Category: frustrated

Setback

Sometimes life is not exactly cooperative. When I hurt my knee recently, I thought, okay, well, this sucks, but it will heal up. I will take it slower, limp around, and do what I need to do to take care of it.

Just as my knee finally loosened up, and I could walk semi-normally again, I ended up rushing from work to Urgent Care because I didn’t feel good at all. I left with a prescription for antibiotics, which upset my stomach so bad. I just want to curl in a ball and whimper, but alas, I’m at work instead, waiting for quitting time.

I’m excited for some things we have planned next week, so my focus this weekend will be resting and healing so I can be as close to 100% as possible and able to enjoy myself next week. I’m frustrated but also know that a bad attitude will multiply any problems and make things worse.

I’ve made a lot of positive changes and don’t want to slide back into any bad habits. Ultimately, though, that is completely up to me and in my control. I can let these setbacks toss me onto my butt and leave me there, or I can take a breather, remind myself of my goals, and get myself back to healthy so I can come back kicking.

Watch Me

Last week, I decided enough was enough. It was time to stop wallowing around, dragging myself down, gaining more weight, being unhappy but making no effort to change anything. I worked out at least 30 minutes every day, even when I didn’t feel like it (which, admittedly, was pretty much every day!)

I stepped onto the scale Saturday morning, excited to see how much I had lost with my newfound commitment to exercise…and instead saw that I had gained 1.5 pounds.

I felt betrayed. Seriously, body? This is how you repay me for taking better care of you? I felt like it had been a huge waste of time to work out at all. I was irritated and disappointed and more than a little discouraged.

*deep breath*

Okay. That didn’t go the way I wanted it to. But the scale doesn’t change the fact that I made a decision to improve my health and my happiness, and I stuck to it. I worked out, even on days when it was the last thing on Earth I wanted to do.

This week, I am going to continue the workouts. I am also going to get back to logging my food and drink on LoseIt and pay more attention to what I am putting into my body. Instead of letting this drag me back into that ditch, I am even more determined to see a loss next Saturday. Just watch me!

Where I Am

Something I hear a lot from counselors I know is “Meet people where they are.” I found myself thinking about that a lot today and realizing that I have to meet myself where I am. Not where I want to be. Not where I wish I was.

And where I am is: tired. Frustrated. Worn out. A bit embarrassed by my lack of progress, to be honest. But nowhere near ready to quit. Just taking a moment to breathe, regroup, and get the wind back in my sails.

Today I took a few steps to help me along that path. More on that later. Just wanted to say hello, wave, and promise that I am not gone or finished. Just learning how to do this a better way!

My NMFA Phase

I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I was going to have a gain at weigh-in on Saturday morning.  I skipped weigh-in for two weeks, ate pretty much whatever I felt like, and guzzled soda like it runs through my veins.

So I was hardly shocked when I saw 163.2 on the scale, after reaching 157 just a few weeks ago.  After swearing I would never see the 160s again, here I am.  *sigh*

Well, not for long.  Seeing that gain, seeing the 160s again after fighting so hard to get out of them, pissed me off.  A lot.  I can do better than this!  This is shameful.  I have done nothing but screw around since my gain in December.  Lose, gain it back, lose again, gain again.

I would be so close to my goal weight right now that I could smell it, if I had stayed consistent.  Instead, I am right back where I was at the beginning of January as far as weight goes.

I am hereby officially in my No More F*cking Around (NMFA) phase!  (Maybe I will get that printed on a workout t-shirt.)  Pardon my language, but I am angry with myself for selling myself short like this.  I have waited so long to reach goal weight again.  I have been working way too hard to screw around and move away from my goal now.  It’s time to cut the crap and get to work like I mean it.

I have a birthday coming up in ten weeks.  How many times have I vowed to be at my goal weight by my birthday?  Too many to count.  And here I am, doing it again.  I am not going to disappoint myself again.  I can do so much better than half-assed.  And I will.

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Panic

11699689Oh joy, plantar fasciitis is such a delightful ball of fun!  I just love it.  I hope it never freaking goes away.

Yes, this damn injury is starting to make me grumpy, if you didn’t notice.    Seriously!  I finally get to a point that I enjoy my workouts, love to run, and BAM, my own foot betrays me, and now I can’t run at all.  Or do much of anything, for that matter.

I dived into research and articles about plantar fasciitis, and the more I read, the more horrified I became.  I read how it can take months to go away, how you might need to rest for weeks on end, and people saying once they had it, it never truly went away.

All I took from it was: “OH MY GOD!  I can’t work out anymore!  EVER!  I will never run again!  I will stop burning calories completely and will most certainly gain weight and will end up 600 pounds on that TV show, and my husband will have to bring me food, and I won’t be able to leave the house because I will be so big, and I will be depressed and miserable and did I mention FAT?”

*clutching heart, panting, sobbing, collapsing miserably to the floor*

Maybe I overreacted just a little, but it is a stressful situation.  I worked hard to build the endurance to run 15 miles, and every day trying to treat this stupid injury is just another day I am slowly but surely losing strength and endurance.  It pisses me off.

After my panicked melt-down, I made myself calm down just a fuzz, and I researched workouts that I can do with plantar fasciitis.  Most of them are not practical, like swimming, because I hate water (and the smell of chlorine) and don’t have access to an indoor pool anyway.  But I can still strength train, and cycling was on the list.  I will have to meander back to my Spinning classes.  Supposedly the elliptical is an option too.

I will also need to be very careful with my calories.  Less intense workouts means, obviously, I am not burning nearly as many calories.

Losing 2 or more pounds a week is just not going to happen for a while.  I hate that, but not being able to work out like I want to means my weight loss will slow down.  I am hoping it doesn’t come to a screeching halt.  If I am mindful of my eating, and keep up with the workouts that I can do, I hope that one pound per week is realistic.

What I absolutely cannot do is use this as an excuse to give up, to throw in the towel, and just quit trying.  It’s a setback, sure.  But it’s a slow-down, not a stop.  If I stay tough and devoted and focused, I can avoid gaining weight back and will keep moving forward, just much more slowly.

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