A lot of advice and quotes about stress management revolve around “Don’t worry about what you can’t control.” Maybe that works for some things. But what if one of my major concerns is my stepkids? It’s impossible to just shrug them off and say, “Oh well. I can’t control other people in their lives, so why worry?”
But the sentiment still has some value. The fact remains, I cannot control the choices and actions of other people in the kids’ lives. I cannot make someone prioritize the kids if she does not want to see their value. I can’t make everyone focus on the well-being and safety of my stepkids. Some people apparently are simply incapable of caring about anything but themselves, and they have no intention of changing.
I have to keep reminding myself that all I can do is be here to listen, and continue to offer examples of healthy behaviors, responsibility, and respectful relationships. I have no idea if that is enough to overcome the astounding, staggering dysfunction they drown in with others, but I have to pray that it is.
I also need to focus on taking better care of myself. I tend to get wrapped up in worrying, dwelling on things, and start to neglect myself. That doesn’t help anyone: the kids, my husband, or me.
It’s not in me to easily wave off the kids and not give them another thought, the way other people in their lives do every day. I’m glad that’s not who I am. I don’t want to ever be like that. But I do need to start taking time and energy to focus on me.
Why is that a constant struggle? I seem to wrestle with that a lot. It’s ironic, because it’s something that I preach to our new counselors at work: self-care to avoid burnout and compassion fatigue. Then I turn around and don’t practice my own lessons, and I certainly feel it.
I saw the to-do list in the image above, and I smiled. I needed to see this today. I can only help the kids if I am strong myself. What good am I to them (or to anyone) if I am falling apart from stress and self-neglect?
So today I am going to practice my own preaching. I already made plans for a date night with my husband tonight. I am going to focus on the way he looks at me, the sound of his laugh, the way he always reaches for my hand across the table as he teases and jokes with me. I am going to open my heart to my many blessings all around me and hold those close.
I will always be here for my stepkids, because I know they need that. I just need to start being here for myself, too.
Sweat & Sparkle 