Category: intimacy

Yesterday was a non-stop whirlwind. I didn’t have time to slow down and even breathe. Work was hectic, then I came home to open this, read that, fill that out, file those, clean that, get various animals fed and taken care of, check and re-check my to-do list to make sure I wasn’t missing anything.

When it was finally all done, I stepped into a hot, soothing shower, hoping to relax and unwind. Ahhhhh…quiet, solitude, peace.

It was the first time all day I wasn’t insanely busy. So what did I do? Well…I started to cry. Now that I had slowed down, now that I could think, I missed my mom so much. I wanted to call her. I wanted to tell her about my day. I couldn’t. And that fact was ripping through my heart until I could barely breathe.

I thought I was being stealthy, crying quietly, but my husband has ears like radar. The shower curtain rustled softly, and then he was there, silently slipping into the shower behind me, sliding his arms around me and squeezing me tight against him. We didn’t say anything. We didn’t need to.

We stood in the hot water and steam, my tears mingling with the water streaming down my face, my emotions mixing too: feeling anguished but loved. Left behind but not alone. Heartbroken but unbelievably thankful.

By the time we stepped out of the shower, I was able to smile again, and we even laughed at the shock of cold air as we reached for our towels. The rest of the evening was spent snuggling under a blanket, his arms still around me, and I am starting to feel like I am no longer hopelessly shattered, but slowly gluing pieces of myself back together.

There’s an intimacy to baring your soul like that, to stripping down and hiding nothing, that goes far beyond physical. I am grateful that I am able to be so vulnerable with him, that he is always there for me, and that he wraps me up until I feel safe again. I am grateful for every twist and turn in my life that led me to him. I am grateful that we found each other, appreciate each other, and will never let go.