Category: sick

Starting Now

I can be my own worst enemy at times. After a knee injury and then two very unpleasant rounds of antibiotics sidelined me for about three weeks, I am just now working my way back to any semblance of my routine, and it’s a struggle.

You would think I could muster up some grace for myself, considering the injury and illness were not my fault, and certainly not much fun. Instead, I have allowed my frustration and disappointment to get the best of me. This has pushed my goal deadlines back by several weeks, and my excitement has turned to aggravation, worry that I won’t reach my goals at all, and then heaps and heaps of self-blame and anger.

Yeah, it’s as delightful as it sounds. I tell myself how irrational it is to be mad at myself for something I couldn’t possibly control, but my inner critic is relentless and harsh as hell. The problem is, it’s making it very difficult to get back onto my feet. How do I move forward, when I keep shoving myself back down into the dirt?

Last night, I decided to talk to my husband about it. He is the most honest and straightforward person I know. He doesn’t believe in sugarcoating the truth, and it’s one of the many, many things I love about him. I know that any words of wisdom from him come straight from his heart.

I was glad that I opened up to him. We talked for a good while, and he gave me a healthy dose of tough love mixed with encouragement and compassion, exactly what I needed. He said he didn’t know why I am so tough on myself, but that he wished he could change that, and that he wished he could replace that negative voice in my head with his, telling me how beautiful and strong I am, instead of tearing myself down.

So, starting right now, I am committing to this promise to him, and to myself: that I will stand back up, brush myself off, acknowledge that the setback has slowed me down and delayed the finish line for some of my goals, but that I am absolutely going to move forward again, take good care of myself, and get back to work.

Not tomorrow. Not next week. Now.

For me. For him. For us.

Ulta Package

One of my Valentine’s Day gifts was a gift card for Ulta. Have I mentioned that I love make-up, skin care products, face masks, nail polish, all of that girly stuff? The gift card didn’t last very long, and I happily sorted through my online wish list and placed my order.

I wasn’t expecting my Ulta package until Friday, but I got a notification this morning that it’s out for delivery today. Yay!

After being sick for the past week (sniffling, sneezing, coughing), I am looking forward to testing out new products and colors to feel a bit more alive and a bit less like a sleep-deprived, stuffy zombie. I happened to order when they had a gift with purchase, so bonus, I get to try out a few new items for free, too. If I really adore something, I will review it here and share the love. ♥

Limping and Fishing

If this is true, then I am excessively educated! For almost half a year now, I have been plagued by either illness or injury. It kicked off with bronchitis right around Halloween, a hacking cough that persisted through Thanksgiving, a fun bout of flu over Christmas that I shared with my poor husband, and then a series of endless, odd injuries that have kept me hobbling, limping, and wincing.

Most recently, a clumsy accident left my knee swollen and stiff, and walking has been nearly impossible. I have steady relationships with ice packs and pain relievers, and a compression knee brace is my newest fashion accessory.

This past weekend, though, I felt healed up enough to venture outside with my husband. Yesterday was a beautiful day, and we decided to head out to the lake. Although he loves fishing, I somehow have never tried it, so he set up my new fishing pole and gave me my first lesson.

I admit, I did not expect to like it very much. Toss some bait into the water, then just stand there baking in the sun, sweating, waiting to see if a fish comes along…I didn’t see the point. But after I got the hang of casting my line, I can see how it is actually relaxing: the whir of the fishing line at it feeds out, the soft splash of the bait, then watching the rhythmic motion of the water as you reel the line back in, all the while surrounded by gently waving water, reflecting the puffy clouds and gorgeous blue sky.

I glanced over at my husband as he cast his line, and I could plainly see how much he enjoys fishing. He patiently showed me everything he was doing, talked about bass and bait fish and different kinds of fishing, moving his line easily through the water like he was steering it, and I could tell he was in his element. He was happy.

The first time that I tossed out my line, and it actually sailed out freely, smoothly, like maybe I knew what I was doing, I excitedly turned to see if he had seen it. He was smiling over his shoulder, reeling in his own line but keeping an eye on me, too.

He joked about me having a talent for getting the fishing line in a tangle, but he showed me (more than once…okay, a lot) how to free the line and get back to business. I think he really enjoyed watching me learn a hobby he has loved for years. He kept tentatively asking if I was done and wanted to leave, and he seemed so happy when I would say no, I wasn’t ready to go yet. I wanted to cast again.

I’m not sure why it took us so long to go fishing together. I’m just very glad we did.

Not Dead Yet!

Maybe it’s just wishful thinking, but I just might have one foot climbing out of the coffin today, ha ha. I don’t feel as dizzy or woozy today, and my headache has finally departed. I still feel exhausted and far from the picture of health, and I am still ravenously hungry, but I can stand up without feeling like I am going to collapse, so that’s a start.

This evening I will try out a light workout and see how that goes. This setback is not going to turn itself into a comeback, so I need to start somewhere.

Tomorrow is September 1, and I am so excited! I love the fall, and even though it’s still hot as hell and muggy, September just sounds like fall is right around the corner. September is also the return of college football, which reminds me: I need to buy a new team shirt, because my old one is at least two sizes too big now!

Setback

For almost 3 weeks, I have been pretty sick. What started out as what seemed like a common cold, but then mutated into the damn plague, has refused to release its grip on me, and I am definitely bearing the scars of prolonged illness: weak, tired, black circles under my eyes, all the glamorous markings of just not feeling well for a long time.

Fatigue has been the worst part. I have spent weeks feeling like all the energy has been drained out of my body. Ironically, it has been paired with intense hunger, probably because my body is desperate for fuel to fight this off.

The end result, besides a dire need for a facial, a manicure, and a month of sleep? Well, workouts have been impossible, and I am constantly hungry, so when I finally braved the scale this past weekend, I was not exactly shocked to see a weight gain. Instead of being 7 pounds from my goal weight, I am now 15 pounds from my goal instead.

Not surprising, but still disappointing and frustrating. Of course I know the extra 8 pounds are not solid fat, but more than likely water weight from cold medicines, cough syrup, drinking more because I’m always thirsty, and devouring everything in sight. All of my clothes still fit properly, so that is at least reassuring.

Enough is enough, though. I’m not going to wait until I have gained back even more weight. I worked way too hard to lose this weight. I will NOT just stuff my face and gain it back.

I felt slightly less dead yesterday and got hopeful that I was on the upswing, but today I have a stubborn headache that won’t leave me alone, and I feel run down and woozy. So this icky plague isn’t quite done with me yet.

It’s not fun to come here to report a weight gain, but life happens. This is reality. Things get in the way, and obstacles spring up and trip us up and lay us out. It all comes down to how we respond. The ball is in my court: which way is this going to go? It’s up to me. I can let this derail me and feel sorry for myself and make it even worse, or I can sit and rest for a minute, catch my breath, make a plan, and get back on my feet and move forward again.

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