I had already selected my dress, shoes, jewelry, everything for my older stepdaughter’s high school graduation coming up. When I tried everything on recently, I had to hurry up and buy the same dress in a smaller size, because what I had bought just a month ago is now too big. That is the kind of problem and hassle that I like to have!
I am a bit embarrassed just how far I let myself fall the last two days. I didn’t expect my friend’s daughter’s funeral to hit me as hard as it did. But no matter what, using her death as an excuse to binge-eat and sink into self-abuse is lame as hell.
I ate so much crap yesterday that I felt sick to the stomach. I made myself work out anyway. I did some strength training, then added on a gentle Leslie Sansone indoor walking workout. Tonight I will ramp it up and head out for a run.
In the past, falling on my face and overeating would lead to me moping and whining about how much I suck, I hate myself, how gross I am, etc. It takes me so long to get back on track after falling off the wagon because I end up drowning in self-hate and disgust. I get stuck like quicksand. I can’t move forward because I’m so busy sinking myself.
Well, not this time. So I spent two days overeating and making bad choices and indulging in depression. Life goes on. I will eat better today, take a Tums, work out this evening, and get back at it.
It’s no secret that I absolutely love Shaun T (the creator of the Insanity workouts that I like so much). The other day he posted something on Facebook that confirmed why I adore him so much. He wrote, “You have to love the person you are right now, because they’re the one that’s doing the work right now!”
It’s true. I can’t hate who I am right now, because who I am right now is the one who needs to get back on track, needs to care enough about myself to do the work and climb out of the hole and get moving again. It made me realize exactly what I have done wrong in the past. Progress can’t be started from a place of negativity, hate, and derision.
I don’t know if I will still manage a loss at weigh-in on Saturday. I don’t know if I will have a gain. Probably. I just know I need to snap out of it and get back on track. I’ve still got some ground to cover to reach my goal. I am not there yet! And I definitely won’t give up now, no matter what.
Sweat & Sparkle 