All I used to care about when I was dieting or working out was how I looked. I dreamed about the clothes I wanted to be able to wear, hoped all those crunches were going to give me flatter abs, and impatiently waited for the scale to register a lower number.
I still care what I look like, no doubt. But now, at 51 I worry about things I never paid any attention to when I was in my 20s or 30s: my blood pressure reading, cholesterol, heart health, joints.
I just had bloodwork drawn for a doctor’s appointment, and given my weight gain and general neglect of my health, I was surprised how good all of my results were. This old body is tougher than I give it credit for, I guess. But luck will run out eventually if I don’t make some changes.
My motivation now is much more than looking good. I want to be healthy, strong, and fit, too. I want to be around to enjoy as many days and as many experiences as possible with my husband. I want to see all of my stepkids’ milestones, their weddings, their babies, their achievements. I want to be able to keep gardening and taking care of our yard. I want to be able to pick up my grandkids and play with them without passing out or needing resuscitation.
And, ultimately, the “why” that makes my heart ache: I have promised myself so many times, over and over, to take better care of myself, and then I don’t. I let myself down more times than I can count. I don’t want to do that anymore. I deserve better from myself. I will take care of every stray cat, feed the birds and raccoons and possums in our yard, drop everything to help my husband or one of the kids if they need me, but I can’t spare the same love, time, and energy for myself? Come on now. I can do a lot better than this!
Well, today is day #3 of doing a lot better, and I am slowly but surely making changes to be healthier and happier. When my husband and I went grocery shopping last night, I reacquainted myself with the produce section, figuring out healthy things to snack on that I will actually eat. I have searched online to bookmark workout videos to try (and then, believe it or not, have actually done some of them)!
Considering I didn’t get my act together until half the week was already over, I don’t know what to expect at weigh-in tomorrow. Maybe nothing at all. Maybe at least a small loss. Hopefully not a damn gain! We’ll see tomorrow morning. Either way, this is just the beginning, and I am proud of myself for finally taking this step and committing to it.
Sweat & Sparkle 