We couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful weekend. The weather was perfect, cool, breezy, making it impossible to stay indoors. My husband and I were outside as much as humanly possible, knowing that muggy, humid days are quickly approaching. We wanted to take advantage of every second of this weekend.
We crossed a few items off our ever-growing, never-ending yard work list, and my husband and I rewarded ourselves by relaxing on our back deck. As we sat there, enjoying a light breeze, it occurred to me that we were sitting on a bench that my husband refinished for me, on a deck that we sanded and painted together, in a yard we just finished working in together. And I can’t think of anything that makes me happier.
That satisfaction, especially with a true partner, is something I really hope the kids get to experience one day as they get older. It is not something that has been encouraged, unfortunately, except by us.
The girls in particular have been taught that women just take and do not contribute. Their primary “role model” in their other home is an oversized toddler who doesn’t actually own anything or pay for anything herself: her cell phone, her car insurance, even the trailer she lives in are all paid for by her parents. She has taught the kids that females live with their hands out, like parasites, fastidiously avoiding anything that remotely resembles hard work or independence, lest they burst into flames or suffer a fate even worse: actually sweating a little.
It’s a shame. I still pull into our driveway, years after we bought this house, and smile because every square inch is ours. Our personal touch is on everything, inside and out. We rarely hire anyone to do anything around the house or yard, preferring to do any work ourselves so it’s done exactly the way we want it. And I love it.
Sitting on the deck the other evening, gently rocking with my husband, looking out over the flowers and trees and bird feeder in the back yard, I felt peaceful and happy. He reached for my hand, and we didn’t even have to say anything, just enjoyed being together.
A few times recently, I have started to plan a trip for us, a getaway, and it has always ended up abandoned, because we prefer to be right here. This is what we have worked toward: a home of our own that is our sanctuary, our nest, our refuge. Leaving it to go somewhere else feels counterproductive.
My wish for the kids is that someday, they find someone who is their best friend, their partner, someone they enjoy standing side-by-side with, building a life together. And I wish for them to feel the same pride, satisfaction, and contentment of knowing they created it and shaped it and made it happen all on their own.
Sweat & Sparkle 