Happy Monday! A new week is stretched out before us. I have a lot of plans and goals this week, so there’s no time like the present to get the party started.
“Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.” —Dalai Lama
Oh, did I say I was going to start over on Monday? I’m sure I said that with the best of intentions and certainty. Yeah. Well, long story short, it didn’t happen. Apparently I needed a few more days of wallowing in misery and self-disgust before I had enough.
I had enough last night. Do I really want yet another gain this Saturday? Do I really want to wait until I break 200 pounds again and have to buy clothes in the sizes I just cleaned out, before I snap out of it and make a change?
I set the alarm last night and told my husband he had my permission to shove me out of bed in the morning if I didn’t get up. I suspect he secretly hoped he would get the chance to do just that, but when the alarm went off in the peaceful, sleepy darkness, I got right up, changed clothes, and headed to the gym.
I wanted a strong start to my new-start day. So far, so good. I have a meal plan for the day and have already logged breakfast in my food diary.
Temptation keeps whispering in my ear, but I am not giving in. I need to take control again, be strong again. I deserve this.
I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I was going to have a gain at weigh-in on Saturday morning. I skipped weigh-in for two weeks, ate pretty much whatever I felt like, and guzzled soda like it runs through my veins.
So I was hardly shocked when I saw 163.2 on the scale, after reaching 157 just a few weeks ago. After swearing I would never see the 160s again, here I am. *sigh*
Well, not for long. Seeing that gain, seeing the 160s again after fighting so hard to get out of them, pissed me off. A lot. I can do better than this! This is shameful. I have done nothing but screw around since my gain in December. Lose, gain it back, lose again, gain again.
I would be so close to my goal weight right now that I could smell it, if I had stayed consistent. Instead, I am right back where I was at the beginning of January as far as weight goes.
I am hereby officially in my No More F*cking Around (NMFA) phase! (Maybe I will get that printed on a workout t-shirt.) Pardon my language, but I am angry with myself for selling myself short like this. I have waited so long to reach goal weight again. I have been working way too hard to screw around and move away from my goal now. It’s time to cut the crap and get to work like I mean it.
I have a birthday coming up in ten weeks. How many times have I vowed to be at my goal weight by my birthday? Too many to count. And here I am, doing it again. I am not going to disappoint myself again. I can do so much better than half-assed. And I will.
Well, I suppose it had to happen sooner or later. After weeks and weeks of consistent, steady losses, I had a gain this past Saturday. A pretty big one, too: I gained nearly 6 pounds over the past two weeks.
Sure, I was traveling for part of those two weeks, and we have had plenty of parties, luncheons, get-togethers, Christmas cookies, and other random temptations. We also had a death in the family and various stressors that I could have done without. It’s not an excuse, by any means, but I let it all pile up and get the best of me. I gave up. I ate whatever, and my workouts dwindled to the bare minimum.
I had expected a gain, but not that much. I was horrified as I stood on the scale Saturday morning. Wow, when I let go, I let go like I mean it!
In the past, this gain would have led lead to another one. Six pounds would turn into ten. Then fifteen. Then twenty. Then, eventually, I would be back at my starting weight, miserable, frustrated, feeling like a failure.
Not this time, ladies and gentlemen. I am taking control back right now. Christmas or no Christmas, I am determined to re-lose as much of that six pounds as I possibly can this upcoming week. I am going to roar back into action with a vengeance. (*Cue applause, cheers, shouts of “You go, girl!”, and vigorous fist-pumping.*)
Funny thing was, I got two compliments on my weight loss yesterday. I didn’t mention my weigh-in or gain to anybody, since I was upset about it, so I know the comments were not elicited by my disappointment about my gain.
I got dressed after weigh-in and was happy that a sweater I haven’t worn in years fit nicely, so I put that on. As soon as my husband saw me, he said, “That sweater really shows off how much weight you’ve lost. You look skinny.” One of the kids said, “That’s because she is skinny!”
Later that evening, we went to one of our favorite restaurants for dinner, and a waitress we haven’t seen in a while came out to say hello to us. She looked at me and said, “You look like you’ve lost weight! You look great.”
I really needed those compliments yesterday. It helped me realize that even with a gain, I still look much, much better than I did a few months ago. I still have a nice weight drop under my belt. And I am not going to gain back even one more ounce! I worked too hard for this.
Now, if you will excuse me…I have a sweaty, intense, heart-pounding workout to do!
Sweat & Sparkle 