This would be laughable if it wasn’t so damn insanely, pathetically, colossally sad. And scary.
In addition to seeing these stellar grades today, I also spotted an interesting mugshot or two in today’s newspaper.
I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried. I wish I was. Once again, I could make a million comments…but I don’t really need to, do I?
It’s not often that I’m wrong. Just ask my husband. Well, on second thought, don’t ask him. What does he know? (Ahem). Just take my word for it, okay?
It’s even more rare that I’m glad I’m wrong, but this is one of those times. Remember how I felt like I hadn’t lost anything last week, and even felt like I may have gained? Must have all been in my head. I was nervous about weigh-in on Saturday, but the scale had mercy on me after a long week and told me I had lost 1.6 pounds.
I’ll take it!
I’ve now lost 21.4 pounds since my highest weight ever, and 13.2 pounds since starting over. No one has noticed yet, but I can feel my clothes getting looser. Just a little. Just enough to encourage me to keep going, because I’m making real progress and don’t want to stop.
I still have a long way to go to my goal weight, but if I’ve come this far, what would stop me from going the rest of the way? Pretty much the only thing that can possibly get in my way is myself, and I’m tired of holding myself back.
I don’t want to get overconfident, though. I hate the quote “Failure is not an option”, because it’s always an option, whether you want it to be or not. I just don’t want it to the most probable option anymore. I want to keep in mind that it’s always possible for me to stumble and fall back into bad habits and slip backwards, and I need to prevent that from happening. I can’t pretend failure is not an option, or I will set myself up to fall.
I’m learning how important planning is to weight loss success. This upcoming week will be busy too, events in the evening, meaning I can’t work out after work. I sat down with my planner earlier today, looked over my schedule, and wrote in my workouts. At least two of them need to be morning workouts this upcoming week (groan, moan, hiss). It is what it is. If I want to keep moving forward, I will get up extra early for those workouts.
Every action, every decision, either moves me toward or away from my goal. So I need to choose accordingly. It’s as simple (and as hard) as that!
I can sum up September in one word: FAIL. I can declare, with all honesty, that I did absolutely nothing right this entire month.
I have now gained 20 pounds since the wedding in July. I could try to blame it on any number of things, from being busy at work, stressing over Hurricane Irma, power being out, clean-up that took two weekends, a huge work event last week, and joy of all joys, coming home from that trip with a nice souvenir: a stuffy nose and a cough.
But let’s get real, those are all just excuses. And I am beyond disgusted with myself. My self-esteem has taken a beating, that’s for sure. I feel self-conscious, because I know everyone who was praising me for my weight loss is now wondering how in the hell I gained so much back, so fast.
The kids have stopped mentioning my weight loss altogether, which upsets me the most. I was happy with how excited and proud they were at how much weight I had lost. I loved when they told me how good I look. Well, what are they supposed to say after I pack 20 pounds back on?
There is no way in hell now that I will reach my goal weight by the end of this year. So once again, I will end the year still overweight. Once again, I will set a new year’s resolution to reach goal weight in the new year. Once again, I have set goals, then failed to reach them.
I want to work on a workout plan today. I want to set up a general workout guide, something like “Monday: cardio; Tuesday: weight training”, etc., maybe a weekly or monthly calendar so I can hang it up and cross off the days as I finish each workout.
I don’t know. I feel a bit lost. I’m so disgusted with myself right now, it’s hard to get started again. I am angry and disappointed and wondering just what in the holy hell is wrong with me.
Sweat & Sparkle 