swimsuits – Sweat & Sparkle

I’m in too good a mood to be at work today! So much going on, planning, dreaming…how am I supposed to focus on work?

In yesterday’s mail I got a women’s clothing catalog, one that I typically toss directly into recycling because nothing in it would ever fit me. But last night I curled up on the couch with it (after my workout, of course) and practically salivated over clothes I am definitely going to order once I reach goal weight. One dress in particular is something I would never have dreamed of wearing when I was overweight, and I can’t wait to be able to order it and try it on and see how it looks.

I have also been kicking around ideas for this summer. It’s actually a very busy time for me at work, but I want to take some time off and do something fun. For the first time in many years, I am going to buy a swimsuit for the summer, and it doesn’t do much good if I don’t have somewhere to wear it, now does it?

The most frustrating part for me right now is feeling incredibly impatient. I’ve been overweight for so long, and have failed so many times, that I was starting to lose faith that I would ever lose weight. The prospect of reaching goal weight had become a distant, fading dream. Now that it’s a sharp possibility, and getting so close, I just want to be there already! Now. This minute. Yesterday.

I figure my goal-weight jeans will fit just fine after I lose about 10 more pounds. When they fit again, I will evaluate how I look, how I feel, and if I want to lose more weight or stay right where I am. After losing more than 60 pounds to get where I am now, I feel like the next 10 are going to take absolutely forever!

I’ve also started to fall into the trap of thinking, well, I am not fat anymore, so I should be able to eat this, nibble that, treat myself to this. No! I am not at my goal yet. I will just make it take even longer if I start cutting corners and slacking off.

I am thrilled to have lost the weight that I have. But I am also itching to be at my goal weight and finally work on maintenance instead of losing. So I need to straighten up, keep my nose to the grindstone, and not ease up just yet. I absolutely, positively will reach my goal.

Now…let’s see…get back to work, or shop online for clothes? 🙂

I am floundering around. Struggling is not the word. Drowning and grasping desperately at anything to keep me from falling even further.

I weighed in on Saturday: 211 pounds. Officially my highest weight ever.

We decided to take a spontaneous trip to the beach with the kids this past weekend, so on top of seeing that horrible number on the scale, I had the joy of trying on swimsuits too. Yay! I don’t own one for obvious reasons. I still don’t own one. After struggling to even get the damn thing on, I thoroughly hated how I looked in it. I bought a tank top and shorts instead, and I wore that into the water. I still looked disgusting, but it was far more comfortable than tight, clingy Spandex and straps.

It’s time for less talk and more action. I keep saying I’m going to do this, I’m going to do that, then I keep doing exactly the same thing and keep gaining weight. I am going to write down my plan for finally getting started on losing this weight. Then I will post it here.