Category: fall

Don’t Die with Your Dead

“Don’t Die with Your Dead” post, Andrew McLaren

The first time I saw this image and the text with Andrew McLaren’s Facebook post, I nearly cried. When my mother died last fall, it gutted me. I was drowning in grief, guilt, regret, even for things I had absolutely no control over. Losing her detonated an avalanche of emotion that buried me, suffocated me.

My husband must have felt like a full-time therapist during the worst of it. I cried at movies, news stories, commercials, or just the wind blowing. I leaned on him, collapsed against him, shattered into pieces with him, that he gently held together until I could do it myself.

Yesterday, the afternoon was just too beautiful to stay inside. I took a walk at work, and I looked up and thought how gorgeous the sky looked, brilliant blue, with fake-looking, fluffy clouds splashed here and there. It was the kind of day my mom loved, the early fall days with cool breezes and warm sun, as summer slowly slips away and autumn makes its presence known.

It never seemed fair to me that my mom died at the beginning of fall and didn’t get to enjoy one last day of her favorite season. It felt cruel. The thought made me drop my eyes to the sidewalk, thinking, missing her.

Then I realized I was making a huge mistake. No, my mom can’t be here to see this sky, or enjoy this day. But I can. Why waste it? Why not enjoy it for me, for her? Why not live even harder, love more ferociously, not only in her honor, but for my own true happiness as well?

The post mentioned above ends with, “Don’t die with your dead. Honor them by living your life as they would have wanted you to. Let them transcend. And you keep living.”

It’s one thing to read those words. It’s something else to reflect on them, really hold onto them and let them sink in. And it’s finally something altogether different to truly act on them, absorb them, live them.

I feel like yesterday, I finally embraced those words and made a conscious decision to live better, happier, more grateful, with intent and peace and meaning. It’s not just for me; my husband deserves this too, to spend his days with a healthier and stronger me. He held my head above water when I desperately needed him, and now that my feet are back under me, I want to do more than merely exist. I want to live. To fly. To love until we are breathless, to laugh as much as possible, to try new things and discover adventure of all sizes, to appreciate all the little moments that make life magnificent, and to never, ever miss a beautiful sky.

Almost (Really) Fall

Hey, what’s that I see in this weekend’s forecast? We might finally — at long, long last — have the first day that hints at real fall weather! Sunday is supposed to be a high of 75. After months and months of sweaty, sticky, gross days in the 90s and even over 100, I absolutely can’t wait.

Around here, we have little need for sweaters or sweatshirts, and only a very brief window of opportunity each year to wear them without sweating profusely or passing out from a massive heat stroke. But since I wait all year for this (and not terribly patiently, either), I couldn’t help but indulge in some fall shopping recently. One of the packages should be waiting for me when I get home from work today, so I am excited to head home and try those on and plan on hopefully wearing some sweaters next week!

The cooler weather also makes me want to be outside as much as possible, so I am in full event-planning mode as well. If pumpkins and leaves and holiday festivities are included, so much the better! This is the time of year that my husband gets used to me asking, “Hey, do you want to check out (fill in the blank with a random event or activity I read about that he likely is not interested in)”, but he’s a good sport and will almost always nod and say “Let’s go.”

Sometimes we discover something fun that we want to do again the next year. Sometimes, we simply find something to just never, ever try again! But either way, we get to spend time together, try a new adventure with each other…and wear those new sweaters I just bought!

It’s Fall, Damnit!

I feel like I just pulled out the boxes of fall decor for September 1st, and now I have already boxed all of that back up and started tugging out the many, many boxes of Halloween decorations!

Every year, I tell myself I have more than enough fall and Halloween decorations. And every year, I buy more, anyway.

The inside of the house is decked out with ghosts, spiders, skulls, and jack-o-lanterns, but the show everyone is waiting for hasn’t started yet. My husband takes over for the outdoor display, and I turn the reins over to him. He’s been kicking around and mulling ideas for months now, and he has collected yet a few more items for the yard.

We have actually had neighbors come by in years past and ask when he is going to decorate, and cars have stopped so people can get a closer look once he has everything set up. He gets excited to show me something new, or when he changes something and wants someone to see it right away. It makes me smile to watch him get so into it.

I can’t believe it’s October already. Around here, the transition to fall just means the temps aren’t quite reaching 100 anymore, hovering around 85. I can’t wait for the first cool, breezy days. I can’t help wanting to shop for sweaters and sweatshirts, even if it’s still hot outside! It’s fall, damnit. Time for the weather to catch up.

Not Dead Yet!

Maybe it’s just wishful thinking, but I just might have one foot climbing out of the coffin today, ha ha. I don’t feel as dizzy or woozy today, and my headache has finally departed. I still feel exhausted and far from the picture of health, and I am still ravenously hungry, but I can stand up without feeling like I am going to collapse, so that’s a start.

This evening I will try out a light workout and see how that goes. This setback is not going to turn itself into a comeback, so I need to start somewhere.

Tomorrow is September 1, and I am so excited! I love the fall, and even though it’s still hot as hell and muggy, September just sounds like fall is right around the corner. September is also the return of college football, which reminds me: I need to buy a new team shirt, because my old one is at least two sizes too big now!

Fall

Okay, enough summer already. I’m over the heat, the humidity, the sweat, the bugs. I’m aching for fall!

A few stores have slowly started slipping in fall and Halloween items, and I have already bought a few new decorations for the house. You can never have too many Halloween or autumn decorations, right?

As much as I love fall, though, I refuse to start decorating for fall until at least September 1st. It will still be roasting hot here, but I don’t care. It’s going to be colorful leaves and pumpkins all over the place.

Fall has always been my favorite season. None of the others even come close. I love the promise of a new start with a fresh, new school year; leaves changing and dropping and transforming; a coolness sneaking into the air, signaling a shift in season. I love chilly evenings, snuggling under a blanket, finally pulling sweaters and sweatshirts down from the shelf in our closet.

It’s pushing 90 degrees outside today with no hint whatsoever of fall on its way. That’s okay. I know it will be here eventually. In the meantime, I will keep bingeing on fall quotes and pictures, and buying more fall decorations!

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