Category: role model

Gift

The kids are not little anymore, but they are still watching. Still learning. My husband and I would be happy and proud if the kids each eventually settle down into a relationship a lot like ours. We are best friends, lovers, partners, and companions. We genuinely want to make each other happy and just be happy, together. Something that sounds so simple is so unbelievably difficult to find! So if or when they do discover that, I also wish for them the wisdom to recognize it, to eternally cherish it, and to hold onto it for all they are worth, because a once-in-a-lifetime love is just that.

Thankful

The timing of my position change at work is actually pretty awesome. I like that it happened right before Thanksgiving.

I make no secret of the fact that I love Halloween, and I get into decorating for the 4th of July too. Thanksgiving is a much quieter, more mellow holiday. It’s not loud and flamboyant like many other holidays, and that is fitting, because I think it’s a time to do more reflecting and feeling than partying.

It’s still very much a celebration, though. One of the biggest mistakes I see so many people around me making is always wanting more, wanting what someone else has, vying for things instead of experiences and people and living. Joy is drained because they are so focused on image, possessions, imagined status.

I am thankful for my new position, because it means my co-workers respect how hard I work and did not want me to leave. After working so long at a company where I was largely taken for granted, it is still amazing to me to be openly appreciated and valued at work.

I am thankful for my husband and our relationship, especially as I cringingly watch others so close to the kids stumbling through toxic relationships and not seeming to realize (or care) that love and friendship cannot possibly grow in a bed of lies and selfishness. These people will never know what it feels like to be peacefully happy and truly loved, since they refuse to love anyone but themselves. I wish the kids did not have to witness this circus (or be embarrassed by it), but I hope they learn from my husband and me that relationships don’t have to be — and shouldn’t be — a charade or a chore or a joke. I wish for all of them to never settle, never latch onto the nearest person like a leech simply because they can’t tolerate their own company.

I am grateful for the roof over our heads and the home we have built together. Even when we lived in a cramped, rented apartment, we always tried to make it feel like a home. Years later, it is still a wonder to me to pull into the driveway and proudly think “This is OURS.” That will never get old to me.

I am grateful for so much. I am even grateful for the difficult people in my life.

Sometimes the only possible purpose a person can offer to anyone is to serve as an example of what to never be, and the lesson has not been lost on me. I am motivated to be a better person since I have seen, up close and personal, what being miserable, vindictive, jealous, and shockingly self-centered does to a person, inside and out…and what it does to those around them. I don’t want any part of that.

Today is my first day in my new position, and fittingly, we are having a Thanksgiving event outside this afternoon. I am looking forward to it.

I am excited about Thanksgiving, excited my new role at work, already excited to go home and tell my husband about my first day, already planning the weekend in my head.

Happy Thanksgiving! I hope it is a peaceful, happy, loving day and season.

Building a Life Together

We couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful weekend. The weather was perfect, cool, breezy, making it impossible to stay indoors. My husband and I were outside as much as humanly possible, knowing that muggy, humid days are quickly approaching. We wanted to take advantage of every second of this weekend.

We crossed a few items off our ever-growing, never-ending yard work list, and my husband and I rewarded ourselves by relaxing on our back deck. As we sat there, enjoying a light breeze, it occurred to me that we were sitting on a bench that my husband refinished for me, on a deck that we sanded and painted together, in a yard we just finished working in together. And I can’t think of anything that makes me happier.

That satisfaction, especially with a true partner, is something I really hope the kids get to experience one day as they get older. It is not something that has been encouraged, unfortunately, except by us.

The girls in particular have been taught that women just take and do not contribute. Their primary “role model” in their other home is an oversized toddler who doesn’t actually own anything or pay for anything herself: her cell phone, her car insurance, even the trailer she lives in are all paid for by her parents. She has taught the kids that females live with their hands out, like parasites, fastidiously avoiding anything that remotely resembles hard work or independence, lest they burst into flames or suffer a fate even worse: actually sweating a little.

It’s a shame. I still pull into our driveway, years after we bought this house, and smile because every square inch is ours. Our personal touch is on everything, inside and out. We rarely hire anyone to do anything around the house or yard, preferring to do any work ourselves so it’s done exactly the way we want it. And I love it.

