I can sum up September in one word: FAIL. I can declare, with all honesty, that I did absolutely nothing right this entire month.
I have now gained 20 pounds since the wedding in July. I could try to blame it on any number of things, from being busy at work, stressing over Hurricane Irma, power being out, clean-up that took two weekends, a huge work event last week, and joy of all joys, coming home from that trip with a nice souvenir: a stuffy nose and a cough.
But let’s get real, those are all just excuses. And I am beyond disgusted with myself. My self-esteem has taken a beating, that’s for sure. I feel self-conscious, because I know everyone who was praising me for my weight loss is now wondering how in the hell I gained so much back, so fast.
The kids have stopped mentioning my weight loss altogether, which upsets me the most. I was happy with how excited and proud they were at how much weight I had lost. I loved when they told me how good I look. Well, what are they supposed to say after I pack 20 pounds back on?
There is no way in hell now that I will reach my goal weight by the end of this year. So once again, I will end the year still overweight. Once again, I will set a new year’s resolution to reach goal weight in the new year. Once again, I have set goals, then failed to reach them.
I want to work on a workout plan today. I want to set up a general workout guide, something like “Monday: cardio; Tuesday: weight training”, etc., maybe a weekly or monthly calendar so I can hang it up and cross off the days as I finish each workout.
I don’t know. I feel a bit lost. I’m so disgusted with myself right now, it’s hard to get started again. I am angry and disappointed and wondering just what in the holy hell is wrong with me.
Sweat & Sparkle 