Category: school

Holding Them Back

After 17+ years of taking the hour-long trip to Hickville for all of the kids’ events, my husband and I are not exactly disappointed that the need for those trips is quickly dwindling. No matter how many times I have been there, I find myself just looking around, shaking my head in disbelief and disgust.

Hickville is a small town, but certainly not in the charming sense. I am from a small town, and I have never seen anything like Hickville. It’s more like an inbred cult than a town. Small minds, big mouths. They are proud of their ignorance and tackiness. The louder and trashier, the better.

No one who cares about the kids’ futures would ever have dragged them to that town. No one who loves the kids would have forced them to try to grow and learn and flourish in a place like that, where enlightenment is scorned, and morphing into another mindless clone is the norm.

The only reason the kids were compelled to grow up in such a stifling, asinine environment is so that Psycho could spare herself from ever facing a single adult responsibility. She greedily refuses to stray from her daddy’s perpetual handouts, letting him think for her, coddle her, pay her bills, even offer up the shack she currently freeloads in. Over 50 years old, and she has never, not once, stood on her own two feet. It’s hard to do that when she lives shamelessly on her knees and refuses to be anything but pathetic.

The youngest child graduates soon. The kids’ opportunity for a decent, basic education is gone. They were forced to attend one of the worst schools in the state, thanks to Psycho. I don’t think they realize yet how much this has wounded them, or how much she doesn’t care.

Even worse is the attitude that leaving that wasteland of a town is some kind of crime. It’s like the adults in that town know that if kids leave, they will realize what a shit hole that town really is, and how backward and uncultivated all the adults are. So they smash their wings, suppress their ambitions, stuff them into whatever cages they can dream up to trap them there.

We attended an event at my stepdaughter’s school the other night. Looking around, I understood Psycho’s refusal to leave. She fully belongs there–a cheap clown in a dysfunctional circus.

Let her stay there and rot, then. But locking the kids up and holding them down should not make anyone happy. Not anyone who truly cares about them.

I hope the kids open their eyes to the entire world just waiting outside of that absurd joke of a town. I hope they find the courage to explore, to learn, to discover opportunities and experiences available to them if they just step out of that damn cage. I hope they are curious, independent, willing to take chances, and strong enough to build their own lives, freedom, dreams, and happiness.

Busy Week

What a busy week!  I can’t believe it’s Friday already.   I also can’t believe the kids go back to school next week.  Wasn’t their last day of school just yesterday?

My husband and I went to the kids’ schools yesterday for orientation.  I expected it to be chaotic, disorganized, and absurd, and that trash school lived right up (or down) to my expectations.  That school district isn’t qualified to teach rocks.

My husband tried to make the best of it, joking around with the kids, reviewing their class schedules, issuing pep talks about a good school year.  But it was obvious to both of us that nothing has changed, nothing has gotten any better.

That is by no means a criticism of the kids.  They are the only people in that entire inbred town who have more than two brain cells to rub together.  Seeing the kids is always a good thing.  I just wish it was in better circumstances for them.  I wish I could leave feeling like they are in good hands, with everything they need for bright futures.  Instead, I walk away feeling like I am leaving them in a pit of decay, surrounded by ignorance, and the only ones concerned by that, as usual, are me and their father.

I try to keep faith that since the kids are intelligent, they will rise above the circumstances being forced onto them.  They deserve better.  I wish everyone felt that way.

I got several compliments throughout the day yesterday, which was a nice surprise.  One lady told me I have nice nails, and a young man said my top was a good color on me.  My husband helped me pick out that top, so I let him know he does good work!

I also tried a new workout last night, so I will post a review of that soon.  Happy Friday!

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Comeback and the A

dbbe5cc39915438c71624b7f243ca3fbSeeing the gain on the scale Saturday morning really pissed me off.  It sparked a fire under me and lit me up.  I have not come this far to fall down now!

Consider me back…100%, firing-on-all-cylinders, full-speed-ahead back!

Last night I did an Insanity Max 30 workout, and I was dripping with sweat by the time I finished.  It’s the kind of workout where my stepson likes to inform me that I stink, ha ha.  Hell yeah, the sweet smell of hard work and fat cells dying 🙂

I am back to logging my food too.  No more assuming I am staying under calories.  I want to see it in black and white and stay accountable for what I am eating and drinking.