Sitting on the deck the other evening, gently rocking with my husband, looking out over the flowers and trees and bird feeder in the back yard, I felt peaceful and happy. He reached for my hand, and we didn’t even have to say anything, just enjoyed being together.

A few times recently, I have started to plan a trip for us, a getaway, and it has always ended up abandoned, because we prefer to be right here. This is what we have worked toward: a home of our own that is our sanctuary, our nest, our refuge. Leaving it to go somewhere else feels counterproductive.

My wish for the kids is that someday, they find someone who is their best friend, their partner, someone they enjoy standing side-by-side with, building a life together. And I wish for them to feel the same pride, satisfaction, and contentment of knowing they created it and shaped it and made it happen all on their own.

Spinning and New Business Cards

I haven’t been to a Spinning class since New Year’s Eve.  So going to another class, nine months later, seemed like a great idea when I signed up, all full of good intentions and positive vibes…but as class time approached yesterday evening, I started to have serious doubts.  All of a sudden, my good idea felt more like “What was I thinking?”

I didn’t back out, though.  I went to class, adjusted my bike, and bravely hopped on.  Forty-five minutes later, dripping with sweat, gasping for breath, I was grateful that class was over!  My legs were sore already, even after stretching, and I’m still feeling it today.  So what did I do?  Went ahead and signed up for a class next week!

When I got home, my husband was in the kitchen, washing dishes.  (Is there anything sexier than a man who cleans?)  He must not have heard me come in, because when he saw me, he got a big smile on his face and said “Hey!” like he was surprised.  It was sweet.  I love the little things.

I had a surprise for him (after I griped about my sore legs).  Quite some time ago, I got a promotion at work to a director position, but since I still had plenty of business cards with my old title, I was just using those until I emptied the box.  My co-workers must have decided that I had waited long enough: one of them came into my office and presented me with a box of brand new, shiny, fancy business cards with “Director” instead of my old title.  I immediately snagged one to take home to my husband.

It means a lot to me to finally see that title under my name.  I worked hard for it.  I also like knowing that the kids have at least one positive and strong female role model in their lives.  Their only other example is someone with the work ethic of a corpse (and the moral compass of Hitler and the personality of a cockroach, but I digress).  I want the kids to know that women can be in charge, can make important decisions, and not just wait for hand-outs like a leech.  I want all four of them, not just the girls, to know that they can be anything they want to be, not just what others box them into and try to shackle them into being, because they are better than that.

New Mini Goal

Keeping with my “out with the old, in with the new” mentality for the new year, I did some clean-up on my blog today, deleting old links, adding a few new ones.  One of the new ones inspired me to get back to posting my weigh-in on my blog.  Spinning My Wheels (I love that title and the double meaning) listed her January goals and set up her month’s weigh-ins on the sidebar of her blog, and I like the accountability, the transparency, having all of that front and center.

I have updated my weigh-in page and will post my weigh-in each week from now until I reach my goal weight!  Actually, I’m not even completely sure what my goal weight is.  Back when I still weighed over 200 pounds, I settled on 139 mostly because I really wanted to weigh in the 130’s again, like I did in high school.  But instead of fixating on a number on the scale, I have since shifted my focus to consider myself at goal weight whenever all of the smaller, size 8 and 6 clothes in my closet fit again.  So we’ll see where that ends up being.

It’s still been a struggle to get my eating back under control this week.  My mind (and my stomach, apparently) are still in vacation/holiday mode, but it’s time to dial it back, turn down the crazy, and get back to working hard.

Breaking down my weight loss goals into mini goals has helped a lot, so I am setting a new one for myself.  The kids won’t be back with us until next weekend, so I am setting a goal of hitting the 150’s by next weekend.  I weighed in at 164.2 last Saturday, and I suspect some of that is still water weight from overeating.  It’s going to take some effort to get this done, but it should still be achievable, a little over 2 pounds each week.

And I like the idea of setting some personal goals based on the kids, because they are a huge reason I want to reach my goal and get healthy and fit.  They have no positive female role model in their other home.  I hate that for so long, I have been unhealthy and out of shape too.  Last time the kids were home, they mentioned more than once how much thinner I am.  I want them to see just what a strong, fit woman can do when she puts her mind to it!

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