuck on You” in the bathroom while brushing my hair, well, you know it’s going to be a good one. My husband heard the song playing from my phone (it’s one of my favorite songs), took my hand, laughing, and pulled me close for a dance. When the song was over, he said, “I need to download this.” I can’t believe he didn’t already have it on his phone! Who doesn’t love Lionel Richie?

We spent most of Saturday on a mini road trip, so we were content to stay at home and just relax on Sunday. We’ve been doing a lot of work inside the house lately, and my husband was setting up new bookcases in one room, carefully displaying items that he collects on the shelves. He was lost in what he was doing. When I walked by the door, I had to pause. He had pushed his glasses up on top of his head, which roughed up his hair and made it stand up like bedhead. He was talking softly to himself, like he was narrating the action or directing a scene (“No, that should go up here…move that a little over here…then that should be over there…”).

The ones we love are at their most loveable when they are not even trying, when they are just doing what they do, being their own unique selves. I love watching my husband when he’s drawing, when he’s fixing something, when he’s completely focused on what he’s doing, when he’s not even aware I am looking at him, and all of him shines through. When the kids were younger, I liked slowing down in the hallway as I walked by their rooms so I could hear them with their toys, the hilarious things that kids say when they are entirely free and unaware of an audience, just letting their minds wander wherever they choose to go.

I didn’t interrupt my husband as he worked. Later, he called to me to come look at the room and the shelves, now that he was finished. He was smiling and looked so proud of himself. He said, “I’ve wanted to do this for a long time.”

I like seeing him happy. I like seeing him smile, hearing him laugh. It’s little moments like that that stay in my heart and mean so much to me, because I know they are not little moments at all. It’s a moment I was invited into the most personal, special heartbeats of his mind, things that most others don’t ever see or feel, and I know how precious that is. So I hold onto that, treasure that, and don’t want to ever take it for granted.

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