The other night, I was flipping through a magazine and came across an article about body image. I skimmed it, don’t even remember who wrote it, but I do remember thinking how sad it is that our society disvalues women and girls so much that we need to even have a never-ending discussion about body image.
Luckily, I have a healthy dose of “I-don’t-care-what-you-think-of-me”, and although I am aware of our culture’s wish for me to look and act a certain way, I don’t pay much attention to it. But a lot of women and girls do, and it can be devastating.
It got me to thinking about my stepdaughters. I don’t want them to ever spend even one second doubting themselves or feeling anything but proud of who they are. I have a message for them, and for every woman and girl who might need this:
One: Companies make a lot of money from making you feel ugly. Think about it. How would the diet industry, cosmetics companies, hair product industry, expensive salons, skin care companies, or plastic surgeons stay in business if you were content with exactly how you are right now? There’s a huge, billion-dollar industry banking on your insecurity, and a steady cash flow is funneled into making sure you feel fat, ugly, old, flawed, unattractive, not good enough. Remember that when you see advertising, marketing, all the images thrown your way. It’s deliberate: they want you to feel “not good enough” so you buy their products to be “better”. You are being manipulated! Once you know their game, you are free not to play it.
Two: If you choose to wear make-up, please view it as fun, a way to enhance yourself, not a method of covering up, concealing, hiding, changing, etc. There’s nothing wrong with wearing make-up, or choosing not to use it. It’s up to you. But if you do use it, don’t fall into the trap of feeling like it’s a tool to cover up or change who you are or what you look like. Cosmetics companies would love for you to feel like every pore on your face is a flaw, your nose needs to be contoured into oblivion, or if your lashes don’t practically wrap around your head, there’s something wrong with you that can only be fixed with their products…see where I’m going here? Refer back to #1! If you use make-up, use it to celebrate you, highlight what you love, and flaunt what makes you uniquely you. It’s a spotlight, not a tarp.
Three: There is WAY more to you than just your looks. Our society would like women to only care what they look like, as if the rest of us doesn’t matter. The packaging is everything; the person is irrelevant. How can you not be angered by that? Don’t buy that crap. You are smart, funny, full of ideas, brimming with talents. Don’t ever lose sight of what you can DO, what you are capable of, what you THINK. How you look is just a tiny piece of what makes you, you. Don’t insult yourself by forgetting the rest, and don’t indulge our Neanderthal society by allowing it to reduce you to one dimension. You’re more than that. Embrace all of it.
I certainly hope I contribute something positive to my stepdaughters’ growth, self-esteem, and how they think about themselves. I have tried my best to never frame my weight loss journey as something negative. I don’t call myself or my body names, don’t whine about being fat, don’t act like there is anything shameful or wrong about where I am now or where I started.
I would be lying if I said looking good is not a reason that I am working so hard to lose weight, but it’s not the only reason. Being overweight and out of shape is not healthy, and it’s not the best version of me that I can be. My goal is to be strong, fit, healthy, and bad-ass! I don’t see a point to striving to look like this model, or that actress, or anyone else. If she looks good and is happy, then wonderful. I want to look like me, just stronger, fitter.
Women and girls are not valued as they should be in our society: as human beings, as people, as intelligent and capable individuals. It needs to change. The worst part is, women and girls disrespect themselves so much each day, wanting to look like someone else, picking apart their appearances, wanting the stamp of approval from a society full of people who munch on Tide pods, for crying out loud. Just stop! Take a look around you, ladies. The world is full of idiots. Don’t take direction, commands, judgment, or mandates from a society this clueless and out of whack.
Back to my stepdaughters, and to anyone else who needs to hear this: I would say, you are not the ones who need to change. You are most certainly not the ones who are not good enough. We live in a society that truly does not deserve you, exactly the way you are. Don’t ever doubt that, and don’t ever doubt yourselves. Celebrate who you are. Embrace everything about you that makes you, you. Hold your head up high, be yourself. Show the world just who it is reckoning with, and take this world by storm.
Sweat & Sparkle 