No more screwing around, no more half-assing, and certainly no more gains.  I won’t tolerate it.  I am moving forward at top speed and not stopping until I have reached my goal.

More good news, not weight loss related, but important to me: my younger stepdaughter has been struggling in one of her classes, and she has gotten Fs on her last few quizzes.  This past weekend, we spent quite a bit of time preparing for her test this week.  I explained the lessons, and we reviewed until she seemed comfortable with the material and could answer questions about it easily.  Well, she took her test yesterday, and she got an A!  I practically jumped up and down when I saw her grade.  I knew she could do a lot better than she was.

As happy as I was, I also felt sad.  There was nothing magical about my teaching, as much as I’d like to pat myself on the back and pretend I missed my calling as a teacher.  It was simply someone taking the time to sit down with her and help her understand the class work.  I have no problem at all working with the kids on school work, and I know my husband doesn’t either.  He has sat at the table, helping with projects and assignments, as much as he can.

That is the problem.  As much as we can is maybe a few days a month, tops.  We are not with the kids every night, following up on school work, helping with homework, explaining what isn’t being understood.  Unfortunately, neither is anyone else when they are not with us.

Helping my stepdaughter with her school work was not a chore, or drudgery, or punishment.  I enjoyed helping her learn and understand, and seeing her 100% on that test made me so proud of her and happy.  She worked hard, and she earned every bit of that A.

It makes me sad that other people in the kids’ lives don’t feel the same way.  What else could the kids accomplish, dream for, and reach for, if they were encouraged and pushed all the time, not just when they are home with us?

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Back to School!

I weighed in a day early last week, since my boyfriend and I were going to be an hour away in Hickville, the redneck town where Psycho dragged the kids after their divorce, most of the day on Friday for the kids’ school orientations.  I knew we would be going out to eat for lunch, and I wanted to enjoy it instead of stressing over my weigh-in.

I had a small gain of 0.4 pound, up to 199.  Practically back into the 200’s after just getting out of them!  I am NOT getting back into the 200’s.  It was a small gain, but a gain nonetheless, which means I am doing something wrong that needs to be adjusted.  Fast.

The top I wore to the kids’ schools fit looser in the sleeves, so I still felt pretty good.  And I had to keep yanking my jeans up.  My youngest stepdaughter said maybe it’s because I’m getting smaller, which made my day 🙂   I know they can’t tell yet that I’ve lost weight, but the kids see me working out each day they are with us, so they know I am trying.

I loved seeing the kids on Friday, but it’s disheartening to go to the town they live in now and visit the schools and see how short-changed they are.  I am from a small town, so I am not putting down all small towns.  But Hickville is the most close-minded, uneducated, disorganized, backward place I’ve ever seen, and I know the kids are not getting the education they deserve there.  Class schedules weren’t even ready, and no one seemed to know what was going on.

It meant being in close proximity to Psycho most of the day, watching her waddle through the hallways, forcing people to talk to her so that we would think she is more popular than she is (it didn’t work).  I could feel her staring at me, doing her usual size-up, seeing if I am heavier than her, trying to figure out if I have lost any weight.  If I haven’t, she doesn’t have to either, seems to be her mindset. But if I have, then she needs to go on some dramatic, competitive pursuit of being thinner than me.  Yeah, we’ve been through this a time or two.

She showed her ass at the high school, which was upsetting for the kids, but she doesn’t care about that.  She chose to have a temper tantrum when I asked to see my oldest stepson’s class schedule, so I could make sure it was the same as the schedule online, since there was so much confusion about schedules that day.  For some reason that infuriated her, and she shoved the schedule at me, huffed, and stomped, tight-lipped, away from me.  The kids looked at her like she was crazy (she is), and when my boyfriend came back from the restroom, he said the kids looked upset and asked me what happened.

What kind of person gets so angry and out of sorts about me wanting to double-check a child’s class schedule?  It’s a shame she chose to behave like that in front of the kids.  It’s a shame she does a lot of things.  I’m sure the kids heard all kinds of comments about me the rest of the day.

Today is the kids’ first day of school, so we will call them later to check in and see how it went.  I love the back-to-school feeling, a new start, a fresh school year, clean slate, exciting.  Perfect day for planning my strategy to make sure I get back to steady weight losses each week and back on plan!

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