Month: January 2021

Watch Me

Last week, I decided enough was enough. It was time to stop wallowing around, dragging myself down, gaining more weight, being unhappy but making no effort to change anything. I worked out at least 30 minutes every day, even when I didn’t feel like it (which, admittedly, was pretty much every day!)

I stepped onto the scale Saturday morning, excited to see how much I had lost with my newfound commitment to exercise…and instead saw that I had gained 1.5 pounds.

I felt betrayed. Seriously, body? This is how you repay me for taking better care of you? I felt like it had been a huge waste of time to work out at all. I was irritated and disappointed and more than a little discouraged.

*deep breath*

Okay. That didn’t go the way I wanted it to. But the scale doesn’t change the fact that I made a decision to improve my health and my happiness, and I stuck to it. I worked out, even on days when it was the last thing on Earth I wanted to do.

This week, I am going to continue the workouts. I am also going to get back to logging my food and drink on LoseIt and pay more attention to what I am putting into my body. Instead of letting this drag me back into that ditch, I am even more determined to see a loss next Saturday. Just watch me!

Consistency

I saw this quote yesterday evening, and I had to smile, because it was so perfect, especially after what I wrote yesterday:

I groaned at the idea of working out after work yesterday, but then I thought, really? I am not expecting much of myself right now. Am I truly not willing to invest 30 short minutes in myself? Am I really not worth it to me?

When I tried to play a workout online, the video kept stuttering and buffering, pausing and skipping. I was tempted to say, “Well, I tried, didn’t I?” and scrap the whole exercise thing altogether. Instead I switched to another online workout that played just fine, and I got my workout done.

It’s chilly here today, and I want nothing more than to turn off my laptop, grab a blanket, and snuggle up with my husband and get our weekend together started. It will have to wait just a bit, though. I am determined to take care of myself, to start putting myself first, make me a priority. I devote so much time to taking care of everyone and everything around me. Why should I not do the same for myself?

My World

Yesterday was unbelievably hectic! After a busy work day, I turned off my laptop, just to turn on our other computer, without a break, to do some paperwork for my husband’s business. Just as I wrapped it up, he called me from the kitchen.

When I walked in, I saw the dining room table behind him, already set with china dishes and wine glasses, and a platter with steaks fresh off the grill. It was such a wonderful surprise!

He said, “We are eating fancy tonight,” and I laughed. He had a big smile on his face, like an excited little boy, and it was cute.

I let the crazy work day melt away. We sat down and toasted each other with our glasses, then just sat and ate dinner and talked about anything and everything for a long time. I enjoyed it so much. Moments like that mean everything to me.

I didn’t work out last night, but I also didn’t care. I couldn’t think of a better way to finish the day than right where I already was, with my best friend and my world at my side.

Getaway

Somehow, some way, by some odd quirk in the universe, I managed to lose one pound last week. I can’t even really take credit for it, since I barely put any effort in. My husband and I went for a few walks, though, which was nice, just chatting and strolling. We need to do that more often.

I have had a headache from hell the last two days that I can’t seem to shake. I don’t know what level of workout that will allow me to do after work today. I tried my best to push through it yesterday, since my stepdaughter was here, and I like to make sure the kids’ time here is as peaceful and upbeat as possible. I am not a martyr, but I am aware, by several accounts, of the level of complaining, drama, and negativity they deal with elsewhere. I don’t want to add to that if I can help it.

I hate taking medication of any kind, but I will need to break down and see if an Aleve will help ease the headache. I am swamped under a huge to-do list for work today and need to be able to focus.

My husband asked if I can take a break and sneak away to go do something fun. Unfortunately, I don’t see that happening today, but now the back of my mind is whirring, planning, wondering what kind of getaway or fun activity we can put together, just the two of us. We deserve it!

Where I Am

Something I hear a lot from counselors I know is “Meet people where they are.” I found myself thinking about that a lot today and realizing that I have to meet myself where I am. Not where I want to be. Not where I wish I was.

And where I am is: tired. Frustrated. Worn out. A bit embarrassed by my lack of progress, to be honest. But nowhere near ready to quit. Just taking a moment to breathe, regroup, and get the wind back in my sails.

Today I took a few steps to help me along that path. More on that later. Just wanted to say hello, wave, and promise that I am not gone or finished. Just learning how to do this a better way!

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