You may have noticed that I haven’t blogged in over a week. You may also have noticed that my weight ticker now proudly and loudly proclaims that I have lost zero pounds. That’s right, the ticker that used to brag I had lost 50 pounds is now back to zero. Zilch, nada, big fat goose egg. I’m quite the overachiever when it comes to gaining weight back like there’s no tomorrow.
Oh, there’s more good news. My highest weight used to be 210 pounds. As of this morning, I have crushed my record and am now at 211.6. It’s hard to even type that and admit that. How did I ever let myself get this heavy again? Why didn’t I stop at some point and make some changes and halt this silliness?
I really didn’t want to come here. I didn’t want to write this today. I didn’t want to admit what I’ve done to myself. But that is exactly what this blog is for, to be honest and to type out my frustrations and ask for support and help.
My next step: making a plan for next week. I need to get back to tracking my food on MyFitnessPal, back to regular workouts, back to giving a damn what I am doing to myself. I keep saying I can do better than this. I keep saying I want to be a good role model for my stepkids. Instead, I’m sure all they see right now is an out-of-control, food-obsessed fat lady. That makes my skin crawl, because that is a pretty precise description of Psycho, my stalker, except for the “lady” part, ha.
It’s frightening I let myself get this out of hand. It goes without saying that it’s time to make changes and do something about it. And not just blow hot air this time.
Sweat & Sparkle 