Today, I really have to write about my husband. I have been feeling very low lately, tearing myself to pieces for gaining weight, and let me tell you, I can be downright vicious when it comes to self-criticism. I can be my own worst enemy, that’s for sure.
My husband texted me at work yesterday and asked if he could take me out to dinner. Of course I told him hell no, Mr. Grabby, and just what kind of girl does he take me for? Just kidding. I said yes.
My stepson was out with some friends, so my husband and I had a real date night, just the two of us. When we got home from dinner, we really tore it up, cranked the stereo, guzzled some wine, streaked nude through the neighborhood…okay, just kidding again. We snuggled on the couch and watched a movie and just enjoyed being home and being together. If that makes me old and boring, then I say, yay for being old and boring!
Later, laying in bed (don’t worry, this post is not about to get X-rated), I mentioned to him that I signed up for Spinning class the next day and would be home later than usual. He said, “Well, I like the way you look now”, and I said, “I don’t.”
Then I asked him if he is disappointed in me. I mean, he has seen me work out like a machine, running, lifting weights, getting in shape, then suddenly *poof*, just screech to a halt and start gaining weight again. How could he not feel let down by that?
He shot me a dirty look and said, “You know, I ought to slap the shit out of you right now for asking that.”
As you can see, we are very romantic and flowery with each other, ha ha. I shrugged and laughed like it was no big deal, but he must have seen or heard something in the question. He didn’t let it go. He told me if I wasn’t happy with how I look, then do whatever it takes to make myself happy, but he is happy now. He told me a lot of things, things I needed to hear, things I will hold close to my heart. One of the most important things he said was, “When I see you, I see the woman who is always at my side, who stands with me, who gets me through anything to make it to the next day.”
I am not an overly emotional person. I like logic, orderliness, not an overload of feelings. But I must admit, my eyes betrayed me, and I felt a tear slide out of one and down my cheek. I pretended my eyes were watering from my allergies, and he pretended to believe me, bless him.
I slept better last night than I have in a long time. Today I feel like the stifling, suffocating weight on my chest has been reduced to a pebble, if that. Why do I put this pressure on myself? How can I be so loyal, protective, and caring of others, then so savage to myself? Definitely things I need to work on.
I didn’t write this today to make anyone lose their breakfast over my gushing about my husband. I wrote it because I am so thankful for that conversation we had last night, grateful for the healing words. Grateful for him.
My husband is not perfect. He is no saint. He can work my nerves like no one else (intentionally most of the time, and for his own amusement). He cusses even worse than I do. Like me, he has a very limited supply of patience. But an endless stash of insulting nicknames for my cat!
I will take it. All of it. We can be imperfect messes together. There is no one else I want to be old and boring with!
Sweat & Sparkle 