Month: November 2021

My Letter

Scrolling through Facebook over the weekend, I came across a post written by a stepmother to the children’s biological mother. It struck a nerve, because like my situation, the biological mother did not offer an abundance of anything positive or healthy to the mix, yet this stepmom still found reasons to be grateful.

I can’t find it to repost it, but that’s okay. I wrote my own:

Dear Children’s Biological Mother,

This Thanksgiving season, I thank you. I learned from my husband how to be a firm but loving parent, and I learned from you that lying, manipulating, and brainwashing children are hateful acts with dire, long-term consequences for the kids. I learned to swallow my angry words, to honor the kids’ feelings, and not make them feel like you do.

I also thank you for pushing me to be a stronger, more independent, and ambitious woman, even more so than I already was. I had to counteract your weak example, as you refuse to wean yourself from your father’s pitying handouts. You have not once provided a home — supported by you and not by your parents — for the children. I wanted desperately for the kids to see a woman working hard, succeeding, supporting myself, and building a warm, stable home alongside their father.

I thank you for not appreciating or cherishing the sincere love of a man who once, for whatever reasons, loved you and would have done almost anything for you. After 15 years with this man, I know he does not love shallowly, but with his entire heart, with absolute devotion, passion, and fervor. I would not have the gift of him in my life if you had not failed him as a wife and as a human being.

I thank you for never learning from your mistakes, for never seeking to improve yourself, for stagnantly rotting away in the same pathetic place you were over a decade ago. It taught me to constantly seek growth, admit mistakes, learn, become a better person. You have been an unwavering example of what can happen if I don’t.

Your endless jealousy, spitefulness, and negativity have only pushed my husband and I further into each other’s arms. Your inability to maintain even trivial relationships has made us appreciate and value what we have even more. The more you rage, bitch, rant, and harangue, the more he and I turn to each other for peace, stability, friendship, and love.

I am thankful for many things. I am thankful for the day my husband and I found each other. I am thankful we were strong enough to take the risk to love again. I am thankful for all the twists, turns, ups, and downs that brought us to where we are today, and in an odd, roundabout way, that includes even you.

With all sincerity,

Me

Thankful

The timing of my position change at work is actually pretty awesome. I like that it happened right before Thanksgiving.

I make no secret of the fact that I love Halloween, and I get into decorating for the 4th of July too. Thanksgiving is a much quieter, more mellow holiday. It’s not loud and flamboyant like many other holidays, and that is fitting, because I think it’s a time to do more reflecting and feeling than partying.

It’s still very much a celebration, though. One of the biggest mistakes I see so many people around me making is always wanting more, wanting what someone else has, vying for things instead of experiences and people and living. Joy is drained because they are so focused on image, possessions, imagined status.

I am thankful for my new position, because it means my co-workers respect how hard I work and did not want me to leave. After working so long at a company where I was largely taken for granted, it is still amazing to me to be openly appreciated and valued at work.

I am thankful for my husband and our relationship, especially as I cringingly watch others so close to the kids stumbling through toxic relationships and not seeming to realize (or care) that love and friendship cannot possibly grow in a bed of lies and selfishness. These people will never know what it feels like to be peacefully happy and truly loved, since they refuse to love anyone but themselves. I wish the kids did not have to witness this circus (or be embarrassed by it), but I hope they learn from my husband and me that relationships don’t have to be — and shouldn’t be — a charade or a chore or a joke. I wish for all of them to never settle, never latch onto the nearest person like a leech simply because they can’t tolerate their own company.

I am grateful for the roof over our heads and the home we have built together. Even when we lived in a cramped, rented apartment, we always tried to make it feel like a home. Years later, it is still a wonder to me to pull into the driveway and proudly think “This is OURS.” That will never get old to me.

I am grateful for so much. I am even grateful for the difficult people in my life.

Sometimes the only possible purpose a person can offer to anyone is to serve as an example of what to never be, and the lesson has not been lost on me. I am motivated to be a better person since I have seen, up close and personal, what being miserable, vindictive, jealous, and shockingly self-centered does to a person, inside and out…and what it does to those around them. I don’t want any part of that.

Today is my first day in my new position, and fittingly, we are having a Thanksgiving event outside this afternoon. I am looking forward to it.

I am excited about Thanksgiving, excited my new role at work, already excited to go home and tell my husband about my first day, already planning the weekend in my head.

Happy Thanksgiving! I hope it is a peaceful, happy, loving day and season.

Slaying It

A little over a year ago, I stepped way out of my comfort zone. I catapulted out of it, actually, and couldn’t even see my comfort zone anymore from where I landed. I left a job I had had for over a decade, and I accepted a position that I knew was temporary but would add unbelievable experience to my resume.

I was instantly thrown into the deep end, and I was surprised how quickly I surfaced, swimming, thriving. Hey! I was actually really good at this! I was juggling a million moving parts, but I pulled it all together smoothly and kept it moving and growing. I got a lot of compliments, while a similar program that started at the same time has been struggling and barely surviving under a different director.

Alas, all good things come to an end. Like I said, I knew the job was temporary. When the end date of our program was set in stone, I was sad but not surprised. I updated my resume with my new experience and started sending it out, ready for my next adventure.

I have mentioned a few times that there were some happy changes at work coming down the line, but until something was in writing, I didn’t want to announce it. Nothing moves quickly in a government office, and this was no exception! But last week, after many meetings and discussions, then waiting for the infamously slow approval process, I was finally presented with a formal offer for a permanent position in my current company. I accepted.

I am nervous and excited all at the same time. I have been told that this office has no problem letting temporary staff just leave after a program ends, so I am proud (and relieved) that they decided they would rather keep me around than let me walk away. My new circle of co-workers is excited that I will very soon be joining them, and I am looking forward to learning from them.

Any change, even good ones, can be stressful: stepping into the unknown, not quite sure what to expect, hopeful but also anxious. But if the past year or so has taught me anything, it’s this: this change is going to be exactly what I make of it, and I am perfectly capable of slaying it!

The Fair

Ten days since I posted here, and I wish I had an exciting story, like entering the witness protection program, or becoming an elusive fugitive of justice, or just returning from my whirlwind world tour. There’s a lot going on, and my head is spinning, and I will need more than one post to get it all out.

I will start with this: I am fine. I am not actually in hot pursuit by the FBI or an imposing SWAT team. I am, however, extremely sleepy after an active but happy weekend.

Ever since the kids were little, my husband and I have taken them to the fair every fall. It was chilly, which just makes it even more fun somehow, holding my husband’s hand and snuggling close to each other as we stood in line for rides we already knew were going to hurt our aging backs, give me motion sickness, or trigger some other middle-aged ailment, but that we were determined to ride anyway. Yeah, we live on the edge like that.

After we had made it through the mile-long line for wrist bands, we had expected everyone to go off in their own groups and meet up later, but the younger crowd accompanying us actually decided they wanted to walk around with us. Anyone with kids knows that when your teenager, your adult child, and their friends want to hang out with you, even in public where others might see them, it is a high honor!

We have never stayed until the fair actually closed, but we shut the place down this time. And we still felt like we hadn’t had enough time there, even though everyone was starting to yawn and even shiver a bit. All of us slept quite well that night.

Yesterday evening, my husband and I spent some time with my older stepson and his fiancée. When we got home, my husband and I relaxed together, just talking about the weekend and whatever popped into our heads, then snuggled up in bed, not terribly happy that the weekend had drawn to a close, but content that it had been such a great one.

The rude alarm got us up to start a new week this morning, and I have a lot to do this week. More on that later. For now, just wishing everyone a happy Monday and a productive week.

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