Looking back over 2019, as it draws to a close, doesn’t exactly leave me with a warm, fuzzy feeling.
This past year has been a tough one: a lot of change, a lot of stress. The year went by quickly, but only because I was constantly dealing with one issue or another, juggling as fast as I could, with barely enough time to breathe, let alone reflect or think or properly process what was going on.
I am ending the year heavier than I started it. Quite a bit heavier, actually. Of course, I’m not happy about that. But as I stand at the end of the year, looking back, I see it was not a complete failure after all.
I had a small loss last week, which was the week of Christmas. Even with days off and holiday treats both at work and home, I managed to eke out a loss instead of a gain. I even worked out on Christmas day.
I had two choices of how to handle constantly getting smashed over the head with a sledgehammer this past year. I could have fallen, stayed down, and given up. Or I could have decided to hell with this, I am not going to just lay here and give up all control over my life. I chose the latter.
Granted, it took me until the end of the year to do it, but I did it. I decided to grab the steering wheel and take back control over the things that are in my hands. So I can’t work out every day because of my schedule. Does that mean I should give up and just not work out at all? It would be easy to fall into that trap, but I decided to just do what I can. Some days all I have time for is a 15-minute walk during my lunch. Days I have enough free time to really work out, I knew I had to make it count, work up a good sweat. It’s not ideal, but it’s the best I can do right now, and I have learned that’s okay.
I will never be accused of being too bubbly or chipper, but shifting my mindset this way, to taking care of me, to doing what I can, has helped immensely. Instead of feeling frustrated and not good enough and staggering under the dark cloud of “why bother”, I feel like I am doing the best I can, and I am proud of that. It would have been easy to give up altogether, and instead I switched gears and just found a different way that works for now.
So, 2019 won’t go down in the books as my happiest, easiest, or most fun year ever. But it is a year that I learned a lot and finally cut myself some slack to be human, eased up my perfectionism, and patted myself on the back for hanging in there. It is the year I finally stopped beating myself up, and I gave my inner self a hug and said, “Hey you, we’re in this together, buddy.”
Now…let’s go kick some serious butt together in 2020!
Sweat & Sparkle 