I didn’t want to work out yesterday. I wasn’t simply reluctant to work out, or a bit less than motivated to work out. I flat-out, violently didn’t want to work out, and the very idea of it made me want to scream, curse, and throw my workout DVD’s into a raging pit of fire.
I sat down and turned on the computer to play a workout DVD. I turned it back off. I turned it back on. I got up and decided I needed to eat dinner first, even though eating first was a horrible idea.
So I ate. I came back. I felt like I had eaten a bowling ball, since naturally I had eaten too much, and I can’t work out after a big meal, now can I?
Good lord, the stupid stuff that I do, then wonder why I am overweight!
In the end, I put on my sneakers, grit my teeth, and did a 30-minute workout. I had finished a 1-mile walk during my lunch earlier, so I finished the day with 3 miles for my work wellness challenge.
I also finished the day wondering just what the hell is the matter with me. I want to lose weight, I need to lose weight, so why am I standing in my own damn way, making certain that doesn’t happen?
When I was done with my workout last night, I stormed into the living room, furious, at what, myself, the world, I don’t even know. I started venting about not getting anything done that evening, and my husband said, “You got something done. You worked out.”
Well, yes, he had a point there. It was a major accomplishment, considering I was possessed by some sloth demon who decreed that I shall not exercise, so help me god. I did it anyway. I didn’t enjoy one single second of it, but I did it anyway.
I decided I need to back off the schedules, the weight charts, the mapped-out plans, just for a little while. It’s doing nothing but frustrating me and making me feel like I’m not measuring up. It’s not up for debate whether I work out or not, but doing a particular workout on a certain day, for a specified time frame…well, that’s not working for me right now. Just move. Just do something. That is all I can give right now, and I need to work with that until I gain some traction and feel that spark again.
Sweat & Sparkle 