This would be laughable if it wasn’t so damn insanely, pathetically, colossally sad. And scary.
In addition to seeing these stellar grades today, I also spotted an interesting mugshot or two in today’s newspaper.
I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried. I wish I was. Once again, I could make a million comments…but I don’t really need to, do I?
It would be very easy, after my post just a few weeks ago, to gloat now that my younger stepdaughter had added out-of-school suspension to her academic resume, along with a string of more Fs. It would be easy to shriek “I told you so!” because what I said would happen is, indeed, happening.
The caustic comments would practically write themselves.
But I am not happy about being right. I am not celebrating the insanely predictable implosion of my stepdaughter.
I feel sad. I remember her dad and I teaching her to tie her shoes. I remember sitting at the desk in our office, teaching her government in ways that made her laugh, and how excited she was to tell us she got an A on her next civics test.
I also remember her crying because of something nasty her mother said about me, no matter how much I tell the kids I don’t care what she says about me. It still bothered her. It still hurt them. But it did not stop. Scoring points, at any expense, has always been more important to some people than the damage wrought along the way.
Maybe someday, my younger stepdaughter will realize that the ones who care about her are the ones now labelled as mean and strict and horrible. That the ones who pushed her were the ones who wanted her to soar instead of sink. That the ones who refused to accept her lack of effort were the ones who knew she could do it if she just tried.
Ignoring the problem is not love. Being happier if she just stays endlessly at a friend’s house, anywhere but at home, is not love. Refusing to say no or to parent is not love. Exploiting her issues for attention, sympathy, and drama is not love.
This won’t be the last failing grade or suspension for my younger stepdaughter. This also is not yet the worst of it. I suspect and fear what is coming next. She’s been unsupervised, undisciplined, and lied to for much too long, for anything to change now without deliberate and focused effort. Unfortunately, the energy to focus on her is more than anyone besides her dad and me is willing to expend.
Narcissists do not view even their own children as people who deserve love, care, or empathy. So I already know my younger stepdaughter is on her own to decide her next step and future path. Someone she should be able to rely on is incapable of caring about her as a human being. Until she accepts that, painful as it is, nothing will change…except for the worse.
The only drawback to a great weekend is the rude buzzing of the alarm on Monday morning, officially signaling the end of the weekend and the start of another work week. I knew I desperately needed some time to focus on myself, and on my husband, so we took a Valentine weekend together and had a wonderful time.
Last night, my husband told me, “I had a really good weekend with you.” I smiled. We have been together over 14 years, and he was telling me what a good time he had, like it was our first date. It was sweet.
I appreciate our relationship. Yeah, I know I sound mushy, but I honestly enjoy being with him. I have been in relationships where that was not necessarily the case, and I know many people who are together but are not happy. I am lucky, and I am grateful.
Both of us paid the heavy cost of admission by having horribly toxic relationships with obnoxious people before we met each other. I think seeing just how ugly a partner can be made us want to never get stuck in that kind of polluted relationship again. Our tolerance for that garbage is used up. It was painful to get to this point, but I would do all of it again to end up beside him.
I started work today with some good news, too. Since a co-worker left about a month or two ago, I have been picking up the slack and doing a lot of extra work. My supervisor has decided to thank me for that by giving me a generous bonus, and the best part is, it is not a one-time thing.
I was stunned by that, because at my last job, me doing the work of several people was the norm. Me staggering beneath an overwhelming load of responsibility was just another day, and no one thanked me for it, let alone rewarded me. It’s amazing to be truly appreciated.
So yeah, it’s Monday, and I have a lot to do. But I am feeling much more at peace today. My stressors have not magically disappeared, but I feel like I took a breather to recharge and can come at them stronger.
On a lighter note: I came across this today and laughed when I read it:
That sums things up quite nicely, I’d say! Okay, maybe the mental breakdown part is an exaggeration, but the exhausted part is spot on. I have not been sleeping well at all, and the dark circles under my eyes are evidence of that.
But I woke up with my husband’s arms around me, and with my cat patiently and meekly awaiting his breakfast (and by that, I mean, vigorously headbutting me and poking his fuzzy face into mine to check if I am aware of his state of hunger). I wouldn’t have it any other way, and I am ready to have a good day today.
Sweat & Sparkle 