Inspiring

One of my goals this week is to go running at least twice, so after work yesterday, I dug out my running shoes and headed to the gym. I used to love running, but getting back to running and being a runner are two very different, distinct things. I am still very much in the “Oh dear Lord, this hurts, and how much longer is this going to last, for the love of God?” phase of getting back into running. It’s unpleasant, but it’s my own fault I have to go through this again, and there’s no way through it but to do it.

I wanted to quit after the first mile or so, but I just kept playing with the speed, running a little faster for a bit, then easing back to catch my breath. By doing that, I was able to cover 4 miles.

When I slowed to a walk to cool down, a woman on a treadmill nearby said something loudly. Since I was the only one close to her, I assumed she was talking to me, so I took out my earbuds and said, “What?”

She said, “That was so inspirational!”

I was lacking oxygen, mind you, and I was tired and worn out, so I had to ask, “What was?”

She smiled and said, “You were! Very inspiring.”

At first, I cringed. When people say someone is inspiring, it typically means they didn’t believe that person was capable of doing whatever they just did. So basically, she was saying, “Who would have guessed your fat butt could stay in motion that long and not die instantly of cardiac arrest?”

But there are plenty of worse things to be called than inspiring, right? And if watching me huff and puff and try not to die on the treadmill motivated that woman in any way, then I feel honored to be the one to inspire her. I smiled too and said, “Thank you.”

When I got home and told my husband about it, including how at first I felt a bit insulted, he said, “Don’t look for anything negative in it. She probably said it because you were out there working hard to make changes instead of just sitting on the couch.” I’m sure it was obvious I was struggling, too, but I kept going. Who knows? She may have hung in there just a little longer herself, waiting for me to cool down, so she could tell me that. It’s cool to think she had an extra-long workout because of me.

When I look at it that way, I can see how silly I was to not automatically appreciate the compliment the way it was intended. I guess I just found it hard to believe I was able to inspire anyone when I have so far to go to my goals. I’m happy she found inspiration in my struggle and in my refusal to just give up. It makes me want to keep going!

Busy Week

What a busy week!  I can’t believe it’s Friday already.   I also can’t believe the kids go back to school next week.  Wasn’t their last day of school just yesterday?

My husband and I went to the kids’ schools yesterday for orientation.  I expected it to be chaotic, disorganized, and absurd, and that trash school lived right up (or down) to my expectations.  That school district isn’t qualified to teach rocks.

My husband tried to make the best of it, joking around with the kids, reviewing their class schedules, issuing pep talks about a good school year.  But it was obvious to both of us that nothing has changed, nothing has gotten any better.

That is by no means a criticism of the kids.  They are the only people in that entire inbred town who have more than two brain cells to rub together.  Seeing the kids is always a good thing.  I just wish it was in better circumstances for them.  I wish I could leave feeling like they are in good hands, with everything they need for bright futures.  Instead, I walk away feeling like I am leaving them in a pit of decay, surrounded by ignorance, and the only ones concerned by that, as usual, are me and their father.

I try to keep faith that since the kids are intelligent, they will rise above the circumstances being forced onto them.  They deserve better.  I wish everyone felt that way.

I got several compliments throughout the day yesterday, which was a nice surprise.  One lady told me I have nice nails, and a young man said my top was a good color on me.  My husband helped me pick out that top, so I let him know he does good work!

I also tried a new workout last night, so I will post a review of that soon.  Happy Friday!

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Organizing

A co-worker recently told me, “You are getting so skinny!”  Well, I wouldn’t exactly call myself skinny, but I know what she means.  It’s pretty obvious now that I have lost a good bit of weight.  In fact, I am thinking that 20 more pounds to reach the weight goal I had set for myself may be too much.  I will evaluate how I look and feel after 10 pounds instead.

Over the weekend, I tried on my goal-weight jeans again.  I can button and zip them, but they are uncomfortably snug and definitely don’t officially fit again just yet, despite my husband’s insistence that they fit perfectly, ha ha.  Nope, not into the skin-tight pants look!

At first I was very disappointed at weigh-in Saturday morning.  I only dropped eight-tenths of a pound.  All that hard work for that?  Are you freakin’ serious?

Then I remembered that I lost over 4 pounds last week.  It seems to be the pattern, a big loss followed by a very small one, like my body’s attempt to even things out.  And when I griped about it, my husband was quick to point out, “It was a loss!”  He added, “You have lost a lot of weight.  It’s going to get slower now.”

I decided not to wait until I have hit goal weight to start cleaning out and organizing.  I will hold off on the closet, but I decided to choose one small area at a time and organize the hell out of it.  I started this weekend with my husband’s and my bathroom.  I emptied everything: we’re talking drawers, under the sink, medicine cabinet.  I cleaned every surface with disinfecting wipes, then went one by one, putting things back or tossing them.

Now we have a sparkling, orderly, very organized bathroom.   I will hit the laundry room and storage shelves next.  By the time I reach goal weight and start my dresser and closet, I will be an old pro!

Shrinking

This morning, a co-worker said to me, “You’re shrinking!”  It was the first time someone at work has commented on my weight loss this time around.  I assume it’s because I have lost weight before, then gained it back, so no one wanted to say anything, sort of like, “Here she goes again.  Wonder how long it will last this time.”  Either way, it felt good to start the day with a compliment about my weight loss.

The day after my long run, I gave my body a break and skipped a workout.  Instead, I did a face mask, then got into comfy clothes, wrapped up in a blanket, and cuddled up on the couch with my husband.  I look forward to that all day!  Call me boring, call me tame, call me old, I don’t care: my favorite part of the day is finally getting to snuggle up next to him and relax.  I don’t even care what we’re doing.  I am not a big TV watcher, so much of the time, I read while he and my stepson have the TV on, or we all talk and make smartass jokes.  I am just happy to be at home, cozied up with him.

Last night, my break was over.  I did a plyo Insanity workout, then added on a weighted abs workout.  My stepson teased me about being stinky.  Well, that’s what happens when you get crazy sweaty!

Speaking of Insanity workouts, something funny happened.  When I finished my first round of Insanity workouts last year, I sent in my before-and-after stats and pictures to get my t-shirt.  It is one of my most beloved and cherished articles of clothing, because I most definitely earned it!

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When I gained weight back, I decided I wouldn’t let myself wear this shirt again until I got back down to the 150s, the weight I was when I got the shirt in the first place.  When I finally hit the 150s again, I was so excited to yank this shirt out of my dresser…only to discover it is too big!

I don’t remember it being too big when I first got it.  All I can think is, since I have been weight training more, I am smaller even at the same weight I was before, if that makes sense.  All the more reason for me to use clothing size instead of weight to determine when I have reached my goal.

Gain

Well, I suppose it had to happen sooner or later.  After weeks and weeks of consistent, steady losses, I had a gain this past Saturday.  A pretty big one, too: I gained nearly 6 pounds over the past two weeks.

Sure, I was traveling for part of those two weeks, and we have had plenty of parties, luncheons, get-togethers, Christmas cookies, and other random temptations.  We also had a death in the family and various stressors that I could have done without.  It’s not an excuse, by any means, but I let it all pile up and get the best of me.  I gave up.  I ate whatever, and my workouts dwindled to the bare minimum.

I had expected a gain, but not that much. I was horrified as I stood on the scale Saturday morning.  Wow, when I let go, I let go like I mean it!

In the past, this gain would have led lead to another one.  Six pounds would turn into ten.  Then fifteen.  Then twenty.  Then, eventually, I would be back at my starting weight, miserable, frustrated, feeling like a failure.

Not this time, ladies and gentlemen.  I am taking control back right now.  Christmas or no Christmas, I am determined to re-lose as much of that six pounds as I possibly can this upcoming week.  I am going to roar back into action with a vengeance.  (*Cue applause, cheers, shouts of “You go, girl!”, and vigorous fist-pumping.*)

Funny thing was, I got two compliments on my weight loss yesterday.  I didn’t mention my weigh-in or gain to anybody, since I was upset about it, so I know the comments were not elicited by my disappointment about my gain.

I got dressed after weigh-in and was happy that a sweater I haven’t worn in years fit nicely, so I put that on.  As soon as my husband saw me, he said, “That sweater really shows off how much weight you’ve lost.  You look skinny.”  One of the kids said, “That’s because she is skinny!”

Later that evening, we went to one of our favorite restaurants for dinner, and a waitress we haven’t seen in a while came out to say hello to us.  She looked at me and said, “You look like you’ve lost weight! You look great.”

I really needed those compliments yesterday.  It helped me realize that even with a gain, I still look much, much better than I did a few months ago.  I still have a nice weight drop under my belt.  And I am not going to gain back even one more ounce!  I worked too hard for this.

Now, if you will excuse me…I have a sweaty, intense, heart-pounding workout to do!

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