A friend of mine wrote something on Facebook today that struck a nerve. Hard. She is also struggling to lose weight, and today she said she gives up. She said she is sick of the fight, doesn’t even like to work out, is tired of counting calories, and feels like she just doesn’t have it in her for this anymore.
It was that last part, not having it in her anymore, that got my attention the most. I feel the same way about the rest of it, too: lord, I’m sick of worrying about tracking every bite in my food diary, tired of trying to find a free minute to work out when I really don’t want to, and so over the weekly face-off with the scale, just to be disappointed most of the time.
But it wasn’t always that way. Hell, just last summer I got my act together enough to drop some serious pounds before our wedding. Why can’t I do it now? Why don’t I have it in me anymore, either? Or do I?
I feel burned out on it all. I don’t want to do it, period. It’s not that I don’t still want to lose weight. I am just over, sick of, worn out on all the little, never-ending tasks and duties and obligations to do it.
I’ve wondered if it is time to just accept myself as overweight. I will answer that very clearly: no, not at all. I know that I am at least 60 pounds too heavy for my height, and that is not healthy, pure and simple. I don’t want to accept that.
It slapped me into a different viewpoint, a new angle. Why not change some things up? I’ve been tracking my food long enough to know, before I eat something, if it fits into my daily calories or not. If it makes me want to gag to log into my food diary even one more time, then why not just stop? Maybe for just a little while, maybe for good, but most definitely for now.
There’s no way around the workouts, though. I work in an office, not a construction site. I am just not active enough during the day to come home and say “Oh well, burned enough calories today! Couch, here I come!” But I can hunt down some new workouts to try, get my butt outside and find new places to walk, maybe start needling my husband and stepson to join me (they will love that, ha ha).
Maybe all this time, my poor body and mind have been saying “For the love of god, make some changes! We are bored to death!” instead of moaning that they give up. Maybe that is why this feels so damn hard. I have responded by trying to force myself to keep doing what has worked in the past, but it’s not working in the here and now. That much is clear.
So I will be making some changes. Exactly what, I am not entirely certain yet. I know I need a break from the monotony of logging breakfast, logging a snack, going back to the damn food diary to log lunch, how many calories are in that salad dressing, damn it’s not in the database, now I don’t know to the hundredths exactly how many calories I consumed, how many calories did that elliptical workout burn, I suck because I didn’t work out today, crap I forgot to log dinner yesterday….
*deep breath*
Yeah, I’ve needed a break from this crap for a long time, because just typing that made me want to delete my food diary account, throw the scale into a dumpster, and set my workout clothes on fire. I need a new mindset, no doubt about it.
Sweat & Sparkle 