The celebration was short-lived. This past Saturday, I weighed in and just wanted to slap myself. I gained back exactly what I lost last week, so back up to 211, for a gain of 2.2 pounds.
*sigh*
I am beginning to believe I will never get my act together. I am the fattest I’ve ever been, my clothes don’t fit, I look terrible, I feel awful, I have pain in my joints and feet and back, and still I’m not motivated to keep at anything that will help me lose this disgusting extra weight. What the hell is wrong with me?
Yes, I’m feeling very frustrated today. I feel like a beached whale. I feel frustrated, disgusted, angry, and ashamed. How did I do this to myself, and how do I keep doing it? I am not a stupid person. So why am I acting so stupid in this one piece of my life?
It doesn’t help that this week, I not only have my second job to contend with, but also a work event in the evening later this week. All of that means very little time for workouts, or sleep, for that matter. I’m so sick of not being able to do what I want to do, what I need to do, because of obligations I don’t even want to honor and things I don’t even want to do. I don’t want to attend this work event, and I am sick to death of working two jobs.
If you can’t tell, I am not in the best of moods today. I keep saying something needs to change, but nothing changes except my weight keeps nudging up. Something has to give, before my sanity does!
Sweat & Sparkle